of her childhood gradually faded, to be replaced with that of a very attractive man—attractive, and, underneath his quiet manner, very assured. Her feelings towards him changed in a way she found difficult to define, but they remained very possessive. With surprise, she realised that, whatever he was, boy or man, friend or eligible prize, Richard Deverell was hers. Had always been hers. Would always be hers. She was even sorry for the silly females who pursued him. Didn’t they know that Richard Deverell belonged to her? Lexi was so certain of this that one afternoon in August she told him so.
Lexi and Richard had left the horses tethered to a fence while they went down to the river to look at the otters who lived in its banks. For a while it was like old times, as they shared uncomplicated delight in the antics of the otter cub and talked of anything and everything that occurred to them.
‘Are you home for good now, Richard?’ Lexi asked.
‘I’m not sure. I might go into the Army for a while.’
‘The Army!’
‘It’s a way of seeing the world, and there’s plenty of adventure to be had, especially in Spain. Johnny is talking of it, too.’
‘Johnny? Papa would never let him go! He’s needed here at home. And so are you, Richard.’
‘Oh, come, Alexandra! Needed? You know very well that my father takes no pleasure in my company, and Channings is so well run it really has no need of me, either. No, I don’t think I should be missed.’ Richard spoke a touch bitterly and Lexi was silent for a moment. Then, making an effort to sound calm, she said in a small voice,
‘We would miss you, Richard…’
‘It would only be for two or three years—I don’t intend to make a career of it. But Johnny seems very set on the idea. I think he might go whatever your father says.’
‘Oh, if Johnny’s mind is made up, then Papa will give in. Johnny always gets his way in the end.’ She was silent for a moment, thinking of what it would mean to her father as well as herself. Then she said angrily, ‘My brother is such a clunch! He gets these ideas, and goes ahead without thinking of the consequences.’
‘And you don’t?’ asked Richard, looking at her with such quizzical affection that she had to laugh.
‘I know, I know! The Rawdons rush in without thinking. How often have I heard you say that? But Johnny’s much worse than I am, you know he is! It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if you had rescued him from any number of scrapes while you were both in London.’ She paused, and when she next spoke she sounded unusually bitter. ‘Now he wants to go into the Army, and he will. We all do our best to please Johnny, but he doesn’t care! He ploughs on quite merrily, not thinking of the unhappiness he leaves behind.’
‘You sound as if you don’t like your brother.’
‘I’m not sure I do at the moment.’ She looked up to see Richard frowning. She went on, ‘Oh, you needn’t worry. I may not like him just now, but I shall always love him. In spite of all his faults.’
‘Or perhaps even because of them,’ said Richard. ‘Because that’s the way he is. Isn’t that so?’ He smiled.
The smile did something to her. She suddenly felt absurdly happy, sure that Richard never smiled at any other girl in that particular teasing, affectionate way. The smile was for her alone and no one else. As he turned to help her over the stile at the end of the path, a sudden impulse stopped her from leaping down as she usually did. Instead, she stood on the step, rested her hands on his shoulders, and looked down at him with a grin.
‘Which of my faults do you love me for, Richard?’ she asked, tilting her head to one side, eyes alight with mischief, her hair falling over her shoulder in a mass of copper, almost touching his face.
His hands were at her waist, ready to jump her down, but he suddenly became very still. His grasp tightened, his eyes grew dark, and he wasn’t smiling any more. His gaze rested on her mouth… Lexi suddenly felt breathless, even nervous.
‘Richard?’ she said uncertainly.
It was just as suddenly over. He said something under his breath, then dropped his hands and shook his head. After a moment he said calmly and somewhat distantly, ‘I couldn’t possibly say. There are so many of them!’
His reaction disappointed her, and she felt an urge to disturb that calm self-possession again. She said, ‘Do you know, I thought just for a moment there you were going to kiss me. Did you want to?’
‘Of course not,’ he said with a flicker of anger. ‘What a ridiculous idea! You’re still a child, Alexandra.’
Stung, she replied, ‘I’m nearly sixteen. Not all that much younger than you! You never seemed to notice the difference in the old days!’
‘It wasn’t the same then. We were all of us children,’ he said curtly.
‘But…why didn’t you want to kiss me? Aren’t I pretty enough?’
‘You’re not old enough! Alexandra, if you were anything but a child you wouldn’t ask such questions! Not of anyone!’
‘I wouldn’t ask anyone else. I wouldn’t want anyone else to kiss me, Richard. Only you.’
He looked at her in exasperation, as if he wasn’t sure how to reply to this. Then he shook his head and said abruptly, ‘I suppose you think I’m flattered. But I’m not. You really don’t know anything at all about it, Alexandra. And, unless you want me to leave you here to go back by yourself, we’ll end this stupid conversation right now!’
He sounded as if he meant what he was saying. Lexi nodded.
‘Very well,’ she said. Then she threw him another glance full of mischief. ‘But I still think you wanted to kiss me. I suppose I’ll just have to wait till I’m older.’
He seemed to speak almost against his will. ‘It’s very likely that you won’t want me to kiss you then,’ he said.
‘Oh, yes, I will!’ Lexi said confidently. ‘And, what’s more, you’ll still want to kiss me, too. You’re mine, Richard Deverell! We belong to one another.’
For the rest of the summer, though Richard was perfectly amiable, he kept his distance, never showing by look or action that he thought of her as anything but a good companion, his best friend’s little sister. But Lexi lay awake at night, imagining the kiss he had denied her and fantasising about the future, and though it was never again referred to between them she never faltered in her conviction that he was hers.
She watched him with the other young ladies and was reassured. No rivals there, she thought with satisfaction. And next year he might consider her old enough… But in the end a greater and more powerful rival took Richard away from her. In the autumn he and Johnny announced that they were indeed going into the Army.
Nothing would deter them, certainly not Lexi’s protests. Not even Sir Jeremy Rawdon’s strenuous efforts could prevent his only son from embarking on such a dangerous career. Johnny was adamant. Richard was going, and so would he. It would be an adventure, a great lark.
‘But don’t you see how unhappy Papa is?’ Lexi cried one day. ‘How unhappy we both are! Why are you doing this to us?’
‘Because I want to! Two or three years in a decent regiment would be tremendous fun! I’ve enjoyed this summer, but I’m not ready to settle down yet! Besides, Richard is going. You don’t see his family making all this fuss.’
‘You know very well why that is so,’ said Lexi hotly. ‘Lord Deverell doesn’t care! He’s never taken the slightest interest in anything Richard does. It’s not surprising that his son feels no obligation to him. But Papa loves you, Johnny! You’re his only son!’
‘Oh, stop it! You’re a girl—you can’t possibly understand what it means. I don’t see why Papa is so worried. Nothing will happen to me. I’ll be back in a couple of years and