funny?” he asked with a dented brow.
“We’ve resorted to talking about the weather?”
He opened his mouth as if to deny her claim, then clamped his lips shut with a scowl.
Ten months ago, this man had been half of her very being—her heart and soul and breath—and now they were reduced to banal formalities.
You have no one to blame but yourself. Breaking up with Brady was your choice. A fresh wave of guilt and remorse rolled through her belly. She knew her choice had been rooted in fear, but she couldn’t see any way around the scars left by her father’s death. Brady had made his choice—to take the appointment as sheriff—and she’d made hers. She couldn’t, wouldn’t bear the stress of knowing her boyfriend could be killed in the line of duty any day he reported to work.
“What I want to talk about is us. Later. Will you give me some time after the ceremony?” When she frowned, he added, “Please?”
“There’s nothing to say. Nothing’s changed.”
“There’s plenty to say, if you’ll not shut me out.”
“I—” The speakers screeched with feedback for a second, and the horses in a nearby pasture whinnied and tossed their manes.. Then soft music flowed over the assembled guests, indicating the ceremony was starting.
“That’s my cue.” Brady squeezed her arm as he stood. “Later, then?”
She flashed an uncommitted grin, which seemed to satisfy him, and watched with her heart in her throat as he strode down the center aisle to escort the mother of the groom to her chair.
“Wow. You didn’t tell me how hot he was,” Hannah said, fanning herself with her wedding program. “Black hair, blue eyes and a body straight out of a Hunks R Us catalog? Sweet.”
Kara gave her friend a sidelong glance. “Not helping...”
“Sorry.”
“I know he’s gorgeous. And he’s sweet and polite and witty—”
“The pig! No wonder you broke up with him!” Hannah gave her a teasing wink.
“Hannah!” she grated under her breath. “You’re supposed to be supporting me today, not shoving me back into his arms. I told you why I left him. He took the interim sheriff position without any consideration of my feelings. And when I explained my concerns about the job, he dismissed my reasons as trivial. But my fears aren’t trivial! My dad died in the line of duty.”
She suppressed a shudder as the dark memories clawed at her. With a firm shake of her head, she shoved the bleak images down. “I don’t want to live like my mother did, always wondering if her husband would come home safely at night, jumping every time the phone rang...and eventually having her worst fears realized.” She swiped at the tears that bloomed in her eyes. “I can’t do it.”
Hannah rubbed her arm. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean to minimize your pain. It just...seems like there should be a way for you two to work things out. If only—”
“Shh!” the lady behind them hissed.
Hannah scowled at the woman, but before she could retort, the processional music started. The first bridesmaids in their stunning red dresses started down the aisle. The assembled guests stood for the procession, and a pang of regret plucked her heart. April had given Kara the choice of being a bridesmaid or not, understanding her situation with Brady. Kara had declined, knowing that as part of the wedding party, she’d have been thrown together with Brady time and again throughout the wedding activities. On top of her anxiety and heartache seeing Brady today, her chest clenched with disappointment and guilt, knowing she’d let her friend down.
But perhaps more important, she’d let herself down, allowing her emotions to control her life and sway her choices. She didn’t want her decisions going forward to be guided by her heartache over Brady or her grief over her father.
She was roused from her morose musings as the bride glided gracefully past her. April’s auburn hair was swept up in an attractive hairdo, and she was a vision in her wedding dress with Christmas-red trim. The dress was a perfect choice, adding a Christmassy feel to the ceremony while the A-line shape discreetly covered the secret April had only shared with her closest friends and family. She was having Nate’s baby.
April looked beautiful, but a nervous tic tugged at the corner of her friend’s lips. Had Kara not known her as well as she did, she might not have noticed the stiff discomfort in her smile. Earlier in the week, April had expressed her dismay over how the invitation list and reception plans had grown, but she’d granted her future in-laws their requests in a spirit of cooperation and good will. Add to that the last-minute crisis of burst pipes and a hasty relocation for the whole affair, and it was no wonder April looked stressed.
Kara turned her attention to the makeshift altar, to gauge the groom’s reaction to his bride. But rather than Nate’s expression, her gaze locked with Brady’s. His eyes held hers with an unwavering, soul-piercing intensity that sent a tremor to her core. His face reflected not joy for the wedding couple, but a deep sadness and longing. His eyes told her exactly where his thoughts had gone. Their own canceled wedding. Had she not broken up with him, they would have been married this month in a similar Christmas wedding. She would have been wearing ivory silk and carrying poinsettia blossoms and baby’s breath.
When April reached the front row and took her place beside her groom, Brady, standing beside the best man, blinked hard and discreetly wiped the corner of his eye. Kara’s heart jolted. Dear God, was her tough and fearless lawman tearing up? She knew he had a soft heart under his alpha-dog demeanor, but seeing this display of emotion from him, knowing she’d caused his hurt, rattled her.
“Be seated,” the minister said.
A rumble of distant thunder rolled across the pastures to the west, and a nervous twitter rose from the congregation as the people took their seats.
The minister tipped his head to look toward the sky and said, “Yes, Lord. We see the storm coming, but we want to give this blessed union the ceremony it calls for.”
The people chuckled, and Kara was relieved to see April crack a brighter smile.
But like the encroaching storm, Kara’s gut roiled darkly. She couldn’t keep her eyes from straying over and again to Brady. To his square-jawed profile, to his ebony hair curling slightly around the stiff collar of his tuxedo, and to the devastated look in his piercing blue eyes.
He tried to hide it. And to the casual observer, he probably seemed fine. But she knew this man like her own reflection. She’d broken his heart along with her own when she’d left him, and her guilt gnawed inside her with vicious teeth.
“Marriage is a joyful and sacred institution, not to be entered into lightly, but with reverence and discretion...” the minister said, and Kara curled her fingers in her lap.
She hadn’t taken her breakup with Brady lightly, but every day she had new regrets. She missed him deeply. A constriction like a fist squeezing her lungs clamped Kara’s chest. She couldn’t breathe. A panic attack.
Damn it! She’d been prone to them since witnessing her father’s death as a teenager. She’d had several in recent weeks. It didn’t take a genius to know why, but she hated them all the same. Hated the feeling of powerlessness.
“E-excuse me,” she gasped to Hannah, who gave her a curious frown.
“Kara?”
Waving a hand for Hannah to stay put, she rose quickly from her seat. Kara hurried down the center aisle, fleeing the ceremony, fleeing Brady’s penetrating and heartbreaking gaze. She just needed a moment alone to put her head between her knees, to catch her breath and center herself.
More thunder rumbled, and to Kara, it sounded like mocking laughter. Foolish girl! You’re a mess! Brady’s better off without your drama and baggage.
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