always money, needing money, when they’d show up and try to make her—Momma G, the only one who’d shown him love and compassion, the one who believed in him—feel like she was the problem, she was the one in the wrong.
He’d never forget the way his gut would twist when he heard that first hissing sound of a beer can being cracked open, knowing that it was just the start of a night or a weekend-long rollercoaster ride through hell. He remembered feeling his body tense as he heard one or both of them shouting at Momma G. Alone in his room, he’d be too far from the argument to pick out the details, the specific words being thrown out in the air, but the intent, the tone—that was unmistakable.
He remembered how strong Momma G had been. The weight she’d carried, all those years, on her shoulders. What must it have been like for her, looking at her child, trying to speak reason, and seeing only the empty eyes of a blackout drunk who wouldn’t even remember what she’d said or done when she woke up in the morning? Eyes are supposed to be the windows to the soul, right? So what does it say when you look into someone’s eyes and see nothing, not a hint of compassion, nothing that can be appealed to, only that addict’s need for more?
And that someone is your child?
Momma G must have been a lion inside, to be that strong. Because in those harrowing days, she’d had to make a choice: her daughter or her grandson. What do they call it on the battlefield, when the medics wander from screaming body to screaming body, figuring out who might survive? Triage. That was the word.
Momma G, his beloved grandmother, had to triage her own family. And when she looked at her grandson, she saw something in him that made her say: Him. I choose him. He has a chance and I’m going to make sure he keeps that chance.
He caught himself spinning on the edge of all those memories. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath. Held it, way down deep in his gut. He slowly released his breath.
Okay. Let go of it. It’s not now. It’s not happening now. Let go.
Standing, he paced around the small living room area. Sober for three months? Come back when you got three years on you. Then maybe I’ll believe you. Trust? Huh. Don’t push it. A few months is a hiccup, not a change. He couldn’t deal with this right now. It did all the wrong things to him, getting these memories stirred up.
Pulling on his running shoes and finding his hoodie, he grabbed the keys, intending to go for a run. Stepping out into the cold, dark evening, he paused. Maybe he should go to the gym, use the treadmill. Save the running in a hoodie for daylight. He shook his head in exasperation. This world just doesn’t stop, does it?
At the gym, he set a grueling pace. Running. Running from the ghosts. Trying to sweat the poison out of his body. His anger twisted and turned. Finally, he hit the stop button and lifted his feet off the belt and onto the sides. Head down, heart pounding, his ragged breathing loud in his ears, he realized he was angry at himself. He’d thought he’d put it all behind him. That phone call should have had no more emotional impact than a mosquito buzzing around his head. Instead, it had enraged him. Kindled all the pain and fury he thought he’d exorcised from his life. Just like a damned addict. Knows exactly the right time to pop up and mess everything up. Not this time.
“IT’S THE BABY! It’s the baby!”
Lily was jumping up and down, waving her hands in the air. Tiana grabbed her to keep her from rushing into the parking lot as the SUV pulled into a parking spot. “Ian’s not a baby, honey. He’s two years old.”
“But he’s not a big boy,” Lily said. “I’m six and I’m a big girl and he’s littler than me.” Her eyes were wide and sparkling. Tiana felt her own mouth spread into a smile. She gave her daughter a quick hug and booped her nose.
“True,” she said. “But he’s really a toddler.”
“Baby.”
Tiana grinned and waved as Mickie climbed out of the car. “Mickie!”
“Tee!”
They met at the sidewalk and embraced. “It is so good to see you,” Tiana said as she stepped back to look Mickie up and down. “Pale skin. Bags under the eyes. Permanent worried look on the face. Yep. You are a full-fledged nursing student!”
Mickie made a sound. Half laughter, half frustrated growl. “You are one hundred percent correct. Let me get little man out.”
They laughed and chattered all the way back to the apartment. Lily took Ian off to her room so she could read to him. She was very proud of her reading skills. Tiana settled down on the couch next to Mickie. She hadn’t yet made many female friends here, so it was good to have a friendly face, even if only for a few hours.
“How’s it going?” They both asked at the same time. Then laughed.
“How’s school going?”
“Good. It’s stressful, like you said. But I’m running fast as I can to stay ahead of it. And I was able to land a patient care tech job on the mother-baby unit. Not where I want to be, but I’ve got a job reference now and I’m in the hospital system. How are you?”
“Feels like the first few months of nursing school all over again. But with patients and blood. I’m just now starting to feel like I’ve got a handle on it.”
“But do you love it? Is the emergency department still where you want to be?”
“Yeah. The chaos of it all can make me wonder if I’ve lost my mind, but it’s exciting. I’m never bored. It’s always a challenge.”
“Good. I’m trying to really make myself take a good look at each of the specialties as we rotate through. I don’t want to be so focused on being a labor nurse that I miss an interest somewhere else.”
Tiana nodded, remembering how it had been, being there, doing that, and not all that long ago. She looked up at Mickie and smiled. “That’s my girl,” she said.
They both started speaking at once—eager to share their stories, compare notes, when the front door opened and Vivian walked in carrying what seemed like her own weight in grocery bags.
“Mom!” Tiana scolded, getting up. “You should have called. I would have helped you carry those up.”
Viv laughed. “No, girl. I’m the gold medal winner of carrying all the groceries inside in one trip.” She set the bags down and motioned at Mickie. “Come here, sweet girl, how are you doing?”
“Perfect, thanks to your daughter. She got me completely ready for nursing school.”
“Where’s that little boy of yours?”
“In the bedroom with Lily,” Tiana said. She side-eyed Mickie. “Here’s where she completely forgets we’re in the house because she has babies to play with.”
“Well, that leads me to my rude question,” Mickie said. “Would it be okay if Ian hangs out here for a while?”
“Of course,” Vivian said automatically. “Long as you need.”
“Thank you. I know it’s short notice, but this thing with my boyfriend, Josh, this afternoon. I didn’t know he’d be like this. Now that the time is near, he’s devastated. He needs my full support for this.”
“What’s going on?” Tiana asked.
Mickie glanced down the hallway, listening to Lily’s lilting voice as she read aloud to Ian. “He’s moving his mother’s body to another cemetery,” she said in a lowered voice.
Vivian put a hand over her heart and turned a worried look at Mickie. “What’s up with this?”
Mickie sighed. “His father abused his mother. When she tried to leave, he killed her and himself. Josh found out they were buried side by side and he wanted