with her friend Nancy, so she’d promised to come back the following morning.
Which left her sitting in her luxurious bedroom in the Jackson mansion, Bible in front of her, and unable to sleep. The past several nights had been spent in misery, and now she felt so happy it seemed a sin to close her eyes.
Well, that and the fact that Jasper had not returned by suppertime as he’d promised.
Had he been hurt? Killed?
Or was it like all the promises she’d heard all her life from her father, the ones that consisted of “Things will be different this time, you’ll see.”
Nothing in her life had ever become different, not even when the one thing that was supposed to make a difference, marrying Jasper Jackson, had happened.
Floorboards creaked on the stairs, and Emma Jane jumped up. The Jacksons had already turned in for the evening, and surely by now the servants were already in bed. Which meant it had to be Jasper.
She opened the door and Jasper jumped.
“Emma Jane! What are you doing up?”
“Reading my Bible.” She smiled and opened the door wider. “How was your expedition? Was it successful?”
Jasper shook his head. “Another dead end.”
“Come in. Why don’t you tell me about it?”
Jasper looked at her like she was crazy. “I can’t come in your bedroom.” He glanced at her nightgown. “You’re not even properly dressed.”
With a sigh, Emma Jane pulled her shawl more tightly around her. “My nightgown is much more modest than what half the women wear around town. Besides, we’re married.” She smiled up at him. “I’ve already been compromised, so it’s not as though you can compromise me any worse.”
But he glowered at her words. “That’s not funny.”
Emma Jane sighed. “I’m sorry. I was just trying to lighten up a bad situation. I didn’t mean to hit a raw nerve. Can we pretend I didn’t make a thoughtless comment, and then you come in and tell me about your progress? I’d like to work on our friendship, if that’s all right with you.”
When he didn’t answer, Emma Jane continued. “Besides, I meant what I said about wanting to help. Since you won’t let me do anything, at least let me listen. One of the women today said that having someone listen to her troubles was help enough for her.”
For a moment, she thought he was going to snap at her or comment about how it wasn’t time to work on their marriage, but then he sighed and took a step toward her door. “I suppose I can spare a few minutes.”
What happened to the Jasper she used to like? The man who used to like her?
“The chair by the window is comfortable. You could sit there if you like.” It sounded strange to her to be so formal with her own husband. Then again, it still sounded strange for her to refer to herself as having a husband.
“I’m glad you’re comfortable here,” Jasper said as he sat, settling against the soft velvety fabric.
“I’m still getting used to it all, to be honest. I’ve never had such luxuries, and having a staff is still intimidating.”
He laughed. Not the fake laugh she’d heard from across the room at so many social functions where she’d stood in the corner, praying no one would notice her. Rather, it was the same warm sound she’d heard from him when they’d gotten to know each other during the mine cave-in. After their rescue, they’d recuperated at a nearby lake resort because it was closer than returning to town. A stay that had been extended to a week due to a snow storm making the roads impassable.
There, she’d thought they’d become friends. Stuck in a hotel with no one but the proprietors and Will and Mary for company, they’d formed a bond of sorts, and their easy camaraderie had made her wonder why they hadn’t gotten to know each other sooner.
Emma Jane hadn’t heard that laugh since their wedding.
“I’ve missed that sound,” she said quietly, hoping it wasn’t the wrong thing to say. She’d already blundered in mentioning their past, but hopefully this would be a happier reminder.
Fortunately, Jasper rewarded her with a smile. “I guess we haven’t had much to laugh about. And I haven’t exactly warmed to your attempts at trying to ease the situation. Sometimes I feel selfish for enjoying life when a woman is dead because of me and I’ve yet to make it up to her.”
Back to sober Jasper. And yet, not. Because where he’d once shut her out, here he was opening up.
Could their relationship be turning a new corner as she’d hoped?
Emma Jane sat on her bed, pleased that at least Jasper had made himself comfortable on her chair.
“I don’t think she saved your life so you would feel guilty for living.” She gestured to the Bible she’d been reading. “I’ve been reading in John, where Jesus says that He’s come so people can have abundant life. I know it’s not an exact parallel, but Christ’s sacrifice was meant for us to be able to do good with our lives. Surely Mel dying for you was similar.”
Jasper stared at her for a moment, and Emma Jane felt silly for saying such things. Her mother and sister used to mock her for all of her “Bible nonsense,” and even her father told her it wasn’t seemly for a woman to be so familiar with Scriptures.
“I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way,” Jasper said slowly. “You used to say things like that in Sunday school, things that made me think. I’d forgotten until now.”
Emma Jane felt her face warm, just as it had when their Sunday school teacher had complimented her. The other girls in the class, however, had teased her mercilessly. On top of all of her other faults, she’d been too bold in showing off her knowledge.
“Why are you embarrassed?” Jasper looked at her with an intensity that made her feel even more unclothed than she already was. “You used to say such interesting things in Sunday school, then you stopped.”
Then, with a note of what sounded like regret, he said, “And then you stopped coming at all.”
“I was tired of being made fun of by the other girls.” The words came out almost as a whisper, and her chest burned as she said them.
“I’m sorry. I never noticed.”
He truly did sound as though he felt badly for not noticing. But no one noticed Emma Jane. Not unless they found something to tease her about. Except Jasper. He’d never teased her.
“It’s all right. I stopped going to most of the church functions and took to reading the Bible on my own. I know it’s not seemly for a woman to spend so much time reading the Bible, but sometimes it was all I had.”
“Why did you come to the church picnic?”
Back to their shared history and events that they both seemed like they wanted to forget but couldn’t.
“My mother made me. I didn’t want to go. I knew word of my father’s bad night at cards had gotten out. But my mother said it was our only hope.”
“Marrying me.” His voice came out raspy, like it hurt to say the words as much as it hurt Emma Jane to admit her shame.
“Yes.” And then, because she couldn’t help it, “I’m sorry. I never meant any of this to happen.”
Flora’s words at the church came back to her. “I heard some of the talk that’s gotten around about what happened. I want you to know...”
“Stop. Please.” He ran a hand over his face. “I thought I could do this. I thought I wanted to get through it, but...”
Jasper let out a long sigh. “I want to understand, Emma Jane. But there’s still so much of me that thinks about what was taken away from me,