what you want and what you don’t want.”
“That’s just it. I don’t think I know.” Kylie dropped her head against the back of the chair and closed her eyes. “It’s weird, Ashley. I keep feeling like I’m meeting myself for the first time and I don’t know who I am anymore. I remember who I used to be. But who am I now?”
Coop spoke slowly. “I realize I’m a stranger here and should probably just keep my mouth shut...”
Kylie opened her eyes and looked at him. “Just say it.” At this point she had no idea who might hold a key that would unlock the tension inside her and just allow her to move on. Because moving on was her only choice, and she really couldn’t understand why she was resisting it, fighting it, as if nothing mattered but remembering.
“There are a lot of ways life can give us that feeling,” he said quietly. “I’ve had it a few times myself. An experience that completely changes you. Now admittedly, I knew exactly what I’d been through that caused it, but I do understand the feeling. It’ll pass, Kylie. Whether you regain your memory or not, eventually you accept that who you are now is all you are now.”
“Wise words,” she said quietly.
He shook his head a little. “I’m no sage. I’m just trying to tell you that what you’re feeling is a natural response to a huge change.”
She propped her chin in her hand and closed her eyes, thinking about it. He was right. But so was she. Life had stolen something priceless from her, and she didn’t think she was going to be happy about that anytime soon. But wondering who she was? Maybe that was a pointless exercise.
Ashley spoke. “You’re looking tired, Kylie. I’ll leave now and let the girls know you’re okay. Or Coop can tell Connie.”
“You go ahead,” Coop said. “I’ve been temporarily banished for the crime of overstimulating kids.”
Ashley laughed. “The two young ones wind up faster than a top. How long is your banishment?”
“Only until tomorrow morning. Then I’ll be in demand again.”
Kylie watched Ashley rise and head for the door, Coop right behind her, playing the host. Or maybe he was interested in her, too. Ashley was beautiful, all right, with that strawberry blonde hair, a color no one would ever get out of a bottle. Next to her, Kylie felt plain, not that she’d ever minded before.
But then Ashley was gone and it was just her and Coop. She hadn’t touched the coffee he’d poured, but he grabbed the mugs and carried them to the kitchen, and when he returned with them, he poured more for both of them.
“You want me to be scarce?” he asked. “I do know how.”
She looked at him and envied him. “Right now I wish I were in your skin.”
A surprised sound escaped him. “What?”
“You look so comfortable with yourself. Like earlier, when Ashley was here, you just sat there looking like you belong right here.”
He hesitated, then sat, legs splayed, elbows resting on his jeans. “I’m not sure I’m following.”
“I don’t feel like I belong anywhere anymore,” she admitted, feeling as if her heart were tearing. “I don’t know why. I practically grew up in this house, but I don’t feel like I belong here, either. And...I’m scared all the time!”
There, she’d admitted it and she wasn’t happy with her own outburst. She felt weak, silly, maybe a little crazy. The only Kylie she remembered was the one from years ago, before life had stolen so much from her. That Kylie hadn’t lived in fear. That Kylie had been happy being Kylie and had felt comfortable in this house, in this town...
“God,” she whispered, “what did that man do to me?”
Coop didn’t know how to respond. All the appropriate words sprang to mind about traumas, major life changes, all of it, but speaking them wasn’t going to fix a damn thing for Kylie, and she’d probably heard it all already from the medical people. He understood what she was trying to say—he could even identify with some of it—but he had no handy-dandy answers to offer.
Finally, carefully, he said, “I’m not as comfortable as I look.”
That brought her head up, and her reddening eyes fixed on him. “You look like you own your space.”
“That’s easy to do when you’re a big guy and a marine. But it’s all on the surface.”
She started to shake her head, and he could tell she didn’t believe him.
“Look,” he said. “I’m living in your sister’s house for a few weeks. Nice offer and all that, and I wouldn’t want to offend her or cause my cousin to feel bad, but frankly I’d be a whole lot more comfortable in that motel no one wants me to stay at. Instead I’m a guest in a stranger’s house.”
The disbelief began to fade, and interest leavened her face a bit. “That makes sense to me.”
“It probably does. I’m just sorry you’re feeling that way in a house you grew up in. That’s wrong. Anyway, what did that guy do to you? He stole from you, and he stole things that no one should ever have to lose, but unfortunately people get robbed of them all the time. You might be fairly unique with your memory loss, but lots of people lose their sense of safety. I don’t know what he did to you physically, but I can see the emotional results and, while they’re normal, they stink. And they’re something you’re just going to have to ride out.”
He wished he had more to offer, but all he could give her was honesty. Call it what she might, Kylie had some grieving to do, and grief was never an easy road. More like a roller coaster—it would come in waves and just when you thought maybe you were on top of it, it would slam you once again.
Then he decided to change the subject. It was all he could think of that wouldn’t make her brood more about her situation. “So this Todd who came earlier. Old friend?”
Kylie shrugged. “We went to school together. We dated a few times but...” She sighed. “What can you say about dating someone in high school? Relationships change fast. I think he was mad at me for not going to the prom with him, but by then we hadn’t dated in months. I was surprised he even asked.”
“You liked him?”
“Sort of.” He was relieved to see her expression lighten a bit, and hear a small laugh escape her. “We were kids, Coop. He’s good-looking, and that got my attention, but when it came to the actual dating part... We just didn’t hit it off. It was a relief to move on. I enjoyed time with my girlfriends more.”
He nodded. “Well, it was nice of him to stop by.”
“I suppose. Ashley might have been right about curiosity, though. I wonder if I’m going to get a lot of that. Maybe I should charge admission. Come see the woman who lost her memory.”
Then she really did laugh, and a prickle of unease ran through him. Her mood seemed to be swinging fast. But instead of worrying him further, she simply leaned back, smiling. “Well, I can still remember high school, including giving Todd his letter sweater back.”
“You only had a couple of dates but he gave you his letter?”
“I know. We moved fast back then, didn’t we?”
Coop didn’t remember it that way, but after a moment’s thought he could remember a few couples who had. For his own part he’d never dated much until after he’d left home and joined the corps. Even then his job and tastes had limited him.
“Anyway, he did seem mad at me for a few months after I refused to go to the prom with him, but it blew over. It was hardly the end of the world, after all, and he went with another girl,