loved her son and did everything in her power to be a good mother to him. The first couple of years had been especially trying and she was honest enough to know she’d been a basket case and not the parent Elias had needed. Fortunately her mother and father had filled the gap, giving their grandson all the love and attention he’d needed. Her parents had constantly urged her to stop wandering around like a ghost and give Elias her full attention. She hadn’t had the strength. It wasn’t until she’d heard Elias call her mother “Mommy” that Raven had begun to focus on her son.
But when the night came and Elias was safely asleep, she’d let her mind wander down the road to the secret place in her heart where Donovan lived. In the quiet midnight hour, she’d write letters to him that she knew he would never get. She’d done that every night until two days ago when she’d realized that to go forward she needed to put the past behind her. She was engaged to a good man who deserved all of her heart.
And now Donovan was back. She couldn’t allow him to consume her life again. It was clear now that she’d loved him more than he’d loved her. Apparently he’d said goodbye to her years ago. Well now she’d said goodbye. She was engaged to another man and getting married in four weeks. Donovan might be back in town but he was out of her life. He was part of her past and that was where she intended for him to stay.
“I think I’ll sit outside for a while,” Raven said to her parents, who were sitting in the living room. Following her breakdown in the meadow, Raven had ridden back to the ranch and helped her mother clean up the dinner dishes. She’d expected her mother to ask her about Donovan’s visit, but she hadn’t said a blessed word. Marilyn must have known Raven wasn’t up to talking about it because she’d kept the conversation light.
That extended to the hour before Elias’s bath time, when he’d dominated the conversation, talking about his plans for summer vacation. What he’d conveniently overlooked was that there were two more weeks of school, including final exams. She’d checked his homework and was pleased that he’d gotten all of his math problems correct. She let him read for half an hour before going to sleep each night, so after he selected one of the three books he was reading simultaneously, she’d set the timer for thirty minutes and reminded him to go to sleep when it went off. She’d picked up a stray sock and tossed it into his hamper then joined her parents in the living room.
“Carson not coming over tonight?” her father asked her as she headed outside.
“No. He’s spending the evening with his mother. She’s taking his father’s death really hard.”
“I imagine.”
“And since he’s their only child, she’s leaning on him a lot.”
“He’s a good son and a good man,” Marilyn said. Raven’s mother was Carson’s biggest fan. Raven had no doubt that her mother was hinting she shouldn’t let Donovan ruin her good relationship. Her mother would probably bring it up more directly later.
Raven nodded. “I know.”
“I’ll make a casserole and a cake and drop it off tomorrow,” Marilyn added.
“I’ll go with you.” She’d spoken to Carson a couple of times since his father’s sudden death, but they hadn’t spent much time alone. He and his father hadn’t been close when Carson was growing up, but they’d grown close over the past few years.
Her father picked up the Remote and turned on the television. It was time for his favorite show and his participation in the conversation was done. Her mother put on her glasses and picked up her needlepoint, so Raven considered herself dismissed.
The day had been hot and sticky but now that the sun had set, the weather was pleasant. Raven went out to the porch and sat on the wicker love seat, placing her feet on the wooden chest. She inhaled the sweet night air, trying to rid herself of the day’s tension.
Letting her head fall against the back of the seat, she closed her eyes and allowed her mind to float free. Usually she spent at least part of the evening replaying the events of the day. Not tonight. Today had been emotionally draining and she didn’t want to relive it. Oh, she was happy that Donovan was alive and unhurt. How could she not be? She just wished he’d contacted her years ago if only to tell her that he’d started his life over somewhere else. Without her. That way she wouldn’t have wasted ten years of her life waiting for him to come back to her.
Just thinking of her lost years angered her, although she wasn’t sure whether she was angrier with Donovan or with herself. Her mother had tried to encourage her to move on, but Raven hadn’t been willing to for years. She’d foolishly believed in a love that had only been a mirage. One thing was sure. She was never going to be that stupid again. She’d spend time with Donovan to allow him to establish a relationship with Elias. But there was no way she’d ever let him near her heart again.
Her phone rang and she fished it out of her pocket. One look at the screen and her annoyance flared. Donovan. What could he possibly want? They’d just talked four hours ago. He had gone ten years without speaking to her and now he wouldn’t leave her alone. She briefly considered not answering but her curiosity got the better of her. Besides, he lived close enough that he might just pop over.
“Yes?” she answered. Hello, no matter how curtly spoken, wouldn’t have adequately expressed her irritation.
“Raven?” Donovan’s voice was quiet and deeper than this afternoon. Hearing it now brought back memories of the endless hours they’d spent on the telephone while they’d been dating. Though they’d regularly met at their secret place, they hadn’t been able to get enough of each other and they’d had intimate phone conversations, as well.
She found herself smiling and forced the reminiscence away. Those nightly conversations had meant everything to her but they’d meant nothing to him. She’d do well to remember that. “Were you expecting someone else? This is my number you called.”
He laughed. “True enough. Listen, I hope I’m not bothering you. I was just thinking about things Elias and I can do together.”
“Elias, you and me.”
“Of course. And you. I would never forget about you, Raven.”
She rolled her eyes at how easily the lie slid from his lips. He’d forgotten about her for ten years. “Sure.”
“I never forgot about you, Raven,” he said as though reading her mind.
“You just never had time to call.” She hated how sad she sounded. The last thing she wanted was for him to know how badly he’d hurt her. “Anyway, I’m sure you didn’t call to rehash the past. What can I do for you?”
He was silent. For a minute she thought he might explain why he hadn’t contacted her, but he didn’t. “Elias mentioned a carnival in Sweet Briar. He seemed excited to go, so I thought we could do that. We could have fun and get to know each other gradually.”
“Let me think about it, okay?”
“What did you tell him about me?”
“You were there. You heard every word I said. He didn’t bring you up again and neither did I.”
“I meant about his father. Obviously you didn’t tell him my name.”
“No. I told him that his father loved him and that he had to go away.”
“Anything else?”
“I didn’t know anything else,” she snapped. “I still don’t.”
“Raven.”
“Never mind. I don’t care anymore. It won’t change a thing. What we had is past. We’ve both moved on. I’d prefer not to discuss the past.” Nothing could give her back those years. Talking about it would only make her feel more foolish.
“Okay.