past four days, he’d given her trite answers and she’d accepted them before watching him leave.
All nice and as indifferent as if they’d met for the first time when he came to inquire about purchasing milch. Because, the truth was, she wasn’t sure if he was the same man she’d known two years ago. The thought almost brought an ironic laugh from her as she finished milking the last goat in the pen.
If she’d known Gabriel as well as she’d thought she had two years ago, she wouldn’t have been blindsided by him marrying someone else.
Hearing the rattle of buggy wheels, Leanna pushed her way out of the pen. She put down the buckets to double-check the gate was secured. Goats were escape artists, and she didn’t want to give them any opportunity to sneak out.
Either she was late this morning or Gabriel was early. Usually she had the milch portioned out before he arrived.
She waited to cross the driveway until he’d slowed the black horse pulling his buggy. When he stepped out, he didn’t wave to her. Instead, he turned to look inside the vehicle. Had he brought the bopplin with him? If so, it was the first time since he’d come to see if she’d sell him milch.
Setting the buckets on the back porch, she went to the buggy. Two car seats had been secured to the back bench. She could see tiny wiggling feet, but not their faces because the seats were set so the kinder looked toward the rear. Families carried their littlest kinder on the laps of parents or older siblings. She’d never given any thought to how bopplin would travel with only a driver.
“May I see the twins?” she asked.
“Sure.”
She unlatched the door and started to raise it. When she stood on tiptoe to stretch it over her head, he took it and lifted it up to its full extent. Having him stand so close threatened to sweep her breath away, and she had to focus on breathing in and out so he wouldn’t notice he still had that effect on her. She didn’t want him to think she was a dummkopf for not ridding herself of her attraction for him. If only it were as easy to turn off as the lights on his buggy...
“Oh, my!” she gasped when she saw the bopplin. Both had inherited Gabriel’s red hair, and they regarded her with big, brown eyes so much like his. “They’re cute!”
“I think so.”
“Of course you do. You’re their daed.”
“Ja, there’s that.”
She tore her eyes from the adorable youngsters to look at Gabriel. When he didn’t smile, she wondered if she’d offended him with her praise. He’d never been stiff-necked before. He’d been an open book when she first met him.
Her smile vanished as she reminded herself that wasn’t true. She’d fooled herself then about him, believing she’d known him when she hadn’t. Otherwise, why had she assumed he cared about her?
How wrong she’d been!
She blinked hot tears as she focused on the kids again. Harley was dressed in a loose garment that would make changing his diapers easier. The little girl wore a white schlupp schotzli, a tiny pinafore apron, over a dark blue dress. The little girl grinned and made gooing sounds. Leanna was lost as the boppli’s smile warmed her heart, which had been as cold as winter since she’d heard about Gabriel’s plans to marry.
Not waiting to ask Gabriel’s permission, Leanna reached in and began to unbuckle the little girl. He started to do the same for Harley. Both kids bounced with their excitement at being released from the seats.
Leanna cradled the little girl for a moment before the active kind wanted to sit up. Balancing the boppli on her hip as she once had done her youngest sibling, she let herself enjoy the moment. Kenny was twelve now. She’d held plenty of other kinder since then, but there hadn’t been the same knowing that having this kind in her arms was meant to be.
Until now.
“Her name is Heidi,” Gabriel said, helping her shove away the thought that should never have come into her mind.
“Harley and Heidi. Those aren’t common names.”
“My daed’s grossdawdi was named Harley, and my mamm’s great-aenti’s name was Heidi. From what I’ve been told, she was given that name because it was her mamm’s favorite story growing up.”
Curious why both twins had been named for Gabriel’s family instead of one for Freda’s, Leanna didn’t want to ruin the moment by reminding him of whom he’d lost. “Keeping a name alive in a family is a nice way to honor those who came before us. Annie and I were named for Grossmammi Inez’s favorite aentis. It created a connection for us though they died before we were born.”
She stiffened as she realized what she’d said.
He cupped her shoulder with his broad hand, creating another unexpected connection. “Don’t think you have to choose every word so it won’t remind me of Freda’s death. I can’t forget it.”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s impossible to forget such a loss.”
Gently squeezing her shoulder, he said, “Danki. I’m sorry you, too, learned about such losses when you were young.” He lifted his fingers from her shoulder, and the bridge between them vanished. “Can we get the milch? I know you don’t want to be late for work.”
Leanna motioned for Gabriel to come inside. He lowered the buggy’s back and latched it, then followed her. She paused by the steps and looked at the forgotten milch buckets. Her mind was in such a turmoil she couldn’t think of how to handle both of them while she held Heidi.
“You get one, and I’ll get the other,” Gabriel said from behind her.
“Danki.”
She used the time it took to walk up the steps and through the mudroom to try to compose herself. When she entered the kitchen where her family was finishing breakfast, Grossmammi Inez looked past her to smile at Gabriel. Annie arched a single brow and remained silent.
Juanita, who at fourteen was already taller than her older sisters, came forward to take Heidi so Leanna could divide up the milch. Cooing at the little girl, Juanita and Kenny made faces to make the bopplin laugh.
Leanna’s arms felt empty as she put her pail next to the one Gabriel had carried into the house. She poured out the milch and stored the amount she had left over for making soap in the freezer. She put the small containers she’d filled for Gabriel on the counter.
He reached for them, then halted. “I need some advice on making the formula. When I follow the recipe, it comes out so thick the bopplin have real trouble sucking it from the bottle.”
“Do you have a bottle with you?”
He held up a finger, then rushed out of the kitchen. Returning before she’d finished rinsing out the buckets, he checked the room to see who was holding his kinder, and his shoulders relaxed when he saw they were still being entertained by Juanita and Kenny. He was a gut daed.
Then his eyes caught hers. So many questions raced through his gaze, questions she wasn’t ready to answer. To do so would upset the fragile status quo, and doing that could make the situation more uncomfortable.
If possible.
* * *
Gabriel cut his eyes away before Leanna discerned too much about the secrets he hid. She’d always known what he was thinking and feeling before he did. Before, it had been charming. Now it could destroy the rickety sculpture of half-truths he’d built to protect those he’d promised he’d never hurt.
“Let me see the bottle,” Leanna said, holding out her hand.
He gave it to her and watched as she tilted it and tried to sprinkle the formula