her own anger burned. “Are you serious?” The words forced their way out from between clenched teeth. “I did talk. You had three modes.” She held up one finger, keeping her scar facing her. “Drunk.” The second finger went up. “Asleep.” Then the third, the one she used to wear her wedding ring on. “Hungover. When was I supposed to reason with you?”
“You took my child and ran.” He closed his eyes and rolled his shoulders. When he opened them, his gaze bored into her. He appeared calm, but clearly determined.
“When I spoke to my lawyer about child support, I also asked her to look into my rights as a father. I want to see my daughter. What does she know about me?”
Fear jumbled her insides into a big ball of mush. This was what she had been afraid of, the one thing she wanted to avoid at all costs. “I’ve never hidden you from her.” Much to her mother’s dismay. “I’ve shared a couple of pictures of us from when we were dating. She knows that her name is a combination of her father’s family name and my grandmother’s name.”
“Why does she think I’m not around?” Tension reappeared in his shoulders. “Does she know you stole her?”
She leaned closer to him. “I did not kidnap my daughter.” He needed to understand that her daughter, their daughter, was the most important person in this mess.
“I was protecting her the only way I knew how. You’d started drinking. I was not going to bring my baby into a house where objects went crashing into walls without warning or wait around to see if you got better.” Over Elijah’s shoulder, she saw the cheerful waitress heading to their table carrying a tray that held chips and guacamole, as well as a glass pitcher full of lemonade with fresh sliced lemons.
Twisting, he looked to see what had caused her to stop talking. With a tight smile, he thanked the blonde.
“Did you need menus, Mr. De La Rosa?”
He looked at Jazmine.
She shook her head. “No. I had dinner already.” She wasn’t even sure she could keep down the lemonade.
“We’re good, Jenny. If I need anything else, I’ll come in and let you know.”
“Yes, sir.” With one more perfect smile and a polite but curious look, she left.
Did Elijah bring dates here a lot?
That was none of her business.
It was back to the heavy silence. The discussion had derailed again. Years ago, she had put all the anger and bitterness behind her. Or at least she thought she had. “Elijah—”
“I want—”
Speaking on top of each other, they both stopped. His fingers ran over the surface of the envelope. Had she made a mistake?
The real question was, did she make it six years ago or tonight, like her mother thought?
He laced his fingers in front of him. With his head down like that, he looked as if he were praying. Maybe she should join him. The only thing she knew right now was that God had to be in control. Because she and Elijah had made a mess. She didn’t want their daughter paying the price.
He cleared his throat. “Sorry. It’s been a few years since I’ve had to go through this. I’ve forgotten how difficult it could be.”
Confused, her gaze scanned his face, looking for clues to what he was thinking. He had always been good at hiding his feelings. “What do you mean?”
“Letting people air the hurts I caused them without getting defensive. It’s part of the program, the twelve steps. The list I started telling you about at the mission, but we got a little distracted. I have to find each one and express my true regret for the damage I’ve done. The person I hurt gets to vent and I listen. No excuses, I just listen. You were the only one left on my list. The last one. The one who deserves the biggest apology.” He reached across the table like he wanted to touch her, but then pulled back.
“I destroyed our marriage with my drinking. I...I know I did that. Those are the words that I’ve wanted to say to you, and I mean every single one of them. You had every right to walk out, but we have a daughter now and I’m at a loss as to what that means. It’s another horrible casualty of my drinking, but the thought of everything I missed is killing me. I can’t get back those years.”
“That’s why I’m here. But I have to be honest. Trusting you again is not going to be easy. I’m worried.”
He nodded, then looked up and made eye contact. “I’m sober. Soon it will be six years. I can’t fix the past, but we can move forward. I want to see her tomorrow.”
Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she organized her thoughts before answering. “You might have been sober for years, but in my mind, it was just the other day that you...” She looked down. “It might be best if we wait a little longer.”
He tossed his head back and stared at the night sky again. His chest expanded with deep, hard breaths. “Maybe it would be better for everyone if we finish this discussion in a courtroom. I’ll call my lawyer in the morning.”
His full attention was back on her. The eyes that she used to stare into for hours now looked at her with anger. Not filled with the love from the beginning or the drunk haze they held last time she saw him, but clear crisp determination.
Her stomach turned. “Elijah, I don’t—”
“I’m not the poor ranch kid from six years ago. If we have to go to court, I will. I deserve to have her in my life.”
She held up her hand. “No.”
He put his hands on top of hers, gently holding it to the table. Nerves tingled up her arm and down her spine. She stared at the hands that use to hold her with tenderness before the drinking. Clearing her head, she tried to pull away.
At first he increased the pressure, but then let her go.
“I won’t—” His voice was low and calm, but she didn’t doubt his iron will.
“Elijah, I didn’t mean you can’t see her. I just don’t want to drag her through court. I came here tonight so we can work something out between us. Her parents.”
Finally breaking eye contact, he propped his elbows on the table and rested his forehead on his palms. “What about your parents? Every time I tried to get in contact with you, they had restraining orders thrown at me. What makes you think they’ll go along with this now?”
Cutting her gaze to the busy restaurant, Jazmine felt thankful to be in public. It would help them both keep emotions in check.
“You know your drinking was very hard on them. That might be the one thing they can never forgive you for. You know our family history.” She blinked back the wetness in her eyes.
* * *
With a tight nod, Elijah acknowledged the horrible truth. Her parents had lost a child because of a drunk driver. His gut burned. There was nothing to say to that.
“I’ll take care of my parents. I came here tonight because it’s time Rosemarie met her father. But Elijah, it has to be on my terms. I know there’s a whole family she needs to meet, but please give me time. It’s been just her and me. Bringing you into her life is not easy.”
He wanted to point out that she had made this hard, not him. “I want to see her tomorrow.”
“Okay, but not alone. That’s my stipulation. I can’t trust you yet. Besides, she doesn’t know you. To her, you’re a stranger.”
A sadness replaced the fury. “Because you took her from me.” The words fought against the rawness in his throat.
She swallowed. “To protect her. She’s very shy. If you come over for lunch, it will be a comfortable and safe way to introduce you.”
“And she knows I’m her father, right?”