of being lectured by Cricket, yet the instrument of his conscience-picking was at least attractive. Rain suddenly slashed the windows, and Jack noted the room had gotten darker. “When you plan for drapes, maybe something heavy enough to keep out the cold in winter and the heat in summer would be nice,” he said, watching the rain run in rivulets down the wall of windows. “No sheer lacy things that just look pretty and serve little purpose.”
“Oh?” Cricket straightened, much to his disappointment. “Planning on living here?”
“I don’t think so,” he said softly. “I haven’t stayed in the same place for more than three nights in many, many years. That’s not likely to ever change for me.”
She looked at him, her gaze widening. It seemed to Jack that she reconsidered whatever she was about to say. Then she put away her things, allowing them to be swallowed by the enormous gypsy bag she carried, and said, “I’ll be going now. It was good to see you again.”
He laughed. “You are a gifted fibber.”
“Just because I have good manners does not make me a liar.”
“Whatever.”
“I’ll see myself to the front door.”
He nodded amiably. “You do that.”
She slipped past him, her carriage straight as a schoolteacher’s. Because she was tall and lean, she moved gracefully, a sight he’d probably always enjoy watching. He really liked the way her dark hair fell around her shoulders, lustrous and probably softer than…hell, he didn’t know what would be as soft as that woman’s hair must be. It just looked silky, and it probably smelled good, too.
This train of thought was taking him nowhere fast. He was behaving like an ass to Cricket, and Pop’s disappearance wasn’t her fault. Jack got up and followed her to the door, where she stood staring out at the rain-whipped blackness.
“You probably don’t have a raincoat in that suitcase-sized purse of yours.”
“I’ll be fine,” Cricket said. “You have enough to worry about without concerning yourself about me.”
“I didn’t say I was worried. But it didn’t escape my notice that your tires are fairly bald, and your car is a tad past old, and the roads will be a mess getting up to the highway. In other words, drive safely.”
She looked up at him. “My, aren’t we the gentleman suddenly?”
He scratched his head. “Tell me again which church you serve as a deacon?”
“I never told you at all.”
“That’s true. I’m just curious what congregation would put up with such a—”
“Jack,” Cricket said, “the only thing on your mind right now should be Josiah.”
“I suspect he’s not driving in this weather. Nor is he out in it,” Jack said.
Cricket hesitated.
“This isn’t going to be a popular theory,” Jack said, “but I’m betting that little Beetle of yours with the gummy tires doesn’t make it to the main road. You’ll be calling someone to hitch you out of the mud in less than five minutes. I’m sure my father would suggest you stay put until the rain passes.”
Cricket closed the door. “I’ll accept your father’s kind invitation.”
He nodded. “I bet if we poke around in the kitchen we’ll find something to eat.”
“I’m not hungry, thank you.”
That was too bad. He’d been hoping she’d be eager to show off some of her culinary skills. “You don’t like me very much, do you?”
“Let’s not make this personal,” Cricket said, making herself at home at the kitchen table while Jack checked out the contents of the fridge.
“Not me,” Jack said. “I’m Mr. Impersonal.”
“Wonder where he is, anyway?”
“You’d know better than me.” There was fresh turkey and cheese in the meat drawer, and Jack felt the evening was improving already.
“There’s a guesthouse on the ranch, right? A few barns?”
“I’ve searched everywhere.” Jack closed the door, leaving the food behind, suddenly lacking an appetite. He felt a confession coming on, and those were never very good for his gut.
Cricket watched him. “What are you doing?”
Jack took a deep breath, slid into the seat opposite Cricket’s. “See, here’s the deal. The old man was rough on us, me in particular. He wasn’t the kind of father who’d play ball with you, he wasn’t around much, he wore us out with his criticism. If I had a penny for every mean thing he said to me, I’d be a wealthy man, I promise. Me, more than any of my brothers, never measured up. And he hated what I loved most, which probably just made me love rodeo more. I didn’t have to be good enough for Pop when I was riding—it was just me and the bull and hanging on for the sake of winning.”
“So what happened?”
“He blamed me for a car accident my kid brothers had when they sneaked out to see me ride one night.” He looked at Cricket, the old, painful memories rushing over him. “The thing that ticked me off the most was that I was crazy about my brothers. We felt like all we had was each other, and I basically got to be the father, in a way. I loved them. I would never have hurt them. I had no idea they were sneaking out to watch me that night.” Still, the painful accusations cut. Remembering the beating his old man tried to give him hurt, too, but even more painful was the fact that he’d fought back. The two of them had gone at each other like prize-fighters, and Jack wasn’t proud of it. “I suppose in the end I let him beat me,” Jack said, “but I took skin from him before he did.”
“I am so sorry,” Cricket said, reaching across the table to pat his hands, which he noticed were splayed in front of him as if he needed the comfort. He moved his hands to his knees under the table, not wanting to appear as if he needed sympathy.
“I don’t even know why I’m here,” he murmured. But he did know, he knew he still loved his brothers, and Pop wanted those grandchildren, and if all it cost to make everybody happy—buy forgiveness—was a kidney, then that was cheap.
“Maybe you are a good man,” Cricket said. “Maybe you really want to do the right thing.”
He looked at her, then slowly shook his head. “I don’t think so.” He would never be good enough to live in her world. Repairing the cracks of his relationship with his family would take more than anything he had in his soul. Thunder and lightning cracked and boomed over the house, snapping the lights off. The refrigerator stopped humming. He thought he heard one of the many pecan trees that bordered the property give a tired groan, a warning that much more wind would drive it to split. “The lights’ll come back on,” Jack said to soothe Cricket.
“I’m not afraid of the dark.”
Of course, she wouldn’t be. She’d probably produce a glow-in-the-dark Bible from her purse, lead a few prayers, invoke the heavenly spirits for safety, and it would never cross her mind that the thing she should be afraid of was him.
Chapter Four
“I remember there was a flashlight somewhere in the kitchen.” Cricket felt along the walls, wishing she could recall where she’d seen a plug-in flashlight. While she had to admit to a sneaky bit of excitement at being in total darkness with Jack, this was the type of thrill she didn’t need in her life. “Aha!” Pulling it from the wall, she turned it on, flashing the light right at Jack’s face. He was smiling, she saw, a sort of catlike grin.
“Feel better?” Jack asked.
“Since I don’t see in the dark, yes, I do.” How dare he pull on her heartstrings