one shoulder in a half shrug, she said, “All kinds of things, child development, business courses, design, some self-help classes where you learn how to end clutter in your life or build up your psyche with daily affirmations. That kind of thing.”
“Ah.” He nodded in understanding. “Sounds … boring.”
His honesty surprised a laugh from her. “Some of it, yes. Some are ridiculous. Some are definitely more helpful than others. I just enjoy getting out, learning something new.”
“Like jewelry design and faceting?” he said.
“Exactly.”
The waiter arrived with their salads and to top up their water.
“Share something ridiculous,” Rick demanded as soon as the waiter left.
Ridiculous? That shouldn’t be hard. The man had a master’s degree in Business Administration; he’d probably find most of what she went for ridiculous. Actually, she knew just the thing to tickle his fancy.
“In Strengthening Your Relationships, to get into your partner’s point of view, you’re supposed to strip completely naked, lie down on the bed and imagine yourself as a man.”
“I am a man.” No hesitation. No apology.
Oh, yeah. As if she needed to be reminded of his male factor.
“You would be imagining yourself as a woman.”
His dark eyebrows spiked up. “That is ridiculous. Who thinks these things up?”
“Doctors, therapists.” She speared a bite of lettuce, dipped it in her dressing. “The point is to see, to feel, to react from the aspect of your mate.”
“Sensitivity training.” The corner of his sensual mouth curled down, indicating what he thought of the idea. “You almost make it sound interesting.”
“Thanks. I think,” she said, defiant, though in truth his comment pleased her. She liked the thought of engaging his interest. But she wasn’t sure she didn’t agree with his obvious disdain of the topic. In fact, her imagination was working overtime, putting naked, bed and man together, and not just any man, but Rick.
Heat rose in her cheeks, and she reached for her ice water to cool off.
Rick’s gaze narrowed then became intense as he slowly chewed and swallowed. “Why relationship seminars? You haven’t mentioned a man in your life.”
She wished she had a name to give him, that in truth she had a man in her life. If she were involved, Rick would be easier to resist. But there hadn’t been a man in her life in close to seven months. And then it had been more of a friendship than anything else.
She demanded a lot when it came to love. She wanted what her younger brother had found with his wife, Kathy, what her mother and father had had before her mother died and her father buried himself in work. A loving partner to spend her life with.
“I’m ready for a new relationship,” she admitted slowly.
“With a man who pretends he’s a woman?”
“No.” Amused, she shook her finger at him. “You’re trying to mess with me, but it’s not going to work. The sensitivity training was just a class. And I admit I got more out of the seminar on clutter control.” She swirled her glass on the table. “Have you tried to patch things up with Diana?”
He’d broken up with the woman just after Savannah had started at Sullivans’ Jewels. Diana had called several times over the past couple of weeks. Rick had taken the calls but they’d been very brief.
The waiter appeared, holding steaming plates of fragrant food. He stepped aside so the busboy could take the salad dishes, Rick’s empty, hers half-eaten.
“Careful, the plates are hot,” the waiter said as he set the dishes down, asked if they had everything they needed and then discreetly disappeared.
Rick frowned as he picked up his knife and fork. “It’s over. We had some good times, but she was looking to change the rules, so it was time to end it.”
“Of course, you have relationship rules.” She shook her head as she took a bite of her fish. “I’m curious, what do you have against marriage? Most of your brothers are happily married. From what I’ve heard your parents and grandparents were happily married, yet you seem to be dead-set against it. Why?”
“I’m not against marriage,” he denied. “I wish my brothers and their beautiful wives all the best. It’s just not for me.”
“Why not?” she pressed, trying to understand his position. “I’m focused on my career right now, but in the future I want a family, a partner and a couple of kids. Don’t you see that for yourself someday?”
“I have a huge family, lots of nieces and nephews. I don’t need kids of my own. My work gives me more satisfaction than any relationship I’ve ever been in.”
Although Rick was not normally a man to be pitied, Savannah felt sorry for the lonely future he outlined.
“I love my job. Thirteen-hour days notwithstanding.” She sent him a telling glance through thick lashes, and then smiled. “But I can’t see it being enough for me. I need family in my life.”
He nodded, his features expressionless as he focused on cutting his steak. “So you’d choose family over work?”
“Probably.” Time to turn the tables. “What about you?”
“I love my job, too.” Laughter brightening his blue eyes, he toasted her. “Thirteen-hour days notwithstanding.”
Appreciating his comeback, she raised her glass and clicked rims with him. Still, his evasion challenged her. He didn’t often open up like this—okay he never opened up like this—and she perversely welcomed the chance to get to know more about him.
Perversely because she knew better than to open herself to him.
“I meant, don’t you want love in your life?” she asked curiously.
“No.” He didn’t even hesitate. “I’m not getting married,” he reminded her. “Love isn’t worth the pain.”
He’d been hurt. The sharpness of his tone revealed a depth of emotion he kept carefully buried. He’d lost his parents when he was so young. She knew how tough that was, knew how every subsequent loss to the heart compounded the pain, leaving you feeling raw and exposed. Those were not emotions that would sit easily with Rick.
It saddened her to see such a strong man give up.
“I’m sorry for your pain, but love hurts because it’s important.” She gently covered his hand with her own. “It doesn’t mean you have to give up on having a family of your own.”
His openness closed down in a blink as he pulled his hand free of her touch and disappeared behind a facade of indifference.
“It’s not a loss if it’s not what you want.”
Or if you told yourself you didn’t want it so the hurting stopped. Kind of what she’d done with her dream of going to college.
“You’re right.” Common sense returned on a wave of self-preservation. Why let his attitude bother her when she had self-deceptions of her own? Suddenly uncomfortable with the topic, she sought a change. “Who started this conversation anyway?”
“You did,” he reminded her as he pushed his plate aside. “You said you wanted to settle down someday and have a family.”
“Right. Well that’s a long way in the future.” Nodding to the waiter’s offer of coffee, she dismissed the serious conversation with a careless wave of her hand. “I’m not looking for anything permanent right now.” She met his gaze over her mug. “So maybe I need to know more about those rules you were talking about.”