He held up my phone. ‘You left it in my car.’
I didn’t care about my wretched phone. I took it from him and all but tossed it on the little table in the front hall. ‘Have you seen Freddy?’ I asked.
His brow furrowed. ‘Freddy?’
‘The little dog I had in the park,’ I said, my breathing still all over the place. ‘He’s gone. Disappeared. Vanished. I can’t find him anywhere.’ I could hear my voice cracking and swallowed to clear the blockage of emotion strangling me. ‘He must have got out. I have no idea how. He was here when I left with you. I’m sure he was.’
‘Where have you looked for him?’ Matt asked in a deep, calm voice, which kind of made mine sound all the more hysterical.
‘Everywhere,’ I said. ‘Inside and outside, back and front. He’s not he-e-e-re.’ I dragged ‘here’ out like a whiny kid having a tantrum. I know. Dead embarrassing.
‘What about his owner’s house?’ he asked. ‘Have you looked there?’
I swear to God I could have kissed him. I almost did. I had to physically restrain myself from throwing my arms around his neck and smacking a big fat smoocheroo on his gorgeous mouth. I hadn’t thought about Margery’s place. It was the most obvious place to look but in my panic I hadn’t even thought about it. ‘Let’s check,’ I said instead, and scooped up my coat and scarf off the peg.
I was in such a rush to put it on I got myself in a tangle. Matt came to the rescue and held my coat behind me like a well-bred gentleman does and helped me guide my arms through the sleeves. Was it my imagination or had his hands given the tops of my shoulders a gentle and reassuring everything-is-going-to-be-all-right squeeze?
For a nanosecond I breathed in the scent of him. I allowed myself a tiny moment of feeling him standing behind me like a strong tower I could lean on. I wasn’t used to leaning on anyone for support. I hadn’t even let Andy do it, well, because he was rubbish at it, to be honest. But for that tiny fraction of a heartbeat I caught a glimpse of what it would be like to have a partner who would stand by me, who would be strong when I was falling apart, who would take control and sort out the mess I had stumbled into and make it all work out, like unpicking a really hideous knot.
We walked the few houses down to Margery’s place. The snow was falling in earnest now. It was really quite romantic, come to think of it. It was like a scene from a film—a guy and a girl walking along the street in search of a missing dog. I just hoped this one had a happy ending.
Matt used the light app on his phone to shine on the footpath so I didn’t lose my footing. I guess he must have worked out by now I was pretty clumsy when I got stressed.
When we got to Margery’s front porch there was Freddy, sitting on the doormat, shivering so hard he vibrated like a two-stroke engine. I rushed to him without thinking and bundled him into my arms, only to get one of my hands nipped for my trouble. Even though I was wearing woollen mittens—my ones with kitten faces on them, including whiskers, which might have had something to do with why Freddy attacked me—his teeth sank into my flesh almost to the bone. Well, not quite to the bone, but it sure felt like it.
‘Ouch!’ I said another word, actually, but you get the idea.
Freddy jumped out of my arms—I might have dropped him but I’m not sure—and started whining and scratching at Margery’s front door.
‘Are you okay?’ Matt asked.
I shoved my hand in my pocket. ‘Fine.’ I looked at the pathetic sight of the shivering dog desperately trying to get inside his house and felt a wave of compassion flow over me. ‘Poor little boy. He misses his mum.’
‘Separation anxiety,’ Matt said. ‘It’s because his owner treats him like a human instead of a dog.’
I glanced at him in the light being cast from the streetlight. His face was cast in shadow but the light was still strong enough to show the dark, unreadable sockets of his eyes and the long blade of his nose and his unbelievably gorgeous mouth. ‘Yes, well, Freddy is all Margery has now her husband is dead. She has no family other than a sister who doesn’t let her bring Freddy with her when she visits so what sort of sister is she?’
‘I once minded my sister’s pet rat. That’s sisterly love for you. I hate the things, but I did it because I love her.’ I guess the throbbing pain in my hand was making me run off at the mouth or something. I finally got my motor mouth under control and gave Matt a sheepish look from beneath my half-mast lashes. ‘Sorry. Rant over.’
He gave me one of his crooked smiles. ‘No problem.’
I looked back at Freddy. ‘So, little guy, we’d better come to some sort of understanding. I’m filling in for your mum so you have to do things my way. No more Houdini pranks, okay?’
Matt produced Freddy’s lead, which he had wisely taken from my hall table. I’d been in too much of a state to even think about it. He snapped it on the dog’s collar and led him away from Margery’s front door. ‘I’ll walk back with you,’ he said.
I felt foolish and embarrassed as we walked back to my house. In the last thirty-six hours I had given Matt Bishop an impression of myself that was comical rather than competent. Panicky rather than professional. And—even worse—sexually available instead of committed.
I considered telling him about my cancelled wedding. I had just enough time in the distance between Margery’s house and mine. Surely he would understand, given what he’d hinted regarding his parents’ marriage? What if I just told him about my stupid postcard fiasco and how I’d been caught off guard when I’d arrived at work? How I had felt too embarrassed to explain and lied to save face. It was a perfectly understandable reaction. I wasn’t the first person in the world to utter a little white lie or two. Maybe he’d told a few himself. Surely he’d understand. Who didn’t tell a few lies now and again? It was part of being human.
I formed the words in my head but I couldn’t get them past my lips. I couldn’t bear to tell anyone, least of all him. I felt sick at the thought of it spreading throughout the hospital. I could just imagine the looks I would get. The behind-the-hand comments people would murmur. I had seen the gossip network operate in every hospital I’d worked in. It was the same as the schoolyard network. It was cruel and unstoppable.
I thought of the way Matt had criticised my research project. I couldn’t bear to have him mock my personal life as well.
Besides, I wanted to keep my distance from him. He was far too potent for me to handle. He was clearly a man of the world. The world in which his father moved, one where women were prizes to be collected, toys to be played with and then discarded when they lost their appeal. He might have given the impression he didn’t approve of his father’s treatment of his mother, but wasn’t he doing the very same thing with me? He knew I was off limits and yet he’d kissed me. He’d made the first move … hadn’t he? Or even if he hadn’t he had been the one who had come and stood right in front of me, looking at me in that intensely mesmerising way until I’d had no choice but to meet him halfway.
I wasn’t used to feeling such wild, out-of-control feelings of lust and longing. I needed time to get my self-control reconditioned.
We came to my door and I took Freddy’s lead from Matt’s hand. Even though we were both wearing gloves I felt the jolt of his touch. It travelled through my body like a hot wire firing up my core so it was thrumming like a tuning fork.
‘Erm, thanks for helping me find Freddy,’ I said. ‘I don’t know what I would’ve done if we hadn’t found him. He might’ve frozen to death.’
He looked at me for a long moment. ‘It’s a big responsibility, minding someone’s pet for them. Did you offer or did your neighbour pressure you?’
How had he guessed that? I wondered. I shifted my weight from foot to foot, suddenly uncomfortable he was sensing more about me than I cared to have on show. ‘I was just trying to help.’