Finding Stevie: Part 2 of 3. Cathy Glass

didn’t he feel he could come home? I was upset and bitterly disappointed, as I knew my children would be. It was one of the worst endings imaginable for a foster family.

      With my thoughts in turmoil, I wondered if I should telephone Peggy but decided against it. It was 2.30 a.m. She’d been told Stevie was safe and would have probably gone back to sleep now. I needed to try to get some sleep too so that I was in a better frame of mind to deal with whatever tomorrow brought. I’d phone Peggy in the morning. However, fifteen minutes later, when I was still wide awake, torturing myself with what more I could have done to help Stevie, the landline rang. It was Peggy. ‘Well, at least he’s been found safe,’ she said. ‘Strange that he doesn’t want to return to you, though. That makes two of us.’ I heard the self-exoneration in her voice, because I had failed as she had done.

      ‘Yes,’ I said wearily.

      ‘What about all his belongings at your place? How will he get them?’ she asked.

      ‘His social worker will make arrangements to collect them. Don’t worry, he’ll get them.’

      ‘You’ll take them?’ she asked. I really didn’t need this conversation now.

      ‘I don’t know yet,’ I said.

      ‘Fred said that the social worker will have to get it sorted.’

      ‘Yes, she will.’ Peggy seemed to see me as a kindred spirit, a confidante, and I think she would have talked all night. ‘Peggy, I’ll phone you tomorrow when I know more, OK?’ I wound up the conversation and replaced the handset.

      I lay on my back, staring at the bedroom ceiling. The shade of my bedside lamp was casting a round shadow on the ceiling, infilled with irregular patterns that seemed to resemble a map of the world. A big lonely world if you didn’t have anyone, I thought. Why was Stevie cutting himself off from the only homes he knew – mine and his grandparents’? What had been going through his mind as he’d sat alone in that cold and draughty waiting room at the bus terminus, and then in the back of the police car, telling them he didn’t want to return to me or his grandparents? I thought I’d understood Stevie and what he needed, but apparently I’d got it just as wrong as his grandparents, only in a different way. It’s at times like this that foster carers doubt themselves and wonder if it’s time to quit.

      Gazing up at the ceiling, my eyes gradually grew heavy and finally closed. I was woken again by my mobile ringing. The lamp was still on and my clock showed 3.21 a.m.

      ‘Yes?’ I asked groggily, answering.

      ‘Cathy Glass?’

      ‘Speaking.’

      ‘It’s the duty social worker. We spoke earlier.’

      ‘Yes.’

      ‘The police have been in touch, but we’ve nowhere suitable to place Stevie, so he’s agreed to come back to you for tonight rather than be placed out of the area. He’s at — police station. Can you collect him from there?’

      ‘Now?’ I asked, struggling upright in the bed and trying to clear my thoughts.

      ‘Yes, as soon as possible.’

      ‘I’ll have to get dressed first.’

      I’ll tell them you’re on your way. How long do you think you’ll be?’

      ‘Half an hour.’

      ‘I’ll let them know, and please don’t tell Stevie off. Wait until his social worker sees him to discuss his absence.’

      ‘Of course, I’m an experienced foster carer,’ I retorted. I was tired, stressed and now expected to get out of bed on a cold night to collect a teenager who thought staying with me for a night was the lesser of two evils. I didn’t need the duty social worker telling me how to behave. ‘I’ll be there as soon as I can,’ I confirmed.

      He didn’t even say thank you.

      But once out of bed and on the move, my ill-humour evaporated, the adrenaline kicked in and I became more positive. That Stevie had agreed to come back to me even for one night gave me some hope. Tomorrow we would talk and try to get to the bottom of what had been worrying him so much to make him run away, and what I could do to help.

      I threw on my clothes, splashed cold water on my face, and was about to leave a note for Adrian, Lucy and Paula to say where I was in case they woke to find me gone when Adrian’s bedroom door opened. ‘I heard you on the phone,’ he said, coming round the landing. ‘Have they found Stevie?’

      ‘Yes, I’ve got to collect him from the police station.’

      ‘I’ll come with you.’

      ‘No, you have work tomorrow.’

      ‘I’m coming, Mum. I won’t sleep,’ he said firmly. ‘I’ll get dressed and de-ice the car.’

      ‘Thanks, love. I’ll leave a note for Lucy and Paula.’

      I took a sheet of writing paper from a drawer downstairs and wrote in black marker pen: Adrian and Mum have gone to collect Stevie xx. I propped it on the landing where the girls would see it if they came out of their rooms. They were sure to text or phone if they did.

      Adrian appeared from his room, having thrown on jeans and a jumper, and was smoothing his hair flat. Downstairs we put on our coats and braced ourselves for the cold night air. We made as little noise as possible as we scraped the frost from the windows of the car, trying not to disturb the neighbours. Once the windscreen was clear, I started the engine and drove quietly from the house. The police station where Stevie had been taken was about a ten-minute drive away. The roads were virtually empty and as I drove I told Adrian where Stevie had been found and that to begin with he hadn’t wanted to return to us, but the only other option had been to go to a carer out of the county.

      ‘So what have we done wrong?’ Adrian asked in a deadpan voice.

      ‘No idea, love. But I’m sure it will come out in time.’ When a placement ends abruptly like this was going to, there is usually a placement disruption meeting to try to see if any lessons can be learnt. Sometimes carers feel it’s a witch-hunt, with the carer being targeted.

      ‘Perhaps it’s not us,’ Adrian said presently. ‘Perhaps Stevie’s got a guilty conscience, like he had before with those photographs.’ Stevie had told Adrian, Paula and Lucy what had happened with Joey.

      ‘It crossed my mind,’ I said, ‘but I would have hoped he could have told me as he did before.’

      ‘Unless it’s something much worse.’

      I shivered, but not from the cold. ‘Like what?’ I asked, glancing at him. ‘Stevie never goes out apart from going to school and seeing his grandparents. And I’m sure he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice online.’

      Adrian shrugged. ‘Unless it was something he did before he came to us and he’s only just been found out.’

      How true those words would turn out to be.