desire for a family of her own had never vanished, though. In the last moments before sleep claimed Maggie, she could feel the intensity of that longing that morphed from a pram full of beloved toys to the feeling of holding a real, live baby in her arms, as she’d done today.
* * *
There was something a bit weird happening.
Joe couldn’t put his finger on it but, as the day wore on, he wondered if it was because Maggie seemed even bouncier than normal. More enthusiastic. More...smiley...
Several times, he caught her opening her mouth as if she was about to say something and then snapping it shut and throwing herself into whatever task she was doing on their downtime, like reading a journal article or washing up some dishes. It wasn’t until they were in the locker room, when their shift had finished, that Joe finally gave up. The way Maggie was looking at him felt like the heat of a laser in the middle of his back as he pulled what he needed from his locker.
He turned his head. ‘You’ve been staring at me all day. What’s going on?’
‘Sorry...’ Maggie smiled brightly at him. ‘There’s something I wanted to ask you, that’s all. I was...um...waiting for the best moment.’
‘Now’s good.’ Joe smiled back. If Maggie wanted a favour, then he was her man. Always. ‘Shoot.’
‘Um...’ She was fishing in her locker, putting things into a shoulder bag. Her voice sounded as if she was trying hard to keep it casual. ‘It’s about what you said. Yesterday. When I was talking about wanting a baby?’
‘What did I say?’ Joe tried to think back. ‘Oh...you mean about sperm banks?’
‘No...’ Maggie’s hands stilled. ‘About asking a friend.’
‘Oh...’ He liked that she’d liked his idea. It was always great to find a solution to a mate’s problem. ‘Glad I could help.’ He unhooked his jacket from the back of his locker. ‘So who’s the lucky guy, then?’ He raised an eyebrow in Maggie’s direction when she didn’t answer. ‘Your potential baby daddy? Is it Jack?’
‘Jack’s my flatmate. How awkward would that be?’
‘Don?’
‘Shh...’ Maggie threw a glance over her shoulder, checking that they were still alone in the locker room. Her cheeks had reddened even at the idea of their boss being involved.
‘Who, then?’
He could see the way Maggie swallowed hard, as if what she was about to say was terribly important. He could see how wide her eyes were as well. Shining with something that looked very like hope. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled as they rose.
‘You, Joe,’ she whispered. ‘You’re the person I’d choose out of everybody I’ve ever known.’
He should have seen it coming, perhaps, but he hadn’t and it hit him like a steam train. The blast of remembering what it was like to be a child that hadn’t been wanted. The absolute determination to never, ever be on the other side of that coin—the father who hadn’t wanted that child.
Joe could feel the colour draining out of his face. He could see the reflection of his own horror in Maggie’s eyes. She knew she’d made a terrible mistake but she had no idea how to go about fixing it. He could solve this problem. Just make a joke and brush it off.
Except he couldn’t. The words had been said and couldn’t be unsaid and they had touched such a very deep chord within him. The idea of him casually—deliberately—fathering a child was hanging in the air between them. Totally abhorrent. Totally unacceptable. Joe couldn’t begin to find any words to let Maggie know just how shocked he was but maybe he didn’t need to. She was looking rather pale herself.
Embarrassed. Mortified, even.
For once, Joe had no inclination to make her feel any better. He shook his head, slammed his locker door shut and was walking out as if it was simply an ordinary end to their run of days working together.
‘See ya,’ he muttered, without meeting her gaze. ‘Enjoy your days off.’
‘WOW...CHECK YOU OUT, Maggie. You’re wearing a dress...’
‘Hi, Jack... Yeah, I know... I’m just trying to decide if I want to keep it.’
Maggie had spent half her afternoon off today shopping for something suitable to wear to a wedding but it felt very odd having all this loose fabric brushing against her lower legs. Just how long had it been since she’d tapped into her feminine side and worn a dress instead of her uniform or jeans or the leather pants she wore for protection when she rode her beloved Harley-Davidson sportster motorbike with its sky-blue fuel tank and mudguards?
She turned back to where their other flatmate, Laura, was sitting on the couch, Harrison snuggled up beside her. They were both staring at her thoughtfully so she did a bit of a twirl, one way and then the other. That was enough to make her wonder how long it had been since she’d been anywhere near a dance floor. At least a year, she decided. About when her last relationship had faded into oblivion after a few months had made it obvious it should never have got going in the first place. That ‘love at first sight’ wasn’t to be trusted. Maggie stifled a sigh.
‘So...what do you think?’
‘It’s perfect,’ Laura pronounced. ‘That blue is exactly the same colour as your eyes and I love the little daisy print. Very summery.’ She ruffled her son’s hair. ‘What do you think, Harry? Doesn’t Maggie look pretty? Isn’t it fun that we’re all going to get dressed up for the wedding tomorrow?’
Harry wrinkled his nose. ‘I don’t want to get dressed up.’
‘You don’t have to get really dressed up. It’s not a fancy wedding where you might have to wear a suit, but you have got an important job to do. You get to carry the rings.’
‘I’d get dressed up,’ Jack told him, ‘if I could go. I’d wear my very best jeans and a shirt.’
‘A T-shirt?’
‘No, a real shirt. With buttons. Maybe even a tie.’
‘Why can’t you go?’
‘I wish I could but I have to work, buddy. Someone has to be ready to go up in a helicopter or off on a bike and look after the people who get sick or injured.’
And Jack probably hadn’t even tried to juggle his roster to take time off. He’d only recently succeeded in winning one of the hotly contested paramedic jobs on the rescue base and his excitement was still palpable.
‘Who were you crewed with today?’ Laura asked. ‘I didn’t see anyone from Aratika come into Emergency during my shift.’
‘It was a really quiet day. Joe and I got a bit bored, to be honest. And we ate far too many of Shirley’s cookies. I’m meeting him at the gym as soon as I’ve collected my gear to try and burn some that sugar load off.’
‘How come Joe was working?’ Maggie asked. ‘He’s on the same roster as me.’
‘He was covering for Adam, who called in sick. Food poisoning or some kind of gastro bug. I hope he’s back on deck tomorrow. Joe said he could come in again but he wouldn’t want to miss the wedding.’
‘No...’ But Maggie could hear the doubtful note in her own voice.
Maybe Joe had a reason that meant he wouldn’t be too upset to miss the wedding. Or rather, to miss having to spend any time with Maggie.
She hadn’t seen him since the last shift they had worked together. Since that awful moment when she’d made the cringeworthy mistake of telling him that she wanted