glanced down at his hands as if he was trying to relive the birth. The fatigue left his face. “It’s an unexplainable moment. It’s a moment when something you believe can’t possibly happen, does. It’s a moment when life is precious and men understand why they live and fight and die for what they hold dear.”
“It’s a moment,” she murmured, “when heaven meets earth.”
He studied her and she realized she’d said too much. She should tell him she knew firsthand all about that moment. Yet because of the lawsuit, he might not want her practicing with him. If she told him her history, this closeness she was feeling to him right now could simply vanish.
“You sound as if you know.”
“I’ve attended births.” She didn’t add that she was the one who had caught the baby in her hands.
His shoulder brushed hers as he admitted, “In that moment when a child is born, I forget the long hours and the hassles and the schedule shuffling. I guess most of life is that way. We work for the payoff, and if the payoff keeps us satisfied, we keep doing it.”
“It’s more than a payoff.” She remembered the feel of that little wet body in her hands…the eyes coming open…the first cry. How she missed it. How she wished she had the courage to go back and be part of delivering babies all over again.
Jared angled toward her. They were close enough to feel each other’s breath. “You really do understand.”
“I take care of moms and teach them how to take care of themselves for a reason.”
His large hand was so gentle as he stroked her cheek and pushed her curls away from her face. “I’ve never met anyone like you, Emily. Not everyone can understand the joy of holding a baby. You make what you do and what I do sound like more than a profession. You make it sound special and worthwhile.”
“It is.” She wanted to say more…she wanted to tell him that’s why she’d gone into women’s homes to help them have their babies there. She yearned to say that she’d believed in home births because light and love and friendship could surround the newborn before, during and after the moment of birth. Yet she’d come to doubt that ideal. She’d come to doubt her judgment and skill. With those doubts lurking, she could never do it again. She’d be more prone to making a mistake. Mistakes were unacceptable when you were bringing a child into the world.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
She tried to blank her mind because he’d read it too well. “Nothing.”
“You looked lost for a moment.”
Not lost, she wanted to say. Not when I’m with you. But she couldn’t. It was too soon. The feelings were taboo. He was her boss.
Still, any thoughts of boss and employee, of too soon or not soon enough, evaporated as he leaned still closer. “Emily, I don’t know what it is about you.”
His lips were just a breath from brushing hers. “I don’t know what it is about you,” she whispered back.
His arm went around her, strong and protective. She nestled into it as if she belonged there…as if she belonged with him. When he tightened his embrace, his eyes were serious. But his mouth was curved in a small smile as if he were anticipating everything they were about to do.
She felt that same breath-hitching expectancy. The wait for his kiss was life-changing. In that moment, she put her divorce behind her. She took the present in her hands and hoped for a future that could include Jared. Her thoughts surprised her, almost as much as the touch of his lips on hers.
So many sensations bombarded her at once. The pressure of his lips was firm. The texture of his skin was taut and warm. The hunger behind his first touch was restrained, yet pulsing to be let loose. She readied herself for it. Then she realized, she couldn’t be ready for it.
As his mouth opened over hers, as he demanded a response, as she got lost, she couldn’t think about what she was doing. All she could do was give back whatever he asked. When his tongue stroked hers, she eagerly met each exploration. When he angled his head a little differently, her hands rose to his shoulders and then brushed into his hair. She held on to him so he could take her wherever he wanted to go.
He couldn’t seem to get enough. She could feel her skin getting hotter, her cheeks flushing to match his level of arousal. They were both revved up and ready for more. But when his hands moved to her waist and inched her blouse out of her waistband, reality became a pressing concern. As soon as his hand touched the skin of her midriff, she wanted nothing more than to let him finish what they’d started. Yet she knew she couldn’t. This was her boss. She needed her job, secret or no secret, and she’d just put it in jeopardy. How could she get out of this situation without looking like a foolish teenager who didn’t know what she was doing?
But just as Jared had seemed to read her before, his hand slid away from her, his tongue ceased exploring and his mouth—although his lips clung a little—broke off their kiss. She heard his rough sigh.
Then she opened her eyes to gaze into his.
He turned from her slightly, rubbed his hand over his chin, shifted away, then focused on her. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
It seemed as if the words were hard for him to say, as if he didn’t want to say them but knew he had to.
“I shouldn’t have let you.”
“It will not happen again,” he said as if reassuring himself of that. “This isn’t an excuse, but I’ve never met anyone who understood that moment of birth like you do.” He rubbed his hands on his thighs. “This won’t affect our working relationship. I mean, you don’t have to worry about your job.”
That was a relief but didn’t address the attraction still simmering between them. “We can’t pretend it didn’t happen.”
“No, we can’t. I’ll remember it every time I look at you. But I can control my actions.” He glanced toward the kitchen and the message machine. “Did you get any phone calls tonight from Chloie Madison?”
“No, I didn’t.”
He looked troubled.
“That’s your cousin?”
“Yes. I need her tomorrow.”
Should she offer to help or not? Should she step in deeper or move away?
Yet, thinking about how she’d loved taking care of Amy and Courtney, she offered, “I can help.” But perhaps her help wouldn’t be wanted after what had just happened. “My day off is tomorrow,” she reminded him. “I can look after the girls if you need me.”
She saw in his eyes that he needed her in a much more basic and intimate way. But then the spark of desire diminished and control took its place.
She added, “I usually just run errands on my day off. But after what just happened, I’ll understand if the situation is too awkward.”
He seemed to think about the pros and cons. “The truth is—I’m surprised you’re still here.”
Emily certainly couldn’t say she didn’t run from problems. That’s exactly what she’d done with the whole mess in Corpus Christi and her divorce. But she liked to think she was mature enough to face a problem without turning away from it. “What happened between you and me doesn’t have to affect me watching your girls. You have surgeries in the morning and won’t even be here.”
“I’m interviewing a nanny in the afternoon, but that’s at my office. Are you sure you’ll feel comfortable with this?”
Jared Madison demanded honesty. She’d learned that over the months she’d worked with him. “I like Courtney and Amy. I’ll be comfortable here.”
He nodded and pushed himself up from the sofa away from her. “All right. I’ll take you up on your offer. But I’ve got