than living?
But she knew the answer.
It seemed as though everything in her life boiled back down to Brian. She’d buried herself in her ambition when he’d divorced her. As if by immersing herself in work she could forget about the loneliness haunting her. It hadn’t worked.
It felt good to be out in a yard again, she thought. Good to not be watching a clock or worrying about a lunch meeting. It was good just to be, even if the South Carolina humidity was thick enough to slice with a knife.
A thunderous, window rattling roar rose up out of nowhere suddenly and Tina tipped her head back in time to see an F-18 streak across the sky, leaving a long white trail behind it. Her heart swelled as it always did when she spotted a military jet. Every time, she imagined that Brian was the pilot. She’d always been proud of him and the job he did. There’d been fear, too, of course, but when you married a Marine, that was just part of the package.
She lifted one hand to shield her eyes as she followed the jet’s progress across the sky.
“Pretty sight,” a voice from behind her said, loud enough to be heard over the music still pouring from the house into the hot, summer air.
Tina sucked in a breath and slowly turned around to look up at him. She hadn’t heard him drive up. Hadn’t expected him to come back home in the middle of the day. In fact, she’d figured him for spending as much time away from the house as possible.
Yet, here he was.
Taller than most pilots, Brian used to complain about the cockpit of an F-18 being a tight fit. But she’d always liked the fact that he was so much taller than her. Unless she was on the ground having to tip her head all the way back just to meet his eyes. She stood up, brushing grass off her knees and then peeling the worn, stained, gardening gloves from her hands.
The sun shone directly into her eyes, silhouetting Brian, throwing his face into shadow. But she felt him watching her and knew that his gaze was locked on her. “What’d you say?” she finally asked, then remembered and said, “Oh. The jet. Yes, it is pretty.”
“Didn’t mean the jet, but, yeah,” he said, “it looked good, too.”
Tina felt a rush of warmth spin through her and told herself that a compliment from Brian meant nothing. Only that he was alive and breathing. He’d always been smooth. Always known just what to say. Known how to talk her down from a mad and how to talk her out of her panties.
Instantly, memories dazzled her body and the resulting warmth turned to heat and Tina had to fight to keep her knees from wobbling.
“Brian—”
“Tina—”
They started talking together, then each of them stopped and laughed shortly, uncomfortably. A twist of regret tightened in her chest as she acknowledged that discomfort. How had they come to this? she wondered. How had the passion, the love they’d once felt for each other dissolved into this awkward courtesy between strangers?
“You go first,” he said tightly.
Shaking her head, she said, “No, it’s okay. You go ahead.”
Nodding, he jammed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, rocked on his heels and shifted his gaze to one side briefly before slamming back into hers. “Tina, this isn’t easy for me, but…”
While he talked, Tina watched him. And as she watched, her brain, dazzled at first by his unexpected arrival, began to kick in. She noticed the way he held his head. The shrug of his shoulders. The way he stood and the way one corner of his mouth tilted up when he spoke. But it wasn’t just how he looked that was different. It was how he felt. Or rather, how he wasn’t making her feel. There was no buzz of electricity jumping up and down her spine. There was no hum of energy bristling between them. And no matter what else had passed between them, they’d always shared a combustible chemistry.
Whenever she was near Brian, the very air changed, and she felt that tingle right down to her toes.
Except, at the moment, she felt absolutely nothing.
As her brain calculated all of this information and more, Tina’s temper flared.
“…I know I don’t have the right to ask you to do anything,” he was saying.
She should call him on it now. He deserved it. Had to be Connor, she told herself. Aidan wouldn’t have tried it. In seconds, dozens of thoughts raced through her mind as she tried to decide how to handle the last of the Reilly triplets. When the solution finally dawned on her, she smiled.
So did he. “See? I knew you’d be reasonable. No sense in you staying here when it would just make it awkward for both of us.”
“Awkward?” she said on a deep, throaty purr. “Brian, honey, we know each other way too well to be awkward together.”
“Huh?” He looked confused.
Good. Tina chuckled gleefully inside, but on the outside, she gave him a sultry smile and stepped close enough to walk her fingers up his chest and then stroke his cheek. “I missed you, Brian,” she breathed and took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “I’m…lonely.”
She let that one word hover in the air between them and watched with some small sense of satisfaction as panic lit up Connor’s eyes just before he backed up a step. “Now, Tina, I don’t think you really mean that and—”
“Brian, baby,” she cooed, closing in on him with unerring instinct, “haven’t you missed me, too?”
“Uh, sure.” He looked around wildly for help that wasn’t coming.
Tina moved in even closer and reaching up, wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him, pressing her breasts to his chest. He pulled his hands free of his pockets and tried to hold her away from him. But she’d felt the frantic beat of his heart and knew she’d gotten payback. “So, kiss me, Connor.”
“Kiss you—” he broke off and looked down into her eyes. “Connor?”
“You idiot.” She released him and took a step back while having the pleasure of watching him mentally trying to backtrack.
“Look, Tina…”
“Did you really think you could fool me?” she demanded hotly, all kidding aside.
“Whoa,” he said, swallowing hard and shaking his head. “Tina, I don’t know what you’re talking about—”
The temper she’d felt building a moment before leaped into pure rage, and she wouldn’t have been surprised to feel steam coming out of her ears. “Sure you do. But it looks like both you and Brian have forgotten a few things. See, I can tell you guys apart. Always could. Remember?”
He scraped one hand across his jaw, then shoved both hands into his pockets again. “Okay, it was a bad idea.”
“Bad idea?” She stared up at him in openmouthed fascination. “I don’t believe you guys. What? Are we in junior high? What were you supposed to do, Connor? Talk me into leaving so Brian wouldn’t have to face me again?”
A short bark of laughter shot from his throat as he pulled his hands free of his pockets and held them up in surrender. “Come on, Tina. It was just—”
“What?” she demanded, moving in on him, keeping pace as he backed up toward his—Brian’s—car parked in the driveway. “A joke?”
“No!” He scraped one hand across his jaw and stumbled over the hose that had been stretched out across the lawn. He recovered quickly, did a fast two-step and kept moving toward the safety of the car. “Brian just thought—I mean I just thought—”
Muffin and Peaches sent up a din of barks and frantic yelps that had Connor throwing an uneasy glance at the screen door.
“This