He’d spent years making me believe he was on the same page relationship-wise as I was. In the end, he’d turned out to be just as big of a liar as Hank. The difference was Hank had never been my best friend. And with Hank it had never been anything more than fucking.
With Jack, no matter how rough or wild or kinky it got, it was lovemaking. I tried to deny that truth, but I couldn’t do it any longer. At least, not to myself.
Before we could become victims of our emotions and say words one or both of us would regret, I pulled free of the kiss and went down on my knees. I made quick work of freeing his shaft. Then I took his cock between my lips and savored his salty male hardness with my tongue, in a way he hadn’t allowed me to do last night.
His fingers had eased from my hair as I moved. With the stroke of my mouth around the velvety flesh of his rigid staff, they returned, holding on so firmly to my unruly brown curls, it was as if the caress of my mouth was his life source.
Using my hands on his balls, cupping and massaging their heavy weight, I licked the underside of his cock, trailing the swollen blue vein that ran the length of it.
Jack moaned and his fingers curled tighter in my hair. “Yes. I need this.”
His words were soulful, as if he felt he owed me an explanation for giving in to my silent offer. I knew why he would feel that way and it went beyond what had happened at the firehouse today. It was because I was a greedy bitch about my orgasms. I’d always thought that okay. Why shouldn’t I expect to come a couple times as advance payment for all my hard work getting a guy off?
Only it had never felt like work bringing Jack to climax. And, right now, I didn’t care about coming myself. I didn’t care about anything but making him feel good and, in doing so, chasing away the demons that haunted him.
I pulled my mouth free of his cock to look at his face. His eyes were as soulful as his voice, revealing—what before I could only guess at—his love for me so keenly it stilled the breath in my throat. My heart went from squeezing to a chaotic beat of desire for things that went well beyond the flesh and the pleasures to be found in it.
I pushed my storming emotions aside and gave him a reassuring smile. “I want to give you this, Jack. And I don’t expect anything in return.”
The gratitude in his eyes said more than words could. Before my own eyes gave me away, I returned to my goal of making him feel good.
Sucking the meaty pink head of his cock between my lips, I circled his length with my tongue while I continued to play with his balls, alternately gripping the sensitive sacs and teasing them with little taps. His shaft pulsed in my mouth. His groin pistoned against my face. The deliciously masculine scent of his arousal lifted on the air, filling my senses and making my inner thighs tingle with sensual ache.
I increased the pace of my mouth, loving him quickly, with firm, solid strokes. Stopping when I could feel his sex quivering beneath my tongue, telling me he was on the verge of climax.
Because I knew this had to be our last time together, I wanted to give him the orgasm of his life, push his control to the brink again and again before it finally wore thin. I did so with little licks of the pre-cum oozing from the tip of his cock. Teasing touches of the sensitized skin and the black hair that surrounded his proud member. By drawing his balls into my mouth one at a time and loving them with my tongue and the gentle scrape of my teeth.
Jack’s full-bodied groan and the shaking of his thighs told me when he’d reached the limits of his control. Eagerly, I returned my mouth to his succulent cock, slid my lips down his length and fucked him in earnest.
His hips joined the lightning-fast pace, his shaft thrusting between my lips with exquisite pressure that had the head of his cock tickling the back of my throat and my panties growing unbearably wet despite this moment not being about my pleasure.
He lost control on the fifth thrust. I nearly came as his cream filled my mouth with the hot, salty, delectable taste of Jack.
Gripping my hair with tightly clenched fists, he cried out my name, something I’d always thought of as cliché, but with Jack I loved hearing my name in his deep, rough voice.
I loved.
There were those forbidden words again.
I tried my damnedest to forget them as he slipped his cock from my mouth and sank to his knees on the carpet in front of me. He pulled me into his arms and buried his face in the crook of my neck.
I forgot about my fear of those nasty, niggling words to concentrate on Jack. His emotions had been all over the map today. I’d never seen him as angry as he’d been at firehouse and I’d never seen him act as needy as he was acting now. His cocky side appealed to my inner dirty girl, but this needy side spoke to an even bigger part. He was giving me a trust I hadn’t realized he’d previously held back. My face burned with the want to accept that trust, along with everything else he had to offer.
“I love you, Carinna.”
Everything but that.
My stomach pitched. “Jesus, Jack.” I’d guessed how he felt. Still, hearing it aloud made it feel like he’d poured a gallon of liquid smoke down my throat.
I pulled from his arms as gently as possible, which wasn’t all that gentle, given I wanted to hail a cab to some little Podunk town he wasn’t liable to ever find me in.
I came to my feet and, clinging to survival instincts, jutted my hip out. “You don’t love me. You’re just strung out on emotions. What happened tonight? I thought you weren’t working this week.”
Jack stood. He focused on righting his clothes; still, I could hear the catch in his breath. He looked at me, eyes that were soulful a moment ago now filled with unshed tears. “I wasn’t supposed to be, but an emergency backup call came in.” His tone softened. “There was a chemical explosion. Tony fell through a four-story roof. The crew couldn’t get to him. He’s dead.”
I blinked with the force of the words. My heart gave a painful squeeze. Not over the loss of Tony—although I felt terrible about that—but the idea it could have been Jack who’d been killed.
I couldn’t risk giving in to the bitter ache the thought triggered, or pulling Jack into my arms to comfort him. If I did, the odds were slim I’d be able to release him without confessing my belly-cramping concern that I just might have fallen for him, too. “I’m so sorry. That’s awful, horrid. I know he was a good friend of yours.”
“I’m through with fighting fires, Carinna.”
Thank God. But no, not thank God. It was selfishness that made me think that way, fear of losing him forever. “That’s crazy talk, Jack. Firefighting has been in your family for five generations. You love it. It’s your emotions making you think otherwise.”
The sheen of tears left his eyes. “Damn it, it isn’t my emotions!” he barked out, then gentled his voice. “I’ve wanted to quit for a long time. It’s a good job, an honorable one, but it’s not where my future’s at. You know how long I’ve wanted to open a restoration garage. All I needed was the money to make it happen. I’m one day away from having that money.”
“How?”
A small smile curved his lips. “Poker. I’m in a tournament at the Rio with some of the best in the industry. Tomorrow’s the last day and there’s a good chance I’ll win.”
I should have been happy to know he wouldn’t be risking his life anymore, yet still doing a job he loved. And truthfully I was, but I was also jealous as hell to think he would be living his dream while I’d probably spend the rest of my life having my ass grabbed at the Taboo Tequila Bar while I saved for mine.
I forced a smile. “That’s killer, Jack. You’re going to realize your dream.”
The subtle twitching of his lips told me he hadn’t bought my bogus