She screwed up her face. ‘We’re celebrating a successful trip?’
‘That’s one thing we could drink to, I agree. It has been a very successful trip.’ He peeled away the foil and let it flutter to the table. ‘Which is why I think we should get married.’
Erin stared at him.
‘Did you say married—just out of the blue like that?’
‘Why not?’ There was a hissing little pop as he eased the cork from the bottle. ‘What do you say?’
What did she say? Erin swallowed. She didn’t have a clue how to respond. She felt perplexed—and bewildered. This had come out of nowhere with no warning whatsoever. And now he was pouring champagne, which was fizzing up the sides of a flute so delicate she was terrified her shaking hand might snap off its fragile stem. She shook her head as he held the flute out towards her.
‘Not right now, thanks. This has come as a bit of a shock,’ she said, aware of the glaring understatement in her words. She tried to rid her voice of any hope or expectation. ‘I mean, why? Why do you want to marry me, Dimitri?’
‘You don’t know?’
‘If I knew, I wouldn’t have to ask.’
He smiled. ‘Because of Leo, of course.’
Of course.
Erin nodded. The logical part of her brain had known that all along but that didn’t protect her from the sudden stupid lurch of disappointment which chilled her skin. And she didn’t want to be disappointed. She wanted to be cool and calm and impartial. Just like him. She wanted to treat a proposal of marriage with the same kind of careless interest as it had been offered. ‘And how would that work?’ she said.
‘Isn’t it obvious?’
‘Not to me, no. I’m not in the habit of getting random proposals of marriage from men who only a short time ago were barely able to look at me without being furious. You’ll have to talk me through it.’
He turned the swell of music down by a fraction and one of the logs in the fireplace spat out a shoal of bright sparks. ‘You must realise that I’ve grown very fond of Leo.’
She nodded. ‘That’s good.’
‘And I consider you an excellent mother. I told you that.’
‘Again, that’s very good. But neither of these facts are reasons enough for us to get married, Dimitri.’
‘No, they aren’t. But there are other considerations, too. Financially you cannot deny that you struggle, while, fortunately, I do not. And my wealth could help make both your lives considerably more comfortable.’
She tried to smile. ‘You realise you don’t have to put a gold band on my finger in order to pay maintenance?’
The second movement of the concerto came to a finish and the fire spat again—a hissing and angry sound this time.
‘Damn you, Erin Turner.’ Dimitri’s words fell softly and fervently into the short silence which followed. ‘Do you really want me to spell this out for you?’
She met his eyes. ‘I’m afraid you’re going to have to.’
‘It’s more than just about the money. I want to be there for him,’ he said, his voice growing deep, and passionate. ‘To be there for the ordinary things—not just the high days and holidays. I want grumpy mornings as well as Christmas morning. I want to be hands-on—not absent for most of the time. To give him what I never had.’
Erin stared at him as a bubble of hope began to rise inside her—even though she was doing everything in her power not to get ahead of herself. In case it was futile. In case it hurt her in a way she’d vowed she would never let herself get hurt. ‘And you would marry me in order to achieve that?’
‘Yes,’ he said emphatically. ‘I would. Because I’ve come to realise that you are the perfect woman for me.’
Erin blinked because now hope was refusing to listen to her reservations. It was hurtling through her body like a runaway train and flattening everything in its track. ‘I am?’
His icy eyes glittered. ‘Indeed you are. I like the way that you don’t try to manipulate me or covet my money, or possessions.’ He paused. ‘And, of course, you drive me wild in bed. Wilder than I ever thought possible, zvezda moya.’
‘And that’s enough?’
‘No, it is not. But you have another attribute which is rare. So rare that I have never found it before. The silver bullet, if you like—which is that you don’t love me. You don’t believe in love. Well, neither do I.’ He smiled. ‘Now, isn’t that just a match made in heaven?’
Her knees went weak and Erin only just managed to stop herself from crumpling as she listened to his cruel parody of a marriage proposal. Everything a man was traditionally supposed to say at a time like this, he had twisted round. He had made dark what was supposed to be light. He had projected a future which would make their proposed union into nothing but a mockery. A pastiche of a marriage, which would be little better than the one which had ruined his own life.
‘And you think that’s the kind of example I want to set my son?’ she questioned, her voice trembling with a hurt she could no longer hide. ‘That I want him growing up with two people who are proud of never experiencing an emotion which has driven the human race since the beginning of time?’
‘I didn’t say I was proud of it.’
‘I don’t care what you said,’ she hissed, aware that her sense of logic was haemorrhaging by the second.
‘And I don’t understand either your outrage or your objections,’ he snapped. ‘You were happy enough to marry Chico for financial security, weren’t you? When we both know he wasn’t offering you half the benefits you could get from me.’
‘You’re disgusting,’ she snapped as she heard the unmistakable sexual allusion which had roughened his voice. Did he really think that could sway her? That his skill between the sheets would make her forget all her principles? She shook her head. ‘I don’t need a heartless man to bankroll the life I want for Leo and me. I can achieve what I need all by myself, Dimitri, and what’s more—I’m going to. There’s nothing to stop us moving out of London and going to live in a cheaper part of England. There’s a whole lot of beautiful countryside just waiting out there.’
‘But think how much easier it would be with me behind you.’
‘But that’s where you’re completely wrong.’ She shook her head as she stared at him, aware of the crackling fire and the heavy beat of her heart. ‘Because I’ve suddenly discovered a fundamental flaw in my own argument.’
‘I don’t understand,’ he said coldly.
Maybe because she was only just beginning to understand herself. She sucked in a deep breath, realising that she was laying everything on the line here. But why run from the truth any more? Surely it was better to feel something rather than nothing. To live rather than to exist. Because Dimitri had been right about one thing and that was that you couldn’t protect yourself against being hurt. That being hurt was part of life itself.
‘I thought I didn’t believe in love,’ she said slowly. ‘But the irony is that somewhere along the way I’ve fallen in love with you, Dimitri. I didn’t want to. I still don’t want to—because you’re the last man in the world any sane woman would choose to be in love with. You’re cold and you’re heartless and you don’t give out your trust very easily. But don’t they say that the heart takes no prisoners? I started loving you a long time ago, and, no matter how hard I’ve tried to get you out of my system, it seems that none of my methods have worked.’ She gave a wry smile. ‘Oh, don’t worry—I’m not asking you to reciprocate, because I realise you can’t. But obviously I can’t marry you under these circumstances.