I am still not a Loser. Jim Smith

think they should make a Future Ratboy film,’ he said, and I felt all the little hairs everywhere on my entire body stand up on end.

      I think my little hairs are even bigger fans of Future >Ratboy than I am, because whenever anyone else mentions him they get instantly jealous.

      ‘Yeeaa-aaah!’ said everybody, because it was actually a really good idea. A Future Ratboy film would be keel times a million.

      ‘What’s all this Future Ratboy business?’ asked Mr Hodgepodge, looking up from the photo. I was going to stand up and explain, seeing as I’m Future Ratboy’s number-one fan, but I was still a bit dizzy from my eye roll so I just sat there like a loser.

      ‘Future Ratboy is the keelest TV show in the whole wide world ever!’ said Bunky, copying what I was going to say.

      He looked at Gordon and did a little snortle, but only because he wanted a go on Gordon’s phone.

      ‘Well, I can see that Bunky and Gordon are quite the experts on Future Ratman!’ said Mr Hodgepodge, and I could feel all my clothes being pushed away from my skin by my jealous little hairs.

      Feeko’s

      Super­

      market

      The next day was Saturday, except I call it ‘Sat’, because I’ve started shortening my words to save time for keeler stuff.

      Sat is my favourite day because all me and Bunky do for the whole of it is play it completely and utterly keel. Like last Sat, when we went to the ginormous new Feeko’s Supermarket in town.

      ‘Let’s go to Feeko’s again!’ I said when I came downstairs for breakfast and found Bunky in the living room watching TV as usual.

      My dad was watching TV too, but through the window from the garden, which is where he usually is for the whole of HIS Sat.

      ‘Do we have to do that again?’ said Bunky, doing his loser face.

      ‘Do you want me to send you home?’ I said, and he stopped doing his loser face and started doing his worried one, because I sent him home last week for not saying I was his brilliant and amazing leader, and only let him back once he’d apologised.

      Going to Feeko’s Supermarket has been my favourite thing to do since I saw the episode of Future Ratboy where he went into one and bought a hoverpizza.

      ‘Wow, look Bunky, they’ve got that new washing powder from the advert on TV!’ I said as we walked into Feeko’s, except I was running a bit, because I was so excited.

      ‘Ooh, washing powder, excuse me while I wee myself,’ said Bunky, trying to be sarcastic but just coming across as annoying.

      ‘Salute it NOW!’ I ordered, and Bunky did his loser face, then a tiny little salute. Saluting stuff is my new favourite thing to do, by the way.

      A mum walked past with her kids and I rolled my eyes to her like mums do to each other, because in a way Bunky is like my child who I have to teach what is keel and what isn’t.

      As we walked up to the Ready Meals section to see if they’d started selling hoverpizzas yet, I sensed something familiar and annoying to my right.