of my mind if you kept him from me.”
Anger ground through him. “Then you understand?”
She shook her head, and he remembered her young face in the faded headlines of newspapers she’d kept as reminders of her own strength. The same stubborn refusal to give in to her fear. The same determination not to let the experience break her.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” he asked. “None of this had to happen.”
“For the same reason I don’t believe in you now. Alcoholics want to change. Surviving depends on change, but you will always be an alcoholic.”
“I’m trying to want other things more.” But he couldn’t deny that vodka, cold as ice, would have eased him through this day.
She looked rattled, and he learned at once to admit nothing more about his own flaws.
“Give me time,” Lilah said. “A week to speak to my family and prepare Ben. My assistant will need information about the books and deliveries. I’ll need to give her instructions before I can leave her with the shop.”
“I can’t wait around here for a week.”
“I’m not asking you to, and I won’t take Ben away. There was always a chance you’d find us. I’m not trying to keep him from you. You’re the one who’s trying to take him from me.”
“You kept him all these years.”
“But I didn’t hide. That’s proof I won’t take Ben from you now.”
“We tell him now, before I go back to Tennessee. If you’re lying about coming, or if you run, I’ll find you, no matter where you go or how hard you try to hide.”
He sounded like his father. If you leave me, I’ll find you. No one will hide you well enough. No one can keep you away from me. That was what Odell Gage had said. So many times, Owen’s mother had believed.
So had he and his brothers and sister.
“I know I can’t keep you apart any longer,” Lilah said.
“Before I go back to Tennessee, we’ll tell him who I am,” Owen said again.
She seemed to think it over, as if she had the right. “What if you change your mind?”
Incredible.
“Look at me.” He didn’t try to hide anything. “I’m stunned to find I’m anyone’s father, and I want revenge for what you did, but most of all, I want to do the right thing for Ben.” He needed to rebuild his reputation, so he could make a decent living, but he didn’t want to lose any more time with his son. It had to be this way. “I won’t change my mind. I want to know my son.”
“O-kay,” she said, with doubtful emphasis on both syllables.
* * *
THE NEXT MORNING, Owen bought a booster seat for Ben. Afterward, he stopped at the first fire station on his way to Lilah’s. A uniformed man came out as Owen parked in the wide driveway.
“What’s up?” the man asked, his breath forming a wreath around his head.
“I bought this seat for my son.” Had he said that word out loud before? It made him proud. He’d like to say it again.
He popped the trunk open with his key fob and pulled out the huge box. “They told me at the store that you’d install it for me.”
“You’ve never installed your kid’s car seats?”
“My child is new to me,” Owen admitted. “I don’t mind explaining the situation to you, but do you need me to?”
The firefighter shook his head. “Sorry, man. You want to watch?”
“Yeah. This is a rental car. When we get home to Tennessee, I’ll have to do it myself.”
The fireman installed the seat, instructing Owen as he did. “You’re sure you got the right one?”
He’d called Lilah from the hotel the night before. After making arrangements to pick up Ben and take him out today, he’d gotten his son’s measurements. “I asked a salesperson at the baby store. She assured me this was right for my boy’s weight and height.”
“Then you should be good.” The other man stepped back and folded his arms. “If you can do it on your own.”
Owen had trouble the first time, but then installed the seat correctly twice.
At last they both stepped back, Owen with a sense of accomplishment. The words “I’m a dad,” repeated inside his head, but he kept silent as he dug a few bills out of his wallet. “In my town, the fire service sponsors a burn charity. I don’t know if you do that up here?”
“We have a brother in ICU at the hospital right now. We’ve started a fund for his family. If you’d rather give the money to a different charity, I will, but his wife and children could use this.”
Owen added another bill. “Thanks for your help.”
He walked back to his car, ducking the fireman’s gratitude. It was crazy the money his simple furniture brought him. Might as well put it to good use.
HE REACHED BEN and Lilah’s just as they were coming down the wooden steps of their small Cape Cod house. Lilah must have been waiting for him before she left for work. She stood on the narrow sidewalk, holding Ben’s hand. They were both dressed to fight off the snowy wind in parkas and scarves and gloves.
Owen grinned at his son, who resembled the figure in one of those commercials where the spokesman is a stack of tires that look like marshmallows.
“I hadn’t thought about climbing Mount Washington, but we could do that today,” Owen said.
“What is that?” Ben asked. “Mommy, can I go that far?”
“Not today, baby,” she said, grimacing over his head. “Owen made a lot of plans for you. He’s going to take you by your day-care center to pick up your art project.”
She’d agreed to let him meet Ben’s teachers. “I heard you painted a poster of you and your mom, but it was still too wet to bring home last week,” Owen said. “Ready to go, buddy?”
Now that the moment had come, the little guy looked up at his mother for reassurance, which made Owen resent Lilah more. But, if Lilah had been the one who couldn’t stop drinking, would he have wanted to risk letting their son spend time alone with her? No. He’d have to accept that Lilah hadn’t been entirely wrong.
She’d judged him and stolen the most precious gift from him, but he had to let it go. Every time he looked at her he got angry all over again, but deep inside, a voice accused him.
You aren’t fit.
He would change.
“Have fun.” Lilah leaned down and hugged Ben so long the boy began to struggle. “Mo-om.”
She straightened, but Ben had picked up on her reluctance, clearly unsure what was supposed to happen next or if he wanted to be part of it.
“We’ll have a great time.” Owen took Ben’s hand and led him to the rental car. “Have you eaten breakfast?”
“Mommy made me toast and milk, but she said you wanted to have breakfast with me.”
“Great. Do you have a favorite place?”
“The eggs-and-potato place.”
Their first roadblock. Owen turned back, calling her name. “Lilah?”
She was standing where they’d left her, staring as if she were afraid this was her last glimpse