connection and relationship.
Paying It Forward
This is a situation when you donate your time, money, smarts, and experience for the sole purpose of helping someone out. That's it! There is no other reason in mind. My desire to help job searchers is a good example.
Here's a better example. I was recently a speaker at a huge conference in the food and agriculture marketplace – and by huge, I mean over 14,000 people. I'm usually speaking at events in the financial services industry, so I was a bit out of my element. But the organization found me online and wanted me to share my ideas around networking. The next thing I knew I was in front of a large audience of farmers and vendors who support agribusiness.
Great audience! (In fact, that talk I gave led to work that I'm now doing with a private equity firm and a global bank but that's another networking story.) I was impressed with how many of the speakers at the event were much older than I am. In fact, most of them had retired from careers in agriculture and supply chain management and were at the event to teach and donate their time and smarts. Most of them paid their own way and didn't receive a fee for their work. I sat in on some of their programs and they were truly experts.
It must have felt very satisfying for these experts in their field to donate their time and contribute to the careers of the next generation. Paying it forward and expecting nothing in return gets you plenty in return. I see it happen from time to time, but not enough.
Solving a Very Specific Problem
Unfortunately, everyone has problems. Health issues, bad relationships, financial challenges, death of a loved one, and all the stress that comes with those problems.
I watched my mom suffer from the effects of a rare form of Parkinson's disease called corticobasal degeneration (CBD) while my dad cared for her. She passed away and he was devastated. He went from bitter and angry to more bitter and angrier. It's already been years and he will probably never snap out of his depression. He prefers to be by himself and over the years has managed to push all family members (including me) away from him. He's abusive, self‐centered, and negative. It's very sad.
I wish there was a way I could help him and have a better relationship with him. The reality is that he's so clinically depressed (referred to as complicated grief by the experts) that he's not rational and almost incapable of having a productive conversation. So some of my own networking falls into the category of “solving a specific problem” where my conversations are focused on trying to help my dad and helping me cope with not being able to.
This is very personal, but everyone has their personal stories. Short of making those you meet your therapists, if you're serious about getting help for your specific problem (outside of the realm of business, job search, social reasons, and learning), make sure you're going to the right place, saying the right thing, and meeting the right people.
The right people might be therapists, social workers, grief counselors, and other professionals trained to help you address those personal problems. Or a support group designed for you to share your story, experiences, and challenges.
Can you tell I live and breathe this networking stuff? Networking is absolutely one of those skills that can help you in almost all aspects of your life. In fact, if you're open to learning, helping, and asking for help when you need it, you can solve almost all of life's problems.
Why Understanding the Six Reasons for Networking Is Important
So what's the point of the six reasons? Well, they'll bring you several important benefits.
Being Clear in Your Communication
Being clear in your communication will be a common theme throughout this book. When you're at an event, you might be focused on generating more business, but that means that you would also be interested in learning about other events you can attend. That's two of the reasons listed above: growing your business and learning.
Say you're going to an event that's purely social, like a ballgame through a professional association. You think this is a great opportunity to make some new friends. But you would also be very interested in generating business through some of these relationships. Again, that's two reasons you're networking: social reasons and growing your business.
Just be clear on the primary reason you're there so you can be focused on the right types of conversations at the right time.
Realizing That Others Have an Agenda Too
It's easy to forget, but when you meet others at an event, they're going to have a reason for being there too. Be interested and focused on them. They may be growing their business, interested in landing a job, or have another purpose in mind. You'll only know if you ask them. Be interested, inquisitive, and engaged. Most people have a great story to tell, so give them the gift of listening to it.
Networking is a two‐way street! If you help those you meet get what they want, they may just help you right back.
Other Benefits
As mentioned, there are only six “reasons” why we typically invest our time, money, and energy to network. But there are many more benefits that come out of the experience.
Confidence. Once you become a savvy networker, you'll find you have much more confidence in what you say and how you're saying it. In fact, you will become somewhat fearless (or at least less fearful) about striking up a conversation at events, mixers, conferences, and even parties with people you don't know. Networking is a skill that most people lack. You won't! Practice, get busy, get good. By the way, this goes for extroverts who may have an easy time talking to people but lack the confidence to ask the right questions, say the right things, and establish rapport. Networking also benefits introverts, who tend to be shy, introspective, and hesitant to take the risk of introducing themselves and speaking with someone they don't know. In fact, I have watched this increase in confidence firsthand with clients, students, and family members and it's a life changer.
Learning How to Talk to People. I mentioned earlier that I teach a public speaking class at Rutgers University. I've been a professor there a long, long, time. What's interesting is that every year for the past fifteen years, the students stay the same age but I somehow keep getting older. Anyway, there was a time many years ago when I thought the communication skills and confidence levels of the students was good, not great. Now with technology and the obsessive use of cell phones, the communication skills and confidence levels of the students are poor at best. I tell them on the first day of class that they don't know how to talk to people. They think I'm joking, but I'm not. Most of the students I work with today have not been taught and encouraged to introduce themselves, ask questions, start a conversation, solve a problem, and develop rapport without the use of their smartphones. Not smart! A benefit to taking my class is that students get to develop those skills and they're not allowed to use their phones in class. Learning how to talk to people is also one of the great benefits of networking. Once you get better at it, teach your kids! It is one of the best skills you can pass on to them.
Public Speaking Skills. Networking is a form of public speaking. You may not be on stage presenting to an audience and using a slide deck, but you are still expressing yourself, attempting to engage, and establishing rapport, and you should have a strong desire to be listened to and liked – as if you were on stage. This is probably important to you if you're a financial advisor, other type of sales producer, or business owner. In fact, if you become effective at delivering seminars or presentations for your target market, speaking can be an even more effective marketing tool than networking. You'll be showcasing your smarts and your desire to help people, and you'll create an opportunity to offer your services to an audience of people who have bought into you and your message. All of this while creating, developing, and establishing a network of raving fans. How is that for an added benefit to networking?