it. Twenty-five years ago, homeschooling was much less common than it is today. (Some of the people who are close to us still think we’re wackos, in spite of the evidence provided by two well-adjusted children. Oh well, there’s no accounting for some people’s opinions.)
Addressing Socialization, the Hot Homeschooling Buzzword
It’s the first question you get from strangers who discover that you homeschool. Sometimes you even hear it from well-meaning relatives. Usually, however, anyone who actually knows your children on more than an, “Isn’t that Rainbow’s kid?” basis, also knows better than to demand information about your child’s social life. (At least, they should.)
Among veteran homeschoolers the topic is simply referred to as The Question. The dialog goes something like this: “Hey, guys. I met somebody at the mall today who asked me if I homeschool and then asked me The Question.” At this point everyone in the room responds in unison: What about socialization?
How do you address The Question? Before you can answer, you need to determine the question at hand. Is the person asking about social outlets, the time we allot to spend with friends and do fun things together, or is he actually asking about socialization? These are two entirely different questions.
Social outlets
Social outlets are a no-brainer. In fact, so many opportunities exist for homeschool families to spread their social wings and meet with other homeschooling (as well as nonhomeschooling) families that a whole section later in this chapter covers the options in depth. If someone asks you how your child finds social outlets, list the myriad of activities that nearly every homeschool family involves themselves with. Lessons, sports, scouting, religious organizations, and so on fill our children’s time and create excellent social opportunities.
Or do they? We think they do because we continue to sign them up for the classes and the organizations.
Socialization
The majority of questioners ask about something much more nebulous than scouts or Sunday school. The words are the same: What about socialization? However, they don’t want to know what you do so much as where your children will stand when they mature.
Now when The Question is posed to you, and you truly understand the query, you are free to answer the question instead of providing a few fluffy comments or blindly running through your after-school itinerary. (Or telling the person to bug off, which is also an acceptable response.) The question is really How will your child fit into society if he doesn’t go to school? The answer, of course, is that your child fits into society just fine.
Your child learns from you and the other adults and almost-adults in his life. He gets a much better view of how life really works because he isn’t incarcerated with a selection of age-mates all day long. Your child sees wisdom at work as she watches you plan and complete tasks, interact with people in your community, and schedule your life to get (almost) everything done. She learns your values and morals as she listens to what you say and watches what you do. In the meantime, your child learns to
Interact with the people around him, regardless of age, sex, or social class.
Observe and join adults in conversation that includes more meaningful topics than what the latest cute junior-high boy wore to school.
Work with others as a team for longer than an hour on the playing field. Working together becomes a way of life with homeschool students and parents.
Spend concentrated time and effort becoming good at a skill, such as dance, engineering, or computers.
This is the kind of interaction that leads to healthy, independent citizens.
Presenting the Issue of the Year
For years socialization always appeared as the homeschooling issue of the year, no matter which year it happened to be. Although you don’t hear it as often as you used to, people still raise this as The Homeschooling Issue. Of course, it’s only an issue among people who don’t actually teach their children at home. The veteran homeschoolers know better.
By the time a homeschool family has a couple years’ experience, its members understand that the best social place for its children is the home environment. Where else can you learn to relate to people from all different age groups, strengths, and weaknesses without resorting to insanity or institutionalization?
Families pass along values, morals, and standards as they interact together. Parents teach their young ones how to interact with society, how to tell right from wrong, and why they should avoid sticking their fingers in light sockets. (Ouch! That one hurt.) In fact, parents do a fine job through about age 5, and then someone else comes along and tells them that they need to send their children to school to learn all that matters.
Take time for a quick trip back to introductory logic. If you did a great job when they were 2, and you were magnificent when they were 4, then why is it that all of a sudden you need help at 6, 8, and 10? That doesn’t make sense. How is someone you don’t even know more qualified to teach your children about society than you are?
You learn about society by living life. Sitting in a classroom for six hours each day while someone tells you to be quiet and listen isn’t living life. Unless you happen to be a professional bank depositor for a large corporation, neither does real life consist of standing silently in a line several times per day.
So if these scenarios aren’t real life in the adult world, why do we insist that our children fit a mold that we ourselves wouldn’t be caught dead in? I don’t know about you, but if I worked in a job where I needed to raise my hand to go to the bathroom and then marched there and back carrying a brightly colored tag that reads Girl Bathroom Pass in large block letters, I think I’d find another position. At home, my children don’t raise their hands for permission to go to the bathroom. Do yours?
THEY WON’T FIND ONLY 25-YEAR-OLDS ON THE JOB
Imagine working for a company that only hires 25-year-old workers. Everywhere you turn you see other 25-year-olds: in the mailroom, at the computers, in the warehouse. Each person is exactly your age.
Sounds vaguely Brave New World-esque, doesn’t it? Thankfully, it’s not reality.
Homeschoolers get a jump on this whole reality thing. Because they incorporate multiple ages into learning and life from the beginning of homeschool (whenever that may be), these students cope without shock if their first manager is old enough to be a grandfather (or, conversely, young enough to pass as an older sister). Homeschoolers grow up with the idea that people come in all ages, all sizes, and all shapes. After all, that’s what they see at home, in the educational co-op, and in the community.
They learn to be kind to younger people and listen to older ones. They find out that a best friend can be several years older, several years younger, or the exact same age. And they understand that they can pursue interests and hobbies different from those of a close friend yet still share some things in common. They learn to be individuals.
This carries over into the workplace. These students think through problems and suggest solutions because