was a tight feeling in his chest. A kettlebell from the gym had just positioned itself on his chest, pushing the air out of his lungs and making him struggle for breath. He was going to see this through. He was. Once he’d told her, that was it—it was out there.
‘It won’t surprise you to know I don’t talk about my personal life much. That’s why I came down to London. To get away from things. The only person who knows what happened is Leo.’
‘Don’t worry. I won’t breathe a word.’
He tried to find the words in his head. He wasn’t just doing this for himself, he was doing it for her too. ‘Bonnie—my wife—died giving birth to our twins. There were complications. My son and daughter died too.’
Her hand had gone automatically to her mouth and her eyes had widened in shock. This wasn’t your everyday conversation.
He put his elbows on the table for a second and put his head in his hands. He was trying not to let the familiar wave of emotions wash over him. He needed to keep himself together.
He ran his tongue along his dry lips. ‘I wanted you to know that when I walked away last night—I wasn’t walking away from you. It wasn’t about you.’ He pressed his hand to his chest. ‘It was about me feeling guilty. I haven’t been with anyone since my wife died.’
‘Oh, Iain …’ There were tears glistening in her eyes and in a second she was up on her bare feet, walking round the kitchen table and standing behind him, linking her hands around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder.
They stayed like that for a few minutes. He could feel the rise and fall of her chest behind him, feel her warm breath on his cheek. He lifted up his hand and linked it with hers.
‘Lexi, I just want you to know—’
‘Don’t say it.’
He pulled her hand, adjusting his position in the chair until he was sitting sideways and could pull her onto his lap.
‘I don’t know about anything. I can’t promise you anything. Because I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t know if I’m there yet.’ She looked so young, so vulnerable. The very last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.
He put his finger under her chin and pulled her head up to meet his eyes. They were almost nose to nose and he had the clearest view he’d ever had of her beautiful blue eyes. ‘I want you to know that I think you’re gorgeous. I think you’re very desirable. And if I make a mess of things here, it’s because there’s something wrong with me, not you. You’re every man’s dream come true.’ He lowered his voice. ‘But not every man deserves you, Lexi. And not every man is ready for you.’
There was a waver in her eyes, a sign of hesitation. Then she took a deep breath, her chest rose and her shoulders straightened. Her fingers wound their way through his shaggy brown hair. ‘Thank you for telling me about your wife, Iain. I appreciate this is hard. And it’s new. I won’t tell anyone about your wife. And I guess we can just wait to see how things go.’
She smiled at him, and it was an older, more resigned smile. ‘I’m not looking for you to save me. After my last experience I’m just looking for someone to treat me with respect and value my opinions. How about we go from there?’
He could see she was holding back. He could see there was something in her eyes that she was keeping from him. Guarding herself and guarding her heart. The sensible option. And he respected that. He could live with that, because he hadn’t told her everything yet. That might come later.
She stood up. ‘You’re still going to be grumpy at the clinic, though, aren’t you?’
He took a bite of his toast. ‘Obviously. Why change the habit of a lifetime?’ He looked at the clock. ‘Are you due there today?’
She nodded and looked down at the pale blue shirt. ‘I don’t have any appointments until later today—and then some into the evening. I have a few interviews lined up with some national papers and I still need to edit your interview. Oh, and get you to pose for some publicity shots.’
‘I am not wearing a kilt.’
She tilted her head to the side and folded her arms. ‘I might be able to think of a way to persuade you. How much time have you got?’
‘A few hours. I need to go to the Lighthouse to check on one of my patients. But they aren’t expecting me until around eleven.’ He abandoned the toast. He much preferred the other offer. ‘How do you think you can persuade me?’
‘Have you got a bath? A big bath?’ She had that gleam in her eye as she took his hand and led him towards the stairs.
Her voice drifted along the corridor. ‘And what I’d really like is some bubbles …’
IAIN GLANCED AT the clock on the wall. ‘Lexi, are you ready?’ He didn’t want to be late.
She appeared instantly at his side. He tried not to let his eyes automatically run up and down the length of her body—but, boy, was it hard. Her perfume was already assaulting his senses and rejigging his memory from the night before.
It was making his skin prickle and resurrecting a whole host of feelings of guilt. He tried to push them away. She was dressed conservatively. A plain cream blouse, knee-length navy skirt and flats. But she still managed to carry it off with panache. The sooner he finished with this the better. He hated the fact he didn’t think he could control his body’s responses around her. The last thing he needed was other people suspecting something was going on.
This was the last part of the filming—a review of a little Chinese boy he’d performed surgery on a few days ago. He stopped just outside the door and nodded to the cameraman, who started filming.
‘Okay, today we’re going to look in on An. He’s a six-year-old Chinese boy with a facial deformity—hemifacial microsomia. It’s a condition that affects the bone, muscle, fat and nerves of the lower part of the face. The deformities are on a spectrum. They can range from a mild presentation with slight asymmetry to severe absence of facial structures. It’s a progressive disorder and becomes more apparent as the child grows.’
‘How common is it?’ asked Lexi.
‘It’s the second most common facial deformity and affects around one in five thousand six hundred births. It’s equally common in males and females.’
Lexi halted at the door and he wondered about her reaction. Please don’t let her grimace when she sees the child. An’s asymmetrical features were apparent, even at a young age. He had many more years of surgery ahead of him.
He tapped her shoulder as they walked in and kept talking to the camera. ‘One side of An’s face is growing normally. The other isn’t. The surgery I did a few days ago was a mandibular correction to allow for normal maxillary growth. It means An’s dental structures and jaw will be in better alignment.’
He was still watching Lexi from the corner of his eye. She had her head tilted to one side and looked as if she was concentrating fiercely. She was watching An and his mother talk in hushed voices. He glanced towards the doorway again, waiting for the translator. Speaking Chinese was not in his repertoire.
But it appeared to be in Lexi’s.
She walked over and knelt next to the little boy and his mother, trying a few hesitant words. The woman’s eyebrows shot skywards and after a few seconds she replied haltingly.
Lexi smiled and tried again. This time she was a little more relaxed and the words flowed more freely. The exchange lasted a few minutes. Iain couldn’t believe his eyes. How did she know Chinese?
He took a few steps closer. ‘Lexi?’
She