was dazed, of course. He waited until I felt better, then…’ Emily glanced briefly at Rosa and said, ‘Then I left him and came home.’
‘Alone? He didn’t offer to see you home safely? What a strange man he must be to leave you to find your own way after such a fall! He can’t have been much of a gentleman.’
‘No! No, you mustn’t think… He…he wanted to bring me home. I wouldn’t let him.’
‘Why ever not?’
‘He…he…he kissed me.’
‘Against your will? The heartless wretch!’
‘No… It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t at all like that!’
Emily got up and walked away. Her voice was muffled as she said, still not turning round, ‘I let him kiss me. Willingly.’
This surprised Rosa so much that for a moment she couldn’t say anything. Then she stammered, ‘I can’t believe it!’
‘Neither can I! Not now.’ Emily stood a moment with her back towards Rosa. When she turned round, she had a look of desperation on her face. ‘I don’t know what came over me, Rosa!’ she said in a stifled voice. ‘I’m not normally so…so idiotic. Perhaps it had all been too much for me—Mrs Gosworth, the bull, then falling from the tree…I don’t know! But, whatever the reason, I behaved like a…like a wanton. I must have been mad. How will I ever forget it?’
‘Of course you can. You were dazed, in shock. Don’t get upset, Emily! It was probably more difficult than you think to refuse him.’
‘But afterwards…I should have been angry, should have fought to get away from him as quickly as I could. But I didn’t.’ She fell silent and her face softened into a smile of remembrance. For a moment she looked…vulnerable. ‘I enjoyed it. He was so kind… so gentle… I felt so…so safe with him…so cherished… I didn’t push him away. I wanted him to kiss me again. And he did.’ She shook her head in a gesture of repudiation. ‘I’m still…so ashamed.’
Rosa got up and said softly, ‘Dearest Emily, you mustn’t be. I think it quite likely that the shock of the fall affected your behaviour yesterday. You were grateful to him, as well as dazed. I shouldn’t worry about the state of your morals! But there’s more to it than that.’ She thought for a moment. ‘Let’s go for a walk.’
As they walked through an avenue of trees planted by Philip’s great-grandfather nearly a hundred years before, Rosa said, ‘Mrs Gosworth can be very cruel indeed. I suffered at her hands quite badly. My first marriage, as you know, was an unhappy one. Stephen, my husband, was involved with some very disreputable people… Mrs Gosworth somehow or other heard about Stephen and when I visited her shortly after our marriage she hinted that I had ruined Philip’s life by marrying him, that the Winbolts’ reputation was irreparably damaged by associating with me. Philip had to work hard to reassure me afterwards that it was all nonsense—she can be very convincing.’
She stopped and looked at Emily. ‘You are one of the most level-headed people I know, Emily, but yesterday you were so angry with Mrs Gosworth that you forgot about a very dangerous bull and could have been killed. And afterwards, when you were telling me about the stranger, you said you had felt “cherished”. That’s a very unusual word for you. You are much more likely to insist on your independence. You must have felt the need of comfort quite badly. Tell me, Emily—what did Mrs Gosworth say to upset you so?’ When Emily said nothing she went on, ‘Was it about me? Did she suggest that your reputation had suffered because of your relationship to me? I must say, I thought Philip had put a stop to such talk when he saw her earlier this year.’
‘No, it was nothing like that.’
‘Perhaps she tried to suggest that you were unlikely to find a husband? That’s a favourite ploy of hers to any girl over the age of twenty.’
Emily said bitterly, ‘On the contrary. She suggested that I ought to marry as soon as possible. It shouldn’t be too difficult, she said, to find a husband for someone with a fortune like mine, even if they have little else to recommend them.’
Rosa was as angry as Emily had ever seen her. She said something under her breath, walked on a few paces, then exclaimed, ‘That woman is poisonous. She should have been chased out of the neighbourhood years ago! Little wonder that her own family refuses to go near her. Why the county continues to receive her I do not know! Emily, she is not worth a second thought.’
Emily did not reply for a minute. Then she said quietly, ‘But it’s true, isn’t? I learned that before I was twenty from the man I had been about to marry. I had thought we loved each other, but he only loved my fortune. I heard him say it. “Of course I’m not in love with her, Caroline,” he said. “You know I love you. But I need her money. Good lord, why else would a man tie himself to a cool fish like Emily Winbolt? I’d sooner go to bed with a block of ice.” It was quite a shock.’ Emily gave a bitter little smile and went on, ‘He was furious when I called the engagement off.’
Rosa put her hands on Emily’s shoulders and shook her. ‘I didn’t know the young man, it was before I knew you, but you were well rid of him. He could never have made you happy. Emily, you are an intelligent, caring person with a delightful sense of humour. The sort of man you could love would have to be someone special. And he would be proud to have you as a wife.’
‘Where will he be found? I’ve met many men since, but never one I wanted for a husband. Most of them found my fortune more important than I was. I’ve never fallen in love again, never felt the least stirring of desire for any one of them. Half the time they didn’t understand what I was talking about. Even if they had cared. And very few men appreciate what you call my “delightful sense of humour”.’
‘Very few men see it. You are always too guarded.’
‘I’ve learned to be wary. To tell the truth, I doubt now that I shall ever marry.’ She looked at Rosa with the beginning of a smile. ‘And do you know? This will probably shock you, but I have to confess it. I didn’t feel like a cool fish yesterday. That stranger’s kisses were far more exciting than any I’ve known before. They stirred me more than Harry Colesworth’s ever did. Isn’t that scandalous?’ She laughed. ‘Don’t look so worried, Rosa dear. I know I couldn’t marry the man—he was little more than a vagabond. Certainly no one a respectable spinster like me could ever consider as a husband! No, I don’t think I shall marry, whatever Mrs Gosworth says.’ She paused, and then said hesitantly, ‘In fact, I have a different plan for the future. You could help me with it, if you would.’
‘Of course I will,’ said Rosa. ‘But what is it?’
‘If Philip agreed, I should like most of all to set up house on my own. Near at hand, of course. You could help me to persuade him.’
Rosa was deeply shocked. She turned on Emily. ‘What a dreadful idea! I won’t do anything of the sort. I wouldn’t be at all happy with such an arrangement and neither would Philip. This is your home, Emily, and the only good reason for you to leave it would be with a man who loves you and wants to marry you.’ She stopped short, and continued more slowly, her voice revealing how hurt she was, ‘What have we done that you should prefer to live alone, however near at hand? I thought you loved us.’
Emily sighed inwardly and wished she had said nothing. It was just as she had foreseen. And Philip’s reaction would be just the same. How could she explain to two of the people she loved best in the world that she often felt lonely in their company, often felt like an outsider, a hanger-on, however kindly they treated her? She loved them, enjoyed their company, and would always want to spend time with them. But she would never be really content until she was mistress of her own establishment, creating a garden again, planning improvements. In that way she would feel independent enough to spend as much time as she wanted with them, without feeling she was intruding on their idyll. They were so happy together. She sighed again. They would never understand. It was an impossible dream.
Meanwhile Emily’s stranger had arrived at Thirle, where