perps the wrong way...so, of course, a thirteen-year-old kid who’d been traumatized would make mistakes.” She swallowed. “I made mistakes. To tell you the honest truth, I can’t even swear to what I saw today. Maybe he wasn’t blond. Maybe I was just thinking of you. You had such a big role in that day for me. Maybe you were all that I could see.”
She’d been all that he could see. The first person who’d looked at him as if he weren’t trash, as if he were someone who mattered. And then he’d seen her get taken.
I can’t lose her.
Those had been his thoughts that day. He remembered them perfectly.
I won’t lose her.
“It’s the human memory,” she whispered. “People think it’s like a video recorder or something but it’s not. The way people think...my friend Samantha said it’s more like putting puzzle pieces together. We have the bits and pieces there, but sometimes our mind makes jumps to fill in the rest for us. To close those gaps.”
The wind caught a lock of her hair once more and blew it over her cheek. His hand rose and brushed back that hair, and then his fingers lingered on the silk of her skin. “It wasn’t your fault. Nothing was.”
She sucked in a sharp breath and seemed to become aware of just how close they were.
Aware that he was touching her.
I need to back away.
He started to ease away. His hand slid down her cheek and—
Jill caught his hand in hers. “It’s because it hurts.”
Hayden’s eyes narrowed. “What hurts?” He never wanted Jill to feel pain. He would do anything necessary to see to it that she never suffered a single day of her life. Not—
“When you touch me, it hurts.”
Her words pierced the heart she’d always owned.
“It makes me feel too much. You make me feel too much. You always did.”
Was that good? Or bad?
“You make me want...” Jill said, giving a shake of her head. “You make me want things that I can’t have.”
Maybe they should be clear. She could have him anytime she wanted. Anytime, any way, any day. He was aroused for her right then. It was pretty much impossible for him to get close to Jill and not want her.
“That’s dangerous,” she continued, her voice husky. “You’re dangerous to me.”
No, he wasn’t. She was the safest person in the world when he was near.
Her body brushed against his. It had been so long since he’d held her. Dreams weren’t enough for him any longer. Memories could only get a man so far. She was close. He needed her.
A taste, just a taste to get him through...
“I never stopped wanting you,” Hayden confessed. It was time to make sure there were no secrets between them.
Her lashes lowered. Such thick, dark lashes. The sunlight made her red hair gleam. “I tried to stop wanting you,” she said.
He deserved that. Damn it. He sucked in a deep breath and made himself step back. “We shouldn’t stay out too long. You always burned too easily.” He should have brought her a hat. Or grabbed a beach umbrella. Her skin was so much paler than his own and—
Jill touched him. Her fingers curled around his wrist and Hayden stilled.
“I tried,” she said, “but then I came face-to-face with you, and I realized the need is still there.”
“Jill...”
“I’m not here to make the same mistakes. I’m here to get my life together. I’m here to end the past and to try and move on.”
Was she saying he was the past?
“If I’d known you were here...” She licked her lips and didn’t say another word.
“You wouldn’t have come,” Hayden finished. Damn, he hadn’t realized just how much Jill hated him. He didn’t want that. He couldn’t deal with that. Not from her.
“No... I...” Her lashes lifted. “I would have been better prepared for you. I would have been able to hold myself back.”
He didn’t want her holding back.
“But maybe I’m making too much of this,” Jill added, a faint furrow between her brows. “Maybe what I’m feeling...it’s just left over from our past.” Her gaze dropped to his mouth. “Why fear it...if I don’t know what will happen?”
“Jill?”
Her hand fisted on his uniform shirt. “Kiss me.”
Wait. Had she just said—
“Maybe I won’t feel anything and I can let our past go.”
“Don’t count on it,” Hayden growled. He bent his head and his lips took hers.
There was no uncertainty in his kiss, not with Jill. No getting-to-know-you hesitation. He knew her intimately, knew exactly what she liked and didn’t like. All of those memories were burned into his mind.
She’d said people’s memories were like puzzle pieces. His memories of her weren’t. His memories of her were complete in heartbreaking detail because she’d been the one person who always mattered most to him.
Her lips parted beneath his. Hayden’s tongue swept inside her mouth. She tasted so sweet, so good. He pulled her closer and kissed her deeper. He longed for so much more. A low moan built in her throat, a sexy sound that just made the desire knife through him. He was hard and aching for her.
But they were on a public beach.
People were around.
And she was...running a test. Trying to see if she can walk away from me.
His head slowly lifted. He stared down at her, saw the flush on her cheeks and the heat in her gaze. “Well?”
She let go of his uniform. “You always did know how to kiss. But then, you were the boy who gave me my very first kiss.” She started to retreat.
Hayden caught her hand, held tight. We are so past that not-touching part.
“That first kiss was on this very beach.” Another memory that had gotten him through hell. When his life had become a battle, when the missions had been at their darkest, he’d pulled out those memories.
“What do you want me to say?” Jill asked, her breath hitching. “What do you want—”
You. Always you. “Time has passed. We’ve changed. But the desire hasn’t, Jill. It hasn’t lessened.” Hell, no. For him, it had only gotten stronger. Right then, he wanted her naked and under him on a bed. Or over him. That would work, too. Any way with Jill would work. “But the choice is yours.” It always would be. “You want us to stay only partners, just working the cold case? Fine, we can do that.” He’d need a whole lot of very, very icy showers. “But if you want more...” He exhaled. “Then I’ll give you everything I have.”
Her gaze searched his. What did she see, Hayden wondered, when Jill looked at him?
He knew what others had seen...
Troublemaker.
Son of a criminal.
Trash.
Then...after Jill...
Hero.
Fighter.
SEAL.
Now...sheriff. Peacekeeper.
But what was he to her? An ex she wants to forget? “So how did the experiment go?” Hayden asked her, his voice gruff. “Are we to be just partners or—”