After that it was simple to stop for dinner at a small wayside restaurant, to find the campground where a cabin had been rented in their name, to drive through the overhanging boughs of spruce and cedar to a small log building nestled between two massive pines.
“It’s really lovely, isn’t it?” Clarissa stood on the porch and looked around at the beauty of God’s world shown to best advantage in the clear moonlight and a few strategically placed lights. “How kind of them to do this for us.”
She gasped when his hands caught her up against his chest, barely managing to stifle the shriek that would have alerted the other campers, wherever they were, to their presence.
“What are you doing?” she whispered loudly as he struggled to reach the doorknob. She leaned down and unlatched it with her free hand. The other one refused to move from its anchoring position against his neck.
“Carrying you over the threshold. Isn’t that what you were waiting for?”
“No!” Clarissa gasped as he lowered her to her feet, her face burning with color. “I never even thought of such a thing.”
“Well, I want to keep up with tradition,” he mumbled, his face darkening. “Isn’t that what all the hoopla was about earlier?” Then he turned and went back out the door.
Clarissa blinked and tried to pretend that she didn’t wonder if he was coming back. But her sigh of relief when he staggered in the door with their cases gave her away, if he’d been paying attention.
Which he wasn’t. In fact, as he closed the door on the cabin and surveyed the rustic interior, Wade tried to convince himself that he hadn’t noticed anything about his new wife at all. That project was not a success.
The gold band on her finger gleamed as if she’d spent the ride here polishing it. Her hair, loose and flowing down her back, just begged to be brushed until it once more resembled the sheet of burnished silver-gold that he’d glimpsed so many mornings. And that suit of hers—that blazing red drew attention like a fire engine.
Wade didn’t like what he was feeling. None of it. He wasn’t a family kind of guy. Deep down the stark truth was that Wade didn’t believe in families. He sure as shootin’ didn’t believe in his ability to manage one. He’d only done it out of necessity.
Maybe he should have told her that? Yeah, right. Before or after he kissed her?
“Is anything wrong, Wade?” Clarissa studied him with a tiny frown that pleated the porcelain skin between her elegant brows. “Is something the matter?”
“No. Yes. Uh…” Wade shook his head in disgust, trying to come up with a way to tell her. “That is, maybe you’d better sit down, Clarissa. There’s something we need to discuss.”
“All right.” Her voice was quiet, almost frightened. As if she expected the worst and needed to steel herself for it. She sat down across from him in the overstuffed recliner that almost swallowed her delicate body whole. Her hands settled primly in her lap, her chin tilted upward to receive the blow. “Go ahead.”
“It’s not anything bad,” he muttered, mentally kicking himself for spoiling the ambience. She deserved better. He forged on. “It’s just that I wanted us to understand one another right off.”
“You don’t have to tell me, you know. I am quite aware that this is what is called a marriage of convenience. And I’m quite willing to take the sofa.” She forced a timid smile to her lips, obviously striving to pretend that the little quaver in her voice wasn’t there.
“It’s not just that.” He flopped onto that sofa, squeezed his eyes closed and desperately searched for the right words. They weren’t there. “I’m not a family man, Clarissa. I’m too selfish, I guess. I spent a lot of time watching my parents’ marriage fail, and while it did I was responsible for my sister. I didn’t want her to see the ugliness when they were fighting, to hear the awful words.”
Clarissa nodded as she listened. “That’s perfectly natural,” she murmured, her head tilted to one side. “As a big brother, you must have been a wonderful friend.”
He shook his head. “Not really. I made her play the games I wanted to. She had to fall in with my wishes, because I was in charge. But that’s not it.” He chewed his lip in frustration. Why was this so hard to say? Wade thought for a moment, then started again.
“I hated the responsibility of it, you see. I wanted them to look after her, to make sure she was okay. There were so many things I wanted to do and she got in the way.” He shook his head. “I messed up so many times. Once I made her eat some berries and she was sick for a week.” One hand raked through his hair as he remembered her thin body shaking with the fever. “Anyway, my dad left. Uncle Carston probably told you that?”
She nodded.
“It was pretty rough then. I was the man of the house, but I did a lousy job of looking after my mom and Kendra. I couldn’t wait to dump them onto somebody else so I could go after my own dreams.” He stopped abruptly when he realized where this was going. No way was he digging into that now. He straightened his shoulders, drew in another breath and continued.
“Let’s just say it wasn’t any paradise. After Kendra got married, I finally felt free. I made up my mind then and there that I would never be tied down to anyone again. I never wanted the responsibility of someone else’s happiness.” He tried to read her. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Yes, of course.” Clarissa nodded, her eyes clear and calm. “You don’t want to be accountable for my problems. You took the children on because you promised your sister, and you’ve done the best you could with them because you figured it was your duty. But it’s not the life you would have chosen for yourself. Close enough?”
She didn’t get it, not all of it anyway. But she was pretty close. Wade nodded slowly, rephrasing his thoughts. “Well, yes, but…”
She held up a hand. “Oh, I’m not finished yet. I’m not stupid, you know. I understand exactly what you’re saying, Wade Featherhawk. You think I’ll add to your responsibilities, that I’ll be even more of a burden on you. And you’re scared stiff. Is that about right?”
Wade gulped. Meek and mild little Clarissa Cartwright, no Featherhawk, had a lot more on the ball than he’d given her credit for. Now she’d made him feel like a jerk, which he probably was, for wanting to live his life without thinking about anyone else.
“Not scared, no.” He couldn’t let that go. “It’s just an awful lot for me to handle at one time, Clarissa. Four kids! Nobody has four kids in this two-point-five-family world. If they do, they get them one at a time!” He groaned at the selfish words that poured out of his own mouth.
I sound like a wimp. Wade shoved his head into his hands and dragged at the roots, trying to realign his topsy-turvy world.
“I love them, Clarissa. I do! But it’s hard to go from being independent to being a father of four, and then a husband. It’s gonna take me some time to adjust, that’s all I’m saying.” That sounded better, didn’t it? As if he just had a few issues to work through and then life would be rosy.
If it wasn’t the way he felt, she didn’t need to know that. After all, Clarissa was taking them all on and she wasn’t even related! She was going to have to adjust far more than he.
“What I’m trying to say is, don’t get too upset if I’m not very good at this. I’ll probably need a lot of practice before I come anywhere near being the kind of husband you deserve.”
She laughed at him! Wade could hardly believe that light, tinkling sound that shattered the tension in the room like a high note splintering a crystal goblet. He stared, frowning at the smile curling her lips.
“It goes both ways, Wade. I’ve never been a mother or a wife and now I’ve got to get used to all of you at once. At least you had months to train.” She got up and walked