for her.
Christmas had always felt like that to her growing up. At least, until they had come to live on the ranch, when her mother had married Tanner’s father. Here, she had actually found a sense of magic. Something that went beyond the vague disappointments her meager childhood had provided.
But then, that was part of the problem.
Her crush on Tanner was all about security, at the end of the day. Security and wanting what you couldn’t have.
They had moved on to the ranch, she had met him—the oldest, tallest and most handsome of all of her stepfather’s sons—and it had been love at first sight.
He had also been utterly and completely out of bounds when she had been twelve. Just like he was now.
She had never pined after anyone else. Not ever.
She imagined that much like making outlandish Christmas gifts when she was a little girl, before her mother had married Jim Reid, knowing she wouldn’t even receive one small thing, it was a way of protecting herself.
If you went bold, and you went crazy, and laughable, then you knew that you were never going to get your way at all.
She’d heard it said that you should shoot for the moon, so that even if you missed you landed among the stars.
As far as Chloe was concerned, it was better to fantasize about the moon, knowing there was no way in the world you could jump that high, than try to jump over a small fence and land on your face. Or something. It was maybe a clumsy metaphor. But it made enough sense to her.
“I just need to make sure the horses are squared away. I know that Jacob Dalton is going to do a decent job taking care of them, but I want everything in order.”
“They’re horses,” Savannah said, laughing. “Not children.”
“Well, they’re all I have,” she pointed out.
Savannah cringed. “I didn’t mean to say it like that or make it seem like I thought they didn’t matter.”
“I didn’t think you were,” Chloe said, gently.
Savannah was so sweet, and such a wonderful addition to Jackson’s life. When he had unexpectedly found out he was a father, and had ended up raising his infant daughter on his own, he’d hired Savannah as a live-in nanny, and the two of them had fallen in love. As far as Chloe was concerned it was something out of a fairy tale. The kind she would have said didn’t exist if she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes.
“Well, we’ll see you up there then. Calder, Lauren and the girls are already on the road. He didn’t have any confidence in their ability to get there quickly. Apparently there will be a lot of stopping. Shopping, views and bathrooms.”
Chloe laughed. “I’ll see you there.”
Jackson came out of the house then, cradling his daughter, Lily, in his arms. He shifted the little girl and waved. Lily copied him, waving a chubby hand until he set her in the car and began to buckle her into her car seat.
Chloe stood and watched as they drove off of the ranch property and headed down the highway.
She took a deep breath, trying to do something to ease the strange heaviness that she felt in her chest. She didn’t know why her more melancholy Christmas feelings were surfacing. Well, she wasn’t sure why particularly this year more than any other year. Unless she was really so small and petty that it was about everyone being paired off in a way that she wasn’t.
She hoped she wasn’t that small and petty. She really did.
She took a fortifying breath and turned, heading toward the barn, where the horses were. The horses were her pride and joy, the ultimate gift that her stepfather had given to her. A love of horses, and a knowledge of how to handle them. Something she never would have had if Jim Reid had never come into her life.
He had been imperfect, and she knew that. He was gruff, and it was difficult for him to show emotion. But she had always felt like he showed it with what he had. By giving out responsibility on the ranch that he loved, and entrusting his children, his sons and his stepdaughter, with the care of it.
She’d found her purpose on this ranch. Her calling.
Sure, it wasn’t the most lucrative career, giving riding lessons—mostly to children—but it was rewarding, and the ranch was set up in such a way that it was possible for all of the siblings to live there if they wanted to.
Of course, Calder had moved into his wife’s house, their brood of children too large for the cabin he once lived in.
And really, Chloe was supposed to be moving into his old place on the property so that she didn’t have to be in the main house with Tanner, who had that place simply because he was the oldest. But she just... Hadn’t. She had stayed, because while coexisting with Tanner wasn’t comfortable per se it was also...
She just liked to be near him. And as pathetic as that was, it was also undeniable.
She went over the detailed list of instructions that she was leaving behind for Jacob. She had already walked him around the place and given him a good look at the facility, but she had also made sure to leave as much direction behind as possible.
He would be taking care of the horses, but also the cattle that lived on the ranch. It was a rare and strange thing for the entire family to leave the property. In fact, they had never done it. Not in all the time that Chloe had lived there. It was a big thing. A marker of the changes that had occurred recently. And she wondered if perhaps that was partly why she was feeling a little bit strange.
Like things were moving faster than usual. Like it was all getting away from her, with everyone moving forward, and her standing still.
Tanner hasn’t changed...
Maybe not.
She sighed heavily. She needed some time to clear her head. She ignored the gathering clouds in the sky and decided to get her horse out of her stall. All of these strange emotions were nothing that a ride through the countryside wouldn’t fix.
She would do that and then she would head up and be as festive as anyone could possibly ask her to be.
And hopefully no one would realize that she was grappling with any kind of weird emotion.
Least of all the stepbrother who was causing them.
* * *
WHEN TANNER SAW that Chloe’s car was still parked in front of the ranch house he swore. He was hoping that Chloe would have already taken off. Hours ago, preferably, because if his much younger stepsister had, then none of this would be his problem. But he had just gotten a call from his brother Calder, who was already at the cabin a couple of hours away, and he’d informed him that the roads were ice covered. There was no way that Chloe was going to get up there in her little car.
And that meant that she had to ride with Tanner.
Of course, he lived with her, it wasn’t like he wasn’t exposed to her all the time. But that didn’t seem to help with the inappropriate attraction to her he’d been dealing with since she was about eighteen, and way too young for him to be looking at her that way.
He didn’t know when it had started, not exactly. It wasn’t as if he’d been struck with lightning one moment, but somehow she had gone from being something not quite a sister, but certainly not eligible, to being...a woman.
No. A lightning strike would have been easier.
He’d have been able to go back to the scene of that crime and do something about it. He’d have been able to get to the damn root of it all and tear it out, if it had been that simple.
It hadn’t been a moment. It had been a subtle build. Something about the way the light would catch her short, curly dark hair sometimes. Or a mischievous grin she would give him.
The way that her laugh rolled through his body and landed