how they stand in relation to each other. This fight lets Stan experience his own strength, and that feels good. It makes him feel alive. When the situation calls for it, Stan can literally make himself bigger and stronger. And when he does that, the people in his surroundings often make themselves smaller. When he perceives his own power and strength, the danger exists that Stan no longer senses the power and strength of others. He underestimates his opponent, and this has caused him difficulties more than once.
HEART TYPES
The heart types (2, 3, 4) are all focused on themes of the heart: love, relationships, affection, the social environment, the people around them. They perceive the world through the filter of emotional intelligence. The three heart types value recognition, each in their own way. They want to pay attention or gain attention and be seen doing so. They like moving toward people. The strategy of heart types consists of adapting to the moods and feelings of others to gain a sense of connection with the other person. More than the other types, they trust and lean on appreciation and respect from others to maintain their sense of self-esteem and to feel loved. To preserve this appreciation and respect, they create an image of themselves that is meant to persuade others to accept them and see them as special. They are focused on a connection with others, on relationships.
This doesn’t mean that heart types are always successful when it comes to making this connection. With their focus on relationships, they clearly perceive any lack of unity. They are oriented toward others and view themselves through the eyes of others; they imagine how others see them, what they think about them. For that reason, every heart type is interested in their image in a certain way and in making sure others don't end up having a bad image of them.
The Rule of Threes
The rule of threes refers to the forces that are part of all processes. In many spiritual traditions, this rule is considered one of the universal laws of the cosmos, similar to Newton’s third law of motion: For every action in nature, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The natural sciences define force as “everything that can change the speed of a body.” The forces themselves are invisible, but humans experience their effect. Forces also have the energy to accomplish and complete something — to change the speed of a body, for example. As humans, we are part of the cosmos, so the universal laws also apply to us. Gurdjieff claims that each phenomenon is the result of three forces, but that nowadays people perceive and recognize only two of these laws. As examples of the two forces we know — forces that illustrate quite well our polar way of thinking — he cites the pairs negative-positive, action-reaction, male-female, yin-yang. Gurdjieff, for his part, thinks that a third force is always needed to bring anything into being.
Assume that two people have a difference of opinion. One shouts out “No!” while the other shouts “Yes!” If no third force intervenes, they will continue to shout “No! Yes! No! Yes!” because they’re stuck in their positions. Nothing can set them in motion. And, as a result, nothing changes. Now suppose that a third person joins them, who neutralizes the “No! Yes!” and, for example, offers a creative solution, one that is acceptable for both “No!” and “Yes!” Only then does something happen.
Let's see what all the shouting is about:
Active force: active, positive, giving, male.
Receptive force: passive, negative, receptive, female.
Reconciling force: unifying, neutral, connecting, impartial.
Consider the famous Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
You can find many versions of this prayer, though its origin and author are unclear. It’s attributed to many people, from the emperor/philosopher Marcus Aurelius (121-180 AD) to St. Francis of Assisi to Nelson Mandela. The most likely explanation is that it was written by the theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971) between 1937 and 1943.
This prayer can also be considered an example of the rule of threes. Here the active force is “to change what I can change,” and the receptive force is “to accept what I cannot change.” You can probably imagine what these two refer to. The third force is the reconciling force of consciousness or awareness. You can only evaluate the first two forces to know which to apply when you place them side-by-side. Humans perceive light because there is darkness, and vice versa. They think in comparisons; you can see differences by placing contrasts next to each other. The third force is needed to find and perform the right action. Back to the prayer: If you can’t differentiate what you can and can’t change, neither can you decide what would be the right course of action (changing things or accepting them).
It’s helpful to research and recognize these three forces in themselves. If you want to keep developing but aren’t making progress, only one or two forces are likely working inside you. In Gurdjieff’s teaching, the desire for development is considered an active force, and the resistance of the ego (which doesn’t want development) or the dormant state of the normal mental condition is the passive force. If only these two are present, it’s true that nothing will change, exactly as in the “No! Yes!” argument. The resistance of the ego literally swallows up any energy there might be to become active. This leaves little energy left over for growth. Self-management can also be referred to as energy management. You can learn to manage your energy so that you have enough energy available for further development and spiritual growth. Gurdjieff offers interesting lessons for the West on this topic as well. He writes that, in this regard, the unconscious has as many holes as a sieve and lets people’s energy flow into all kinds of things. One example is speaking. It can be a leisurely activity, but also something that deprives you of a lot of energy. Have you ever experienced how tired you are after a phone call or a meeting? As if you were drained? According to Gurdjieff, you should see this as literally true. Is that bad? Not in itself, if speaking has brought you what you wanted. But have you also ever felt that you were completely exhausted and seen everything as a waste of time and energy?
Let's look one more time at the rule of threes. In the Enneagram, it’s pictured as a triangle linking Types 3, 6, and 9. Point 3 stands for the active, positive force; point 6, for the receptive, negative force; and point 9, for the neutralizing, connecting force. This also corresponds to the characters and energy forms of people with types 3, 6, and 9.
In anticipation of my discussion of the spiritual aspects of the Enneagram (see Chapter 17), I list the higher or sacred virtues of these three types in Figure 3-2: faith, hope, and love. It’s no coincidence that these virtues, praised by St. Paul in his First Letter to the Corinthians, are also an example of the rule of threes. (See?