although the respect from his peers does not seem to enhance or lead to close male friendships. He wants his peers’ approval even though he keeps his distance from them.
Malcolm claims that he uses condoms most of the time because he is afraid of getting AIDS but does not use condoms with girls who he “knows are faithful.” With those particular girls, however, he worries about getting them pregnant. Yet, if that happened, he says he would let the girl choose whether to have an abortion:
It sounds like pregnancy’s not that much of an issue because you wouldn’t mind really being a father.
Yeah, it’s not like I’m trying to get one ’cause, you know, if that happens, you know. I’m there.
So it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for you?
So, I wouldn’t really—so, what I’m saying, I wouldn’t mess around with somebody, you know, and try and mess up and make that mistake with somebody I don’t even really care about, or don’t really like.
Malcolm’s ambivalence about having a child is palpable as he states in one moment that while he is not trying to have a child, he would “be there” if he were to become a father; and in another moment, that although it would be a “mistake” to have a child, he would not want to make such a “mistake” with someone for whom he did not care. Given such uncertainty, Malcolm seems more likely to become a father at a younger age than his male peers in the study who, like the Hispanic boy in the poster, were unambivalent about not wanting to have children. Malcolm will, in fact, become a father by his junior year.
When asked about high-risk behavior such as drug and alcohol use, Malcolm says that he currently smokes marijuana and occasionally drinks alcohol because, like sex, it relaxes him. He would never try drugs such as cocaine or crack because he has seen the “statistics” and knows how dangerous those drugs can be. He has, nonetheless, sold drugs a few times in the past and admits to having stolen coats, pants, hats, and gloves and then selling them to make money. He has recently stopped these illegal dealings because he grew too worried about getting caught and because he found a job. What seems particularly noteworthy about Malcolm’s confessions is that despite his past and current involvement in risky behavior, he is also an adolescent boy who takes care of his family and works two jobs when necessary.
Among his current role models, Malcolm mentions rap artists such as Public Enemy because they “get positive messages across.” Unlike many of the role models of the teens interviewed, Malcolm’s role models are not his immediate or extended family members, but rather people whom he admires because they put “knowledge into words that flow.” He thinks that rap is an important way to get messages across that “tell the truth about how things really are”: “Even though some people use profanity, they’re still telling the truth. Some adults, black, white, whatever it may be, they don’t even understand that. They just think they’re kicking out profanity. That’s all they pick up.” Malcolm strongly believes that rap music can offer people much more than most adults are willing or able to grasp. He hopes to be able to become a rap artist in the future to convey his own messages in a powerful medium. He wants to speak out about the realities of his world. Malcolm’s passion and intent to express himself in the world and to make a difference through his music is manifest throughout his freshman-year interview.
In school, Malcolm feels “somewhat” satisfied with his grades, which are mostly B’s and C’s. He emphasizes to Mike that he firmly believes that his grades are important and admits that he hopes to get better grades next year:
I used to think to myself, like, “This quarter, I can mess up.” But now I’m thinking, you know, mostly it’s just better to do good all quarters and try to like, you know, it’s really a thing trying to impress. You know what I’m saying? So they know who you are. They recognize you better.
Who’s they?
Like upper people that be looking down at the schools or children. Like, “Yeah, have him work for me.” When you go out and try to get a summer job, you be able to show them that you can back up your word.
Malcolm’s wish for recognition by the “upper people” is evident in each of his interviews and, in fact, is met in his junior year when his teachers place him on the honor roll. His belief in the importance of good grades and his search for recognition eventually appear to pay off.
When Mike asks Malcolm about his plans after high school, he says: “Well, I’m trying to get this rap thing started. But I’m just gonna go to school as long as I can. Just keep thinking positive—try to get as much info as I can—expand my vocabulary.” Malcolm repeatedly discusses his desire to “think positively” and to learn new words to effectively convey positive messages. “I feel as long as I expand my vocabulary, I’m able to get a positive message across.” Developing his ability to express himself is a critical component of how Malcolm sees himself gaining power or making a difference in the world.
When asked what he fears most about the future, Malcolm says his mother’s death as well as the consequences of his own death for his mother:
Do you fear your own death?
Not really. … I just be thinking how, I want to leave them. And then I be thinking, you know, if—if I ever die before my mother, you know, that hurt her a lot. That’s why I try to just not really think about that.
In keeping with his positive outlook, Malcolm avoids thinking about that which he most fears. Fearing death and the death of one’s parents or family members, and maintaining a positive attitude, was a theme in all of the adolescents’ interviews and is the focus of chapter 7.
Asked about whether “life is worth living,” Malcolm states:
I like to live because I feel like I want to be able to experience a lot of things, you know. And be able to give back what I’ve received.
So getting a lot out of life and then giving something back?
Yeah, like from where I’ve grown up. ’Cause times are hard for some people. And I’d rather be a—I ain’t gonna try to be no, um, whatcha call him—Martin Luther King—nothing like that. But I’m gonna try, myself, to do anything I can.
What would you like to give back?
Well, you know, I just like if I make it big—if I have dough—I’d rather be able to start some kind of scholarship or something like that. I would like to just help in the community. Start up, you know, new gangs, help with clubs or something like that, you know, parks and stuff.
Malcolm’s determination to spread his “positive messages” is, once again, evident. Although he is quick to point out that he does not have grandiose dreams for himself, he does have dreams, and they include “giving back” to his community.
I am drawn to Malcolm’s reflectiveness, sensitivity, and intelligence as I listen to his freshman-year interview. His perspectives sound “young” at times, but also sophisticated. He thinks about his life ending but worries about the effects of his death on his mother. He does not have close peer relationships but seems aware of the complexities of close relationships. He uses marijuana and has a history of delinquent behavior but remains mindful of gradations of risk and is responsible at home and at school. Malcolm represents himself as resisting simplistic classifications and in need of respect:
Okay, anything else about you that I didn’t ask that would be important to know in knowing who you are?
Just, you know, as long as you can respect me and I respect you and, after that, everything comes. We be cool.
So respect is a big thing for you?
Yeah.
Malcolm’s Sophomore Year
In