she had run away, so the decision was left to myself
So I decided, tomorrow is the day I die.
I planned it all out in my head, how I would say good-bye
That Monday at school was one of the longest of my life
The thought of suicide had become rife
But it was real now, and oh so close,
After I got home from dance, I would lay down and overdose.
On the way to the studio, I stopped by the store to get gatorade and more pills
If what I had already wouldn’t kill me, these extra ones will.
That night, I took a bath and ripped open my skin, hopefully for the last time
I wrote my family notes trying to explain I felt this would be a victimless crime.
I was young, but I had already lost my life; I wasn’t really living
I only hoped that my Mom would be forgiving.
-
A car is outside
My best friend runs to my room
“Hey are you okay?”
I was no longer looking for someone to save me
I wasn’t happy now, I wouldn’t ever be
“I got your message.
I can stay if you need me.
You know I love you.”
-
Alone again I put my playlist on
Pull the pills out from my underwear drawer and I swallow every single one.
50 advil, 48 coricidin, 8 wellbutrin all down within a few minutes
And I laid down in my bed ready to be finished.
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I am F
A
L
L
I
N
G
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Ease.
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Sleep.
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Nothingness.
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Nothingness.
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Nothingness.
---
“What is happening?”
“She’s going to kill herself!”
She opens my door
I think I looked dead.
Suddenly my mom is there,
She is shaking me
“What did you take?
Megan, tell me what you took!”
“PLEASE JUST LET ME DIE!”
---
Numb.
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“Put her in the car.”
My mom is on the phone now,
“Megan overdosed.”
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Blaring lights.
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A hospital room.
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“What did you take?”
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A new bed.
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I’m here, but I’m fading.
---
I can’t stand up on my own.
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Everything is blurry.
---
I know my Mom is next to me.
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“You don’t deserve this.
I’m sorry I’m your daughter.
Please, just let me go,”
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Blackout.
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Blackout.
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Blackout.
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Blackout.
---
I am now awake
What the fuck is happening?
Distance means nothing.
---
Blackout.
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My parents.
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“I love you, daughter.”
How is my mouth still moving?
“I love you too, Mom.”
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Can’t see.
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My legs! My legs! My legs!
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Where am I?
---
Blackout, again.
---
This world is not real.
Everything is distorted.
How did I get here?
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More doctors.
---
My Mother hugs me.
---
Is that my dad?
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“I love you, kiddo.”
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“You’re still running, huh?”
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When did I get here?
Right, this is the hospital.
How long has it been?
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Doctors.
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“You’re lucky to be alive. A few minutes difference and you could have died.”
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Not all here. Not yet.
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