I told them it was improper for more than one woman at a time to call at a bachelor's rooms, Basil.
Basil.
If you'd warned me I'd have made the show a bit tidier.
Mabel.
Oh, that's just what we didn't want. We wanted to see the Celebrity at Home, without lime-light.
Basil.
[Ironically.] You're too flattering.
Mabel.
By the way, how is the book?
Basil.
Quite well, thanks.
Mabel.
I always forget to ask how it's getting on.
Basil.
On the contrary, you never let slip an opportunity of making kind inquiries.
Mabel.
I don't believe you've written a word of it.
Hilda.
Nonsense, Mabel. I've read it.
Mabel.
Oh, but you're such a monster of discretion.... Now I want to see your medals, Mr. Kent.
Basil.
[Smiling.] What medals?
Mabel.
Don't be coy! You know I mean the medals they gave you for going to the Cape.
Basil.
[Gets them from a drawer, and with a smile hands them to Mabel.] If you really care to see them, here they are.
Mabel.
[Taking one.] What's this?
Basil.
Oh, that's just the common or garden South African medal.
Mabel.
And the other one?
Basil.
That's the D.S.M.
Mabel.
Why didn't they give you the D.S.O.?
Basil.
Oh, I was only a trooper, you know. They only give the D.S.O. to officers.
Mabel.
And what did you do to deserve it?
Basil.
[Smiling.] I really forget.
Hilda.
It's given for distinguished service in the field, Mabel.
Mabel.
I knew. Only I wanted to see if Mr. Kent was modest or vain.
Basil.
[With a smile, taking the medals from her and putting them away.] How spiteful of you!
Mabel.
John, why didn't you go to the Cape, and do heroic things?
John.
I confined my heroism to the British Isles. I married you, my angel.
Mabel.
Is that funny or vulgar?
Basil.
[Laughing.] Are there no more questions you want to ask me, Mrs. Halliwell?
Mabel.
Yes, I want to know why you live up six flights of stairs.
Basil.
[Amused.] For the view, simply and solely.
Mabel.
But, good heavens, there is no view. There are only chimney-pots.
Basil.
But they're most æsthetic chimney-pots. Do come and look, Mrs. Murray. [Basil and Hilda approach one of the windows, and he opens it.] And at night they're so mysterious. They look just like strange goblins playing on the house-tops. And you can't think how gorgeous the sunsets are: sometimes, after the rain, the slate roofs glitter like burnished gold. [To Hilda.] Often I think I couldn't have lived without my view, it says such wonderful things to me. [Turning to Mabel gaily.] Scoff, Mrs. Halliwell, I'm on the verge of being sentimental.
Mabel.
I was wondering if you'd made that up on the spur of the moment, or if you'd fished it out of an old note-book.
Hilda.
[With a look at Basil.] May I go out?
Basil.
Yes, do come.
[Hilda and Basil step out on the balcony, whereupon John goes to Mabel and tries to steal a kiss from her.
Mabel.
[Springing up.] Go away, you horror!
John.
Don't be silly. I shall kiss you if I want to.
[She laughing, walks round the sofa while he pursues her.
Mabel.
I wish you'd treat life more seriously.
John.
I wish you wouldn't wear such prominent hats.
Mabel.
[As he puts his arm round her waist.] John, some body'll see us.
John.
Mabel, I command you to let yourself be kissed.
Mabel.
How much will you give me?
John.
Sixpence.
Mabel.
[Slipping away from him.] I can't do it for less than half-a-crown.
John.
[Laughing.] I'll give you two shillings.
Mabel.
[Coaxing.] Make it two-and-three.
[He kisses her.
John.
Now come and sit down quietly.
Mabel.
[Sitting down by his side.] John, you mustn't make love to me. It would look so odd if they came in.
John.
After all, I am your husband.
Mabel.
That's just it. If you wanted to make love to me you ought to have married somebody else. [He puts his arm round her waist.] John, don't, I'm sure they'll come in.
John.
I don't care if they do.
Mabel.
[Sighing.] John, you do love me?
John.
Yes.
Mabel.
And you won't ever care for anybody else?
John.
No.
Mabel.
[In the same tone.] And you will give me that two-and-threepence, won't you?
John.
Mabel, it was only two shillings.
Mabel.
Oh, you cheat!
John.