Lockwood Ingersoll

The Adventures of Baron Trump


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      “Thinkest thou, little man thick-all-through,” asked chief Ztwish-Ztwish with a trembling tongue, “that I may look upon it and not fall into a swoon?”

      “O, most assuredly, great chief:” was my reply. “In fact, most light and buoyant Ztwish-Ztwish,” I continued, “I can rob this dreaded instrument of all its power to injure thee and place it in thy hand like any harmless bit of wood. Is it thy will that I should thus deliver to thee this dreaded point?”

      With a slight shiver, chief Ztwish-Ztwish made answer:

      “Ay, great and learned little master, I think I can bear the sight of it now. I am, indeed, very brave, but thou knowest a single prick of that deadly point would instantly end the life of the sturdiest Wind Eater.”

      I again assured him that there was really nothing to dread so long as he followed my directions. So saying I drew the darning needle from its hiding place.

      Chief Ztwish-Ztwish closed his eyes at first, but gradually grew bold enough to gaze upon the glittering point.

      Stooping down I picked up one of the cork clubs and breaking off a bit of the smaller end thrust the needle point into it.

      Chief Ztwish-Ztwish watched my movements with a sort of painful curiosity.

      “There, great chief of the Wind Eaters,” I exclaimed, “now thou mayest toy with it, hide it in the rushes of thy bed, it cannot injure thee! It is as harmless as a pebble rounded by the sportive, sparkling waters of one of thy mountain brooks. Take it! it may serve thee some day, in case of a sudden attack upon thy illustrious person.”

      “At such a moment, fear naught! seize it firmly, draw its dreaded point from its hiding place in this bit of cork. So small is it that it will be invisible in thy hand, and while thine enemy stands before thee in fancied safety, pierce him to death; for, thou are ruler and it is fitting that death should strike him who attempts to rob thy people of their chief!”

      Chief Ztwish-Ztwish took the needle with trembling hand, and hid the bit of cork which held it under the thatch of the roof. Then, calling out, he summoned one of his serving-men and bade him bring from a neighboring apartment a certain small bamboo chest, from which he drew a string of rare jewels somewhat of the nature of amber, only a thousand times more brilliant. With this beautiful gift he dismissed me, issuing orders to his ministers that no harm should be allowed to come to me for the accident which exploded the string of little Wind Eaters.

      Go-Whizz could with difficulty hide his anger at seeing me once more an honored guest at the court of chief Ztwish-Ztwish.

      I did not relax my vigilance in the least, however. Every night I barred the windows with my own hands, and placed Bulger’s mat of rushes in front of the door, so that it would be impossible for the wrathful leader to surprise me.

      Now that the explosion of the babies was quite forgotten, my sojourn among the Wind Eaters would have continued to be extremely pleasant, had not a new difficulty arisen to cause me anxiety.

      The rather thin diet upon which I had been existing, since my arrival among these curious people, while it appeased my hunger, robbed me of that plump and well-fed look which I had always had, I found myself losing flesh at an alarming rate. Chief Ztwish-Ztwish and queen Phew-yoo were delighted, for as they expressed it, “the little man thick-all-through was rapidly becoming in appearance at least, a genuine Wind Eater.”

      Bulger, too, fell away dreadfully.

      Now and then I surprised him with his dark, lustrous eyes fixed upon me with as much as to say: “O, little master, what is the matter with us? We eat, and yet we grow thin. Are we really turning to Wind Eaters?”

      And another bad phase of the matter was, that while my ever-increasing leanness was causing me so much anxiety, it was carrying joy to the heart of queen Phew-yoo who, it seems, had formed the plan of keeping me for the rest of my life in the service of her lord and master by bestowing upon me the hand of the fair princess Pouf-fâh.

      Queen Phew-yoo’s explanation of my ever-increasing thinness was, that it was the effect of the wonderful atmosphere of their island; that it mattered very little how thick and solid a man might be, if he lived long enough among them, he would gradually lose it and become, if not a genuine Wind Eater, at least almost as light and airy a being as they were.

      As I learned of these views from others before hearing them from the queen’s own lips, it was not at all a surprise for me, one day to receive a message from the stately Phew-yoo summoning me to present myself before her.

      She accorded me a very gracious reception, and princess Pouf-fâh too, showed great delight at seeing me under her mother’s roof. She bounced hither and thither like a toy balloon, now shaking perfume from dried flowers, now holding up strings of the curious gems, which I have already mentioned, and making them glisten in front of my face.

      I amused her by holding her out on the palm of my hand and tossing her up and catching her, as I would a rubber ball.

      Queen Phew-yoo looked on in mute satisfaction.

      When Princess Pouf-fâh had grown weary of play, the queen spoke as follows:

      “O, little man thick-all-through, I have to say to thee that which will gladden thy heart. The great chief, my husband, and I have noticed with joy that day by day thou art growing thinner and thinner. Know then, that this is the magical effect of the air thou breathest. When our forefathers landed on this island, they, like thee were solid all through. Therefore, be not alarmed when, a few months hence, thou findest thyself completely changed. Thou wilt, ere long, lose this heavy load of useless flesh, which thou hast been for so long a time condemned to carry about with thee, and become light and buoyant, like us. And, O beloved Lump, that thou mayest hasten the change from thy present solid form and become a graceful and hollow being like one of us, I do, with the chief Ztwish-Ztwish’s counsel and consent, accord thee permission to eat with us each day. This very hour shalt thou make thy first meal upon the sweet and wholesome wind of the South. The very moment, little Chunk, that thou hast become thin enough to suit the great chief, he will give thee the fair princess Pouf-fâh for thy wife.”

      At these words, the princess, who really seemed to be very fond of me, clapped her hands joyfully, and bounced between her mother and me like a toy football.

      “But, little Man-Lump,” continued queen Phew-yoo, “before we set out to dine on the sweet wind which blows over Banquet Hill, there are two things which the great chief Ztwish-Ztwish said I must be very particular to mention to you, the two conditions upon which he is willing to honor you above all men, by bestowing the hand of the beautiful princess Pouf-fâh upon thee.”

      “Name them, gracious queen!” I cried, for I was too wise to raise any objections at this point. I knew only too well that a single word from chief Ztwish-Ztwish would hand me over to the tender mercies of the fierce Go-Whizz.

      “They are,” resumed queen Phew-yoo, puffing out her cheeks and tapping them playfully with the backs of her thumbs, “they are, little man thick-all-through, that thou shalt file thy teeth down even with thy gums and keep thy nails always pared down to the flesh.”

      “It shall be, gracious queen, as thou desirest,” I replied, with several low bendings of my body.

      “Then,” answered queen Phew-yoo gayly, “there remains nothing for thee to do but to begin at once to accustom thyself to our food; so let us set out for Banquet Hill without delay, for the sweet south wind is blowing fresh and strong!”

      I accompanied queen Phew-yoo and princess Pouf-fâh to the place indicated. It was a beautiful knoll, from which I could look far away to southward over a valley, enchantingly fair.

      She and the princess at once began to inhale the soft, sweet air, and encouraged me to do the same.

      They were delighted with my efforts. In fact, the motherly Phew-yoo seemed a little bit anxious lest I should overeat myself.

      After the princess had taken a few deep draughts, I was surprised to see an attendant approach her and place about