go with blackies and Chinamen she will, the dirty little cow.”
Dorothy: “How much does she get each time?”
Snouter: “Tanner.”
Dorothy: “Sixpence?”
Charlie: “Bet your life. Do it for a perishing fag along towards morning.”
Mrs. McElligot: “I never took less’n a shilling, never.”
Ginger: “Kikie and me skippered in a boneyard one night. Woke up in the morning and found I was lying on a bleeding gravestone.”
The Kike: “She ain’t half got the crabs on her, too.”
Mrs. McElligot: “Michael an’ me skippered in a pigsty once. We was just a-creepin’ in, when, ‘Holy Mary!’ says Michael, ‘dere’s a pig in here!’ ‘Pig be ——!’ I says, ‘he’ll keep us warm anyway.’ So in we goes, an’ dere was an old sow lay on her side snorin’ like a traction engine. I creeps up agen her an’ puts me arms round her, an’ begod she kept me warm all night. I’ve skippered worse.”
Deafie (singing): “With my willy willy——”
Charlie: “Don’t ole Deafie keep it up? Sets up a kind of a ’umming inside of ’im, ’e says.”
Daddy: “When I was a boy we didn’t live on this ’ere bread and marg. and tea and suchlike trash. Good solid tommy we ’ad in them days. Beef stoo. Black pudden. Bacon dumpling. Pig’s ’ead. Fed like a fighting-cock on a tanner a day. And now fifty year I’ve ’ad of it on the toby. Spud-grabbing, pea-picking, lambing, turnip-topping—everythink. And sleeping in wet straw and not once in a year you don’t fill your guts right full. Well——!” (Retires within his coat.)
Mrs. McElligot: “But he was real bold, Michael was. He’d go in anywhere. Many’s de time we’ve broke into an empty house an’ kipped in de best bed. ‘Other people got homes,’ he’d say. ‘Why shouldn’t we have’m too?’ ”
Ginger (singing): “But I’m dan-cing with tears—in my eyes——”
Mr. Tallboys (to himself): “Absurnet haeres Caecuba dignior! To think that there were twenty-one bottles of Clos St. Jacques 1911 in my cellar still, that night when the baby was born and I left for London on the milk train! . . .”
Mrs. Wayne: “And as for the wreaths we ’ad sent us when our mother died—well, you wouldn’t believe! ’Uge, they was. . . .”
Mrs. Bendigo: “If I ’ad my time over again I’d marry for bloody money.”
Ginger (singing):
“But I’m dan-cing with tears—in my eyes——
Cos the girl—in my arms—isn’t you-o-ou!”
Nosy Watson: “Some of you lot think you got a bloody lot to howl about, don’t you? What about a poor sod like me? You wasn’t narked into the stir when you was eighteen year old, was you?”
The Kike: “Oh Je-e-eeeze!”
Charlie: “Ginger, you can’t sing no more’n a perishing tomcat with the guts-ache. Just you listen to me. I’ll give y’a treat. (Singing): Jesu, lover of my soul——”
Mr. Tallboys (to himself): “Et ego in Crockford. . . . With Bishops and Archbishops and with all the Company of Heaven. . . .”
Nosy Watson: “D’you know how I got in the stir the first time? Narked by my own sister—yes, my own bloody sister! My sister’s a cow if ever there was one. She got married to a religious maniac—he’s so bloody religious that she’s got fifteen kids now—well, it was him put her up to narking me. But I got back on ’em, I can tell you. First thing I done when I come out of the stir, I buys a hammer and goes round to my sister’s house, and smashed her piano to bloody matchwood. ‘There!’ I says, ‘that’s what you get for narking me! You nosing mare!’ I says.”
Dorothy: “This cold, this cold! I don’t know whether my feet are there or not.”
Mrs. McElligot: “Bloody tea don’t warm you for long, do it? I’m fair froze meself.”
Mr. Tallboys (to himself): “My curate days, my curate days! My fancywork bazaars and Morris-dances in aid of on the village green, my lectures to the Mothers’ Union—missionary work in Western China with fourteen magic lantern slides! My Boys’ Cricket Club, teetotallers only, my confirmation classes—purity lecture once monthly in the Parish Hall—my Boy Scout orgies! The Wolf Cubs will deliver the Grand Howl. Household Hints for the Parish Magazine, ‘Discarded fountain-pen fillers can be used as enemas for canaries. . . .”
Charlie (singing): “Jesu, lover of my soul——”
Ginger: “ ’Ere comes the bleeding flattie! Get up off the ground, all of you.” (Daddy emerges from his overcoat.)
The policeman (shaking the sleepers on the next bench): “Now then, wake up, wake up! Rouse up, you! Got to go home if you want to sleep. This isn’t a common lodging house. Get up, there!” etc., etc.
Mrs. Bendigo: “It’s that nosy young sod as wants promotion. Wouldn’t let you bloody breathe if ’e ’ad ’is way.”
Charlie (singing):
“Jesu, lover of my soul,
Let me to Thy bosom fly——”
The policeman: “Now then, you! What you think this is? Baptist prayer meeting? (To the Kike) Up you get, and look sharp about it!”
Charlie: “I can’t ’elp it, sergeant. It’s my toonful nature. It comes out of me natural-like.”
The policeman (shaking Mrs. Bendigo): “Wake up, mother, wake up!”
Mrs. Bendigo: “Mother! Mother, is it? Well, if I am a mother, thank God I ain’t got a bloody son like you! And I’ll tell you another little secret, constable. Next time I want a man’s fat ’ands feeling round the back of my neck, I won’t ask you to do it. I’ll ’ave someone with a bit more sex-appeal.”
The policeman: “Now then, now then! No call to get abusive, you know. We got our orders to carry out.” (Exit majestically.)
Snouter (sotto voce): “—— off, you —— son of a ——!”
Charlie (singing):
“While the gathering waters roll,
While the tempest still is ’igh!
Sung bass in the choir my last two years in Dartmoor, I did.”
Mrs. Bendigo: “I’ll bloody mother ’im! (Shouting after the policeman) ‘I! Why don’t you get after them bloody cat burglars ’stead of coming nosing round a respectable married woman?”
Ginger: “Kip down, blokes. ’E’s jacked.” (Daddy retires within his coat.)
Nosy Watson: “Wassit like in Dartmoor now? D’they give you jam now?”
Mrs. Wayne: “Of course, you can see as they couldn’t reely allow people to sleep in the streets—I mean, it wouldn’t be quite nice—and then you’ve got to remember as it’d be encouraging of all the people as haven’t got homes of their own—the kind of riff-raff, if you take my meaning. . . .”
Mr. Tallboys (to himself): “Happy days, happy days! Outings with the Girl Guides in Epping Forest—hired brake and sleek roan horses, and I on the box in my grey flannel suit, speckled straw hat and discreet layman’s neck-tie. Buns and ginger pop under the green elms. Twenty Girl Guides pious yet susceptible frisking in the breast-high bracken, and I a happy curate sporting among them, in loco parentis pinching the girls’ backsides. . . .”
Mrs. McElligot: “Well, you may talk about kippin’ down, but begod dere won’t be much sleep for my poor ole bloody bones to-night. I can’t skipper it now de way me and Michael