BBQ For Dummies. Carey Bringle

COOKING UNDER PRESSURE: COMPETING ON CHOPPED

      In 2012, I was a contestant on the Food Network’s cooking competition show Chopped. I remember it as invigorating, humbling, nerve-wracking, and fun. And I gained a healthy respect for the damage a simple shrimp head can do.

      The format of Chopped is pretty simple and pretty tough: Four chefs are given a basket of mystery ingredients and 20 minutes to make a dish that incorporates all four ingredients. The baskets for my cohorts and me included tomatillos, chayote (a thin-skinned squash), Hawaiian blue prawns, and hatch-chile-flavored taffy. I had never seen or heard of chayote, so I tasted it. It’s a bit bitter, a bit tart, and it has a pear-like consistency.

      Now that I knew what I was dealing with, I set to work. I put four prawns on the grill, then headed to the well-stocked pantry to grab cornmeal, cream, butter, tarragon, and rum. I put the corn meal in boiling water to make grits and added cream, butter, and tarragon. In the meantime, my prawns had burned, so I had to start over. I pulled off the heads of four new ones, peeled and butterflied them, and put them on the smoker.

      I threw the tomatillo and chayote into the food processor and pulsed a few times. It could be some sort of relish to go with the shrimp and grits, I thought. On to the taffy: My idea was to melt it down in the rum and use that as a glaze on the shrimp. I moved my grits and got the rum going. As I grabbed the taffy and threw it into the pan — whoosh! — the rum lit up in flames. I saw the camera guy come in for a close-up, so I tried not to act too surprised and like I meant for all this to happen. The taffy started to cook down and make a nice pink flambé.

      I pulled the prawns off the smoker and put them on the grill. This time I watched them so they didn’t burn. As I was getting ready to apply the taffy glaze, I decided that would take too long. So I put the glaze into the relish mixture in the food processor and pulsed one last time.

      I wondered what exactly I’d made, when it dawned on me that it was a chow chow — a vegetable relish. I’m from Tennessee, so this was a Tennessee chow chow with low-country shrimp and grits.

      With two and a half minutes left, I was golden. I just needed to plate the food, and I had plenty of time. I plated the grits, put a shrimp on top, and spooned on the chow chow. I felt great. And I had 30 seconds to spare, just enough time to add a garnish.

      I’d seen shrimp heads with the tentacles waving on many fancy dishes. So, the four plates each got a shrimp head next to the grits. As the countdown ended, it struck me that nice, pink shrimp heads were one thing, and raw blue shrimp heads were not only unattractive but a health hazard.

      So, yes, I was the first to go. The judges liked my dish but couldn’t get past the food-safety issue posed by the raw shrimp heads. I didn’t blame them. I hung my head and muttered “Bizzle Bap,” my catchphrase. I was certainly disappointed but also glad that I’d at least finished in time. I made a bonehead mistake, but I presented a tasty dish. I’m glad I had the experience, but I probably won’t look to repeat it anytime soon.