he's ours!
His fingers twitched. His jaws spasmed. His eyelids jerked.
At last, at last, sang a high voice. Now, now. The long time, the waiting. Over, over, sang the high voice. Over, over at last!
It was like being undersea. Green songs, green visions, green time. Bubbled voices drowning in deep liquors of sea tide. Far away choruses chanting senseless rhymes. Leonard Sale stirred in agony.
Mine, mine, cried a loud voice. Mine, mine! shrieked another. Ours, ours! shrieked the chorus.
The din of metal, the crash of sword, the conflict, the battle, the fight, the war. All of it exploding, his mind fiercely torn apart!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!
He leaped up, screaming. The landscape melted and flowed.
He leaped up, raving. What was going on?
A voice said, "I am Tylle of Rathalar. Proud Tylle, Tylle of the Blood Mound and the Death Drum. Tylle of Rathalar, Killer of Men!"
Another spoke, "I am Iorr of Wendillo, Wise Iorr, Destroyer of Infidels!"
The chorus chanted. "And we the warriors, we the steel, we the warriors, we the red blood rushing, the red blood falling, the red blood steaming in the sun—"
Leonard Sale staggered under the burden. "Go away!" he cried. "Leave me, in God's name, leave me!"
Eeeeeeeeeee, shrieked the high sound of steel hot on steel.
Silence.
* * * * *
He stood with the sweat boiling out of him. He was trembling so violently he could not stand. Insane, he thought. Absolutely insane. Raving insane. Insane.
He jerked the food kit open, did something to a chemical packet. Hot coffee was ready in an instant. He mouthed it, spilled gushes of it down his shirt. He shivered. He sucked in raw gulps of breath.
Let's be logical, he thought, sitting down heavily. The coffee seared his tongue. No record of insanity in the family for two hundred years. All healthy, well-balanced. No reason for insanity now. Shock? Silly. No shock. I'm to be rescued in six days. No shock to that. No danger. Just an ordinary planetoid. Ordinary, ordinary place. No reason for insanity. I'm sane.
Oh? cried a small metal voice within. An echo. Fading.
"Yes!" he cried, beating his fists together. "Sane!"
Hahahahahahahahahah. Somewhere a vanishing laughter.
He whirled about. "Shut up, you!" he cried.
We didn't say anything, said the mountains. We didn't say anything, said the sky. We didn't say anything, said the wreckage.
"All right then," he said, swaying. "See that you don't."
Everything was normal.
* * * * *
The pebbles were getting hot. The sky was big and blue. He looked at his fingers and saw the way the sun burned on every black hair. He looked at his boots and the dust on them. Suddenly he felt very happy because he made a decision. I won't go to sleep, he thought. I'm having nightmares, so why sleep. There's your solution.
He made a routine. From nine o'clock in the morning, which was this minute, until twelve, he would walk around and see the planetoid. He would write on a pad with a yellow pencil everything he saw. Then he would sit down and open a can of oily sardines and some canned fresh bread with good butter on it. From twelve thirty until four he would read nine chapters of War and Peace. He took the book from the wreckage, and laid it where he might find it later. There was a book of T. S. Eliot's poetry, too. That might be nice.
Supper would come at five-thirty and then from six until ten he would listen to the radio from Earth. There would be a couple of bad comedians telling jokes and a bad singer singing some song, and the latest news flashes, signing off at midnight with the UN anthem.
After that?
He felt sick.
I'll play solitaire until dawn, he thought. I'll sit up and drink hot black coffee and play solitaire, no cheating, until sunrise.
Ho ho, he thought.
"What did you say?" he asked himself.
"I said 'Ha ha'," he replied. "Some time, you'll have to sleep."
"I'm wide awake," he said.
"Liar," he retorted, enjoying the conversation.
"I feel fine," he said.
"Hypocrite," he replied.
"I'm not afraid of the night, or sleep, or anything," he said.
"Very funny," he said.
He felt bad. He wanted to sleep. And the fact that he was afraid of sleep made him want to lie down all the more and shut his eyes and curl up. "Comfy-cozy?" asked his ironic censor.
"I'll just walk and look at the rocks and the geological formations and think how good it is to be alive," he said.
"Ye gods," cried his censor. "William Saroyan!"
You'll go on, he thought, maybe one day, maybe one night, but what about the next night and the next, and the next? Can you stay awake all that time, for six nights? Until the rescue ship comes? Are you that good, that strong?
The answer was no.
What are you afraid of? I don't know. Those voices. Those sounds. But they can't hurt you, can they?
They might. You've got to face them some time. Must I? Brace up to it, old man. Chin up, and all that rot.
He sat down on the hard ground. He felt very much like crying. He felt as if life was over and he was entering new and unknown territory. It was such a deceiving day, with the sun warm; physically, he felt able and well, one might fish on such a day as this, or pick flowers or kiss a woman or anything. But in the midst of a lovely day, what did one get?
Death.
Well, hardly that.
Death, he insisted.
He lay down and closed his eyes. He was tired of messing around.
All right, he thought, if you are death, come get me. I want to know what all this damned nonsense is about.
Death came.
* * * * *
Eeeeeeeeeeeeee, said a voice.
Yes, I know, said Leonard Sale, lying there. But what else?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, said a voice.
I know that, also, said Leonard Sale, irritably. He turned cold. His mouth hung open wildly.
"I am Tylle of Rathalar, Killer of Men!"
"I am Iorr of Wendillo, Destroyer of Infidels!"
What is this place? asked Leonard Sale, struggling against horror.
"Once a mighty planet!" said Tylle of Rathalar.
"Once a place of battles!" said Iorr of Wendillo.
"Now dead," said Tylle.
"Now silent," said Iorr.
"Until you came," said Tylle.
"To give us life again," said Iorr.
You're dead, insisted Leonard Sale, flesh writhing. You're nothing but empty wind.
"We live, through you."
"And fight, through you!"
So that's it, thought Leonard Sale. I'm to be a battleground, am I?