Miles Apart. Annabel Bower

understanding to that of SIDS. This organisation is empowering women to monitor and record their baby’s movements in utero and to take action if any changes occur. Due to the work of this incredible charity and so many more, I hope over time we will change and evolve the dialogue surrounding miscarriage and stillbirth. I am optimistic that the next generation will possess both the awareness and the confidence to speak openly of any worries they have during pregnancy.

      In my first pregnancy, I spent so much time thinking about what we would name our baby, and what kind of cot and pram to buy. It seemed so important at the time, but in the greater scheme of things, such preoccupations were inconsequential and pointless. There was no mention that anything could go wrong with the pregnancy. People don’t want to burst your bubble of innocence and happy anticipation. We brush aside and bury deep the ugly reality that not all babies make it, which reinforces the taboo. Sharing is not for everyone, but we do need to give future mothers the tools to cope with what may befall them. Babies are lost and it is crucial that women in the future do not face this heartache without some prior knowledge of what is involved both physically and emotionally. We owe it to them to make sure they do not feel alone and isolated in their grief.

      If I’d had a miscarriage before doing research for this book, I would have had no idea what to do. I would probably have called my husband and my doctor, but apart from that, I would have had no idea what lay ahead, what the physical process was, or what would happen to me and my baby. I shudder at the thought that women will continue to fall down this rabbit hole of baby loss completely unaware of what it is like and without the comfort of knowing what their options are. And what I dislike even more is that people will continue to feel that their grief is unworthy and not to be shared, because this topic has such a stigma attached. By sharing our stories, we create a safe environment in which other women feel safe, hopefully giving them the confidence to tell their own stories, knowing that they will be met with understanding and support.

      Kristina Keneally, former Premier of New South Wales, tragically gave birth to her stillborn daughter Caroline in 1999. She has campaigned tirelessly since to raise public awareness about stillbirth and was instrumental in coordinating the 2019 ‘Select Senate Inquiry on Stillbirth’, which helped to secure much-needed funding for research, prevention, education and the support of bereaved parents. Kristina has spoken about the stigma and silence surrounding stillbirth: “Remaining silent has meant we don’t talk about it. It’s meant we don’t address it. It’s meant that stillbirth has been a tragedy people have suffered in silence. We viewed it as a private tragedy, not a public health problem. And it is a public health problem.”

      Baby loss as a whole seems to finally be coming out of the shadows and I can only hope this helps people talk about it more freely. That is why I tell my story. I hope other people will feel that they, too, can speak out as much or as little as they feel comfortable with. I hope they see that they won’t be dismissed as being overly emotional, self-indulgent, or too absorbed in their grief. Baby loss is a very real loss and it’s time to recognise just how significant it is and how big the ongoing effects are. We need to look after our mothers, give them the care they need, equip them with the information before and the tools after to best cope with the loss of a baby at any stage of pregnancy. It also needs to become routine practice that women are told how and when to monitor their baby’s movements and not to hesitate to report changes. At the end of this book, I have listed several charities that offer counselling services and information about pregnancy loss at various stages. There is incredible support out there and many passionate volunteers who work tirelessly to make sure people do not endure this heartache alone.