feeling well and would shortly be on my way home. Being a senior, I didn’t need to wait for someone to come pick me up when I was sick at school, so I packed up my stuff and headed up that steep hill home. I cried the whole walk back to my house.
When I arrived home, I let myself in the house and immediately called my boss to tell her that I wouldn’t be able to make it into work that afternoon. She seemed annoyed, but I didn’t really give a shit. I took my uniform off, put pajamas on, and crawled into my bed. I lay there for hours just crying. I cried and cried and cried.
I knew when my mom arrived home by the beeping sound of her activating the car alarm. When she came in the house, she must have seen my shoes and books on the floor in the living room, which prompted her to call out my name in question. Not having the will to, I didn’t answer her. I could then hear the voice of the school nurse in my living room, followed by the sound of my mother’s footsteps coming up the stairs.
By the time my mom reached me, I was a swollen, puffy mess. She came in my room and said, “Oh, Karen, what’s wrong honey?”
I simply cried in response. She tried to lay with me and console me, but I didn’t want to be comforted. I wanted to be alone, so I asked her to leave. She kept her distance for the rest of the day, for I’m sure she knew she wouldn’t be able to do anything that would make me feel better. My mom didn’t even bother calling me for dinner that night. I cried into the early hours of the morning and decided that I needed a mental health day, so I didn’t go to school. My parents usually didn’t allow me to skip school, but they figured that since the year was almost over and I had hardly missed any school that year, they let it slide. I’m sure they assumed that my depression was on account of David, but it was a combination of the guys in my life who shared that name.
This day was better than the day before. I took a shower and watched TV until it was time for me to go to work. I even ate a turkey sandwich and actually kept it down. As much as I didn’t want to go to work, I knew Matthew was on the schedule and Matthew always made things better. I couldn’t wait to see him.
Matthew and I both started our shifts at 3:30. I left my house and walked the few short blocks to the pharmacy where I worked. As I was approaching the store, he was as well, but from the opposite direction. He ran up to me and hugged me and my tears started to flow once again.
“Hey, hey, hey. Why the tears, Karen? What happened baby girl?” Matthew asked, holding me tight.
“Everything. Everything happened,” I said. Matthew listened as I cried about David and I told him how seeing David with another girl again put me back into a funk.
We were still standing in front of the store that we worked in when Matthew interrupted to tell me that we needed to clock in to work before we were considered late. As he escorted me inside the store, we both made a bee line for the back room. After punching the time clock, he asked me how my weekend in Jersey was.
I had forgotten all about my fantabulous weekend in New Jersey. I wiped my tears as I put on my work apron and name tag, and started telling Matthew all about Ramsey and how wonderful he was. I was a very animated speaker and easily expressed my emotions through my words.
“That’s great, Karen. I hope you’re going to see him again, because I haven’t seen you smile like this in a long time. Anyone who makes you smile like that needs to be in your life,” he told me.
I answered with a simple, “I don’t think so,” as my smile turned into a frown. I followed up with the story of how I never heard from Ramsey when he got home that night. I knew that I’d probably run into him some time or another when I visited upstate, but I was certain that was it.
I moped around the pharmacy for the entirety of my shift. When I got home from work that night, my dad was in his usual spot on the couch watching Wheel of Fortune.
“Hey Dad,” I said as I walked in.
“Hey sweetie,” he said. “How was work?”
“It was ok,” I answered, making my way further into the house.
“There’s a message for you on the counter,” he advised. When I wasn’t home, or if I was in the shower and someone called me, my parents would write a note and leave it for me on the counter next to the refrigerator.
I dashed into the kitchen and found the piece of paper my father had written on. The note simply read, “Ramsey from upstate called.” It was followed by his phone number.
I was excited and nervous and pissed off all at once. I didn’t know what to do. Should I call him, should I not call him, should I wait a few days like he did? Once again, Ramsey had distracted me from thinking about David, only this time, he had me stressed about himself.
I waited about an hour and decided to put my big girl pants on and call. What the hell did I have to lose? As I dialed his phone number, I could feel knots beginning to tie in my stomach.
I recognized his voice as soon as he answered the phone, and as soon as I spoke, he recognized mine. He started off by apologizing. He said that on his way home, as he approached the Bronx, he decided to stop by and see his friends since he was in the area. He said that he got home so late that night and didn’t call or beep for that reason. He explained that he had to wake up and go to school the next day and then had a baseball game at night, and then back to school today. He apologized and apologized. I didn’t want to seem like an uptight bitch, so I just said, “I was worried. If it was too late, you should have just beeped me. It wouldn’t have woken me up.”
“Next time, I promise,” he said as I was overjoyed that he was thinking that there would be a next time. He asked me how school was and if I had seen David. I vaguely told him that school was ok and that, thankfully, I didn’t run into David. I didn’t want to tell him the truth. I didn’t want to tell him that I was so sick and upset about my ex-boyfriend that I threw up in school and couldn’t bring myself to go to work. I also didn’t want him to know that my actions were partly because of him. I didn’t want him to think that I was a pathetic loser, so I just didn’t say anything.
That was the end of the talk about David. We talked on the phone that night for two hours and thirty three minutes. Our conversation was just as comfortable as it was every time that I’d been with him. It’s not always easy getting to know new people. Sometimes it’s actually just plain awkward. Getting to know Ramsey was so much fun. He was amazing. Ramsey initiated the goodbye and said he was tired and we both had to get up for school the next day. He told me he’d call me again in a few days. And he did.
The following two weeks until my graduation were grueling. Even though Ramsey was making my heart happy, every time I saw David, I felt the insecurities of the girl I’d become since Mexico. I vowed never to talk to him again.
Although my days were excruciating, my nights were amazing. Ramsey was making me smile once again, but always in the back of my mind were Lauri’s final remarks about him, that he was a junkie. Ramsey and I didn’t see each other at all, so I had no idea about anything he really did. We only spoke on the phone, so I had no choice but to believe what he told me because he had no reason to lie.
Time was now passing so quickly and my graduation party was scheduled for the week after my actual graduation. I was so excited about the party. My parents had gone all out for me and spared no expense. Now that David wouldn’t be coming, my mother suggested that I invite Ramsey, and so I did. He said that he would love to come and I was counting down the days until I would see him again.
Now, my only obstacle was Lauri. It had been weeks since we came back from Jersey and we still hadn’t spoken. Ramsey told me that he had only seen her at school and that she gave him the cold shoulder.
I had had such a shitty last couple of months, and I wanted my party to go off without a hitch. I wanted all of my family and friends, who I loved so much, to be there with me, and Lauri was included in that category. I sucked it up and dialed her phone number.
“Hello,” she said enthusiastically, not knowing who was on the other end.
“Hey stranger,” I