Clarissa Daisy Huntsman

War/Peace - Part II


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      ******

      INT. SALT LAKE CITY - AIRPORT - DAY

      (CLARISSA, EMILY, ROBYN, BUS GUY, BUS GIRL, BUS GUY'S GIRL, RUNNER)

      CLARISSA, EMILY, AND EVERYONE ELSE HAVE ARRIVED AT THE AIRPORT. CLARISSA, EMILY AND ROBYN ARE GLANCING UP AT THE DEPARTURE TIMES. MEANWHILE, SEVERAL METRES AWAY, BUS GUY IS ABOUT TO MEET HIS GIRLFRIEND . . . AND HE HAS A FRIEND WITH HIM.

      CLARISSA

      We got just over half an hour. Robyn, you have luggage so you better hurry on ahead. We don't wanna hold you up. We'll see you on the plane. Anything you want from a store? It's on us.

      ROBYN

      Oh . . . thank you. Um . . . I don't know.

      EMILY

      Can we get you surprises? Please please please.

      ROBYN

      Yeah. Thank you so much. So, I must go.

      CLARISSA

      Terminal one. Follow the signs.

      ROBYN

      Yes. Bye.

      ROBYN HURRIES OFF. HER BAGS ARE SMALL BUT CHECK-IN WILL STILL TAKE SOME TIME. CLARISSA PATS HER POCKETS.

      CLARISSA

      Ahhhhh; travelling light. Don't you love it? Passport, your phone, some Hello Kitty, and a soluble bra. We gotta get to terminal one in the next 15 minutes. That's our time limit. But first, we're finding the California Pizza Kitchen [1.]. Last time I was here, no anchovies; only artichokes and asparagus . . . but you never know. Maybe they've ordered some in . . .

      EMILY

      There's no way they'll be able to make a pizza for us in time.

      CLARISSA

      Then we get a pasta . . . or a salad. How long can it take?

      CLARISSA TAKES EMILY'S PHONE OUT OF HER POCKET. SHE DIALS A NUMBER.

      CLARISSA

      8 0 1 5 7 5 2 6 2 7. C'mon; answer, answer . . . Hi there, how are you? We've just arrived at the airport and we have a flight at 5 past 7. I'm in a hurry. Could I order a pizza over the phone? . . . Do you have anything with anchovies [2.]? . . . Never mind, artichokes [2.] will do. I'll get that one with the artichoke sauce . . . Yeah, Roasted Artichoke and Spinach. How long will that take? . . . 10 minutes. Excellent. Thank you. See you soon.

      CLARISSA PRESSES THE END-CALL BUTTON.

      EMILY

      You're pushing it. Concourse D is the totally opposite direction to terminal one.

      CLARISSA

      All good. Now - it's every girl for herself. If I miss the flight, I'll get the next one - you too. Just order the ticket online; you know my VISA number, right?

      EMILY

      Yeah, but . . .

      CLARISSA

      Sweet. But you'll be fine. We'll both make it. It's just fun to run by a time limit. How long?

      EMILY

      12 minutes.

      CLARISSA

      It's minus 12. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to retrieve some goods for Robyn. Look for the cutest things you can find. We'll meet at check-in, terminal one at 0.

      EMILY

      Minus 11 now.

      CLARISSA

      We go.

      THEY BOTH NOD AND TURN TO FACE THE BULK OF THE BODY OF THIS SNAKE OF AN AIRPORT.

      BUS GUY'S GIRL

      Who is this?

      CLARISSA AND EMILY STOP DEAD IN THEIR TRACKS. THEY TURN AROUND.

      BUS GUY

      I met her on the bus. She's so friendly. Her name's . . .

      BUS GUY'S GIRL

      I don't give a fuck what her name is! You just kissed her on the cheek . . . and you just met her?

      BUS GIRL

      Hang on! You have a girlfriend?

      BUS GUY'S GIRL

      Oh, he certainly does. Together two years, you slut!

      BUS GIRL

      Wait! I didn't know.

      BUS GUY'S GIRL

      Oh really; so this prick here failed to mention to you that he happens to be meeting his girlfriend at the airport.

      BUS GUY

      Please, . . .

      BUS GUY'S GIRL

      Don't you dare say my name you douche! You gonna play around? We're through. You and I; we're through.

      BUS GUY

      I love you.

      BUS GUY'S GIRL

      Wait! Who!? Who the fuck are you even talking to? I can't see where you're looking! Are you looking at her or me? You fuckin' piece of shit. You is fuckin' white trash; you know that!? Fuckin' white trash!

      BUS GIRL

      Yeah, dude. So much for the shy, sensitive Hugh Grant! You're a fuckin' sleaze! You know that? I'm outta here. Why don't you buy some more cologne so you come pick up some sluts on the flight? Fuck you!

      BUS GUY'S GIRL

      Bye. Have a lonely, miserable life.

      THE TWO GIRLS WALK AWAY. THE GUY STANDS UP.

      BUS GUY'S GIRL

      Don't you dare follow us. It's over. Fuck off!

      THE GUY SITS DOWN.

      CLARISSA GLANCES AT EMILY.

      CLARISSA

      Change of plan. What are we at?

      EMILY

      Minus 9.

      CLARISSA

      Give me a fifty.

      EMILY HANDS CLARISSA A FIFTY. SHE NODS AT A PASSING MAN.

      CLARISSA

      Hey mate, how are you? Look here's a fifty. I've ordered a pizza from California Pizza Kitchen. Do you know where that is?

      RUNNER

      Uh . . . yeah.

      CLARISSA

      I need you to run over there, retrieve the Artichoke and Spinach pizza and meet me at terminal one. If you do I'll give you another twenty. And you can keep all the change. Sound good?

      RUNNER

      Ok. Sure.

      CLARISSA

      In 8 minutes! Go.

      HE RUNS OFF.

      CLARISSA

      Emily, get the stuff from the store. I'm taking to this guy, ok?

      EMILY

      Ok. See you at the terminal?

      CLARISSA

      Yep.

      CLARISSA WANDERS OVER TO THE GUY FROM THE BUS. HE'S CRYING.

      CLARISSA

      Hi dude. I saw what happened.

      THE GUY LOOKS UP.

      BUS GUY

      Uh . . . I was silly. They were both so nice . . .

      CLARISSA PUTS A HAND ON HIS SHOULDER.

      CLARISSA