very thrilling or adventurous, but it covers the kinds of activity many of us have used to fill our first vacant hours when we were not at our jobs or with other nondrinking people. We know they work. We did such things as:
1 Taking walks—especially to new places, and in parks or the country. Leisurely, easy strolls, not tiring marches.
2 Reading—although some of us got pretty fidgety if we tried to read anything that demanded much concentration.
3 Going to museums and art galleries.
4 Exercising—swimming, golfing, jogging, yoga, or other forms of exercise your doctor advises.
5 Starting on long-neglected chores—cleaning out a bureau drawer, sorting papers, answering a few letters, hanging pictures, or something of the sort that we’ve been postponing. We have found it is important, though, not to overdo any of these. Planning to clean out all the closets (or the whole attic or garage or basement or apartment) sounds simple. However, after a day’s hard physical labor at it, we can wind up exhausted, dirty, not finished, and discouraged. So our advice to each other is: Cut down the plan to a manageable size. Start out, not to straighten up the kitchen or clean out those files, but simply to clean out one drawer or one folder. Do another one another day.
6 Trying a new hobby—nothing expensive or very demanding, just some pleasant, idle diversion in which we do not need to excel or win, but only to enjoy some refreshingly different moments. Many of us have picked up hobbies we’d never dreamed of before, such as bridge, macrame, the opera, tropical fish, cabinetmaking, needlework, baseball, writing, singing, crossword puzzles, cooking, bird-watching, amateur acting, leathercraft, gardening, sailing, the guitar, movies, dancing, marbles, bonsai, collecting something or other. Many of us have found we now really enjoy things that we wouldn’t even consider before.
7 Revisiting an old pastime, except you-know-what. Maybe, stored away somewhere, there is a watercolor set you haven’t touched in years, a crewel kit, an accordion, table tennis or backgammon equipment, a tape collection, or notes for a novel. For some of us, it has been rewarding to dig these out, dust them off, and try having a go at them again. If you decide they’re not for you any more, get rid of them.
8 Taking a course. Have you always wished you could speak Swahili or Russian? Enjoy history or math? Understand archaeology or anthropology? Correspondence courses, instruction on public television, or adult classes (for pleasure, not necessarily for credit) that meet about once a week are usually available somewhere. Why not give one a try? Many of us have found that such a course can not only add a fresh dimension to life, but also lead to a whole new career. If studying gets to be a drag, though, don’t hesitate to drop it. You have the right to change your mind and quit anything that is more of a hassle than it’s worth. Being “a quitter” can take courage and make very good sense if we’re quitting something that is not good for us, or adds no positive, pleasurable, or healthy new facet to our life.
9 Volunteering to do some useful service. Many, many hospitals, children’s agencies, churches, and other institutions and organizations desperately need volunteers for all kinds of activity. The choice is wide, from reading to the blind to sealing envelopes for a church mailing or gathering signatures on a political petition. Check with any nearby hospital, church, governmental agency, or civic club to find out what volunteer services are needed in your community. We’ve found we feel much better about ourselves when we contribute even a small service for the benefit of our fellow human beings. Even the act of investigating the possibilities of such service is in itself informative and interesting.
10 Doing something about your personal appearance. Most of us let ourselves go pretty much. A new haircut, some new clothes, new glasses, or even new teeth have a marvelously cheering effect. Often, we had been intending to get around to something like that, and the months when we first started staying sober seemed a good time to look into it.
11 Taking a fling at something frivolous! Not everything we do has to be an earnest effort at self-improvement, although any such effort is worthwhile and gives a lift to our self-esteem. Many of us find it important to balance serious periods with things we do for pure fun. Do you like balloons? Zoos? Bubble gum? Marx Brothers movies? Soul music? Reading sci-fi or detective stories? Sunbathing? Snowmobiling? If not, find something else nonalcoholic that rewards you with nothing but sheer enjoyment, and have some “dry” fun. You deserve it.
12 __________________________________________________________________ Fill this one in for yourself. Let’s hope the list above sparked an idea for you which is different from all of those listed.... It did? Good! Go to it.
One word of caution, though. Some of us find we have a tendency to go overboard, and try too many things at once. We have a good brake for that, which you’ll read about in Chapter 18. It’s called “Easy Does It.”
7 Using the Serenity Prayer
On the walls of thousands of A.A. meeting rooms, in any of a variety of languages, this invocation can be seen:
God grant me the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
A.A. did not originate it. Versions of it seem to have been used for centuries in various faiths, and it is now widely current outside A.A., as well as within the Fellowship. Whether we belong to this church or that, whether we are humanists, agnostics, or atheists, most of us have found these words a wonderful guide in getting sober, staying sober, and enjoying our sobriety. Whether we see the Serenity Prayer as an actual prayer or just as a fervent wish, it offers a simple prescription for a healthy emotional life.
We’ve put one thing right at the head of the list among “the things we cannot change”: our alcoholism. No matter what we do, we know that tomorrow we won’t suddenly be nonalcoholic—any more than we’ll be ten years younger or six inches taller.
We couldn’t change our alcoholism. But we didn’t say meekly, “All right, I’m an alcoholic. Guess I’ll just have to drink myself to death.” There was something we could change. We didn’t have to be drunk alcoholics. We could become sober alcoholics. Yes, that did take courage. And we needed a flash of wisdom to see that it was possible, that we could change ourselves.
For us, that was only the first, most obvious use for the Serenity Prayer. The further away we get from the last drink, the more beautiful and the more packed with meaning these few lines become. We can apply them to everyday situations, the kind we used to run away from, into the bottle.
By way of example: “I hate this job. Do I have to stick with it, or can I quit?” A little wisdom comes into play: “Well, if I do quit, the next few weeks or months may be rough, but if I have the guts to take it—‘the courage to change’—I think I’ll wind up in a better spot.”
Or the answer may be: “Let’s face it—this is no time for me to go job-hunting, not with a family to support. Besides, here I am six weeks sober, and my A.A. friends say I’d better not start making any drastic changes in my life just yet—better concentrate on not taking that first drink, and wait till I get my head straightened out. Okay, I can’t change the job right now. But maybe I can change my own attitude. Let’s see. How can I learn to accept the job serenely?”
That word “serenity” looked like an impossible goal when we first saw the prayer. In fact, if serenity meant apathy, bitter resignation, or impassive endurance, then we didn’t even want to aim at it. But we found that serenity meant no such thing. When it comes to us now, it is more as plain recognition—a clear-eyed, realistic way of seeing the world, accompanied by inner peace and strength. Serenity is like a gyroscope that lets us keep our balance no matter what turbulence swirls around us. And that is a state of mind worth aiming for.
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