Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. Tom Stoppard

You said something—about getting caught up in the action—

      PLAYER (gaily freeing himself) I did!—I did!—You’re quicker than your friend . . . (Confidingly.) Now for a handful of guilders I happen to have a private and uncut performance of The Rape of the Sabine Women—or rather woman, or rather Alfred—(Over his shoulder.) Get your skirt on, Alfred—

      The Boy starts struggling into a female robe.

      . . . and for eight you can participate.

      Guil backs, Player follows.

      . . . taking either part.

      Guil backs.

      . . . or both for ten.

      Guil tries to turn away, Player holds his sleeve.

      . . . with encores—

      Guil smashes the Player across the face. The Player recoils. Guil stands trembling.

      (Resigned and quiet). Get your skirt off, Alfred. . . .

      Alfred struggles out of his half-on robe.

      GUIL (shaking with rage and fright) It could have been—it didn’t have to be obscene. . . . It could have been—a bird out of season, dropping bright-feathered on my shoulder. . . . It could have been a tongueless dwarf standing by the road to point the way. . . . I was prepared. But it’s this, is it? No enigma, no dignity, nothing classical, portentous, only this—a comic pornographer and a rabble of prostitutes. . . .

      PLAYER (acknowledging the description with a sweep of his hat, bowing; sadly) You should have caught us in better times. We were purists then. (Straightens up.) On-ward.

      The Players make to leave.

      ROS (his voice has changed: he has caught on) Excuse me!

      PLAYER Ha-alt!

      They halt.

      A-al-l-fred!

      Alfred resumes the struggle. The Player comes forward.

      ROS You’re not—ah—exclusively players, then?

      PLAYER We’re inclusively players, sir.

      ROS So you give—exhibitions?

      PLAYER Performances, sir.

      ROS Yes, of course. There’s more money in that, is there?

      PLAYER There’s more trade, sir.

      ROS Times being what they are.

      PLAYER Yes.

      ROS Indifferent.

      PLAYER Completely.

      ROS You know I’d no idea—

      PLAYER No—

      ROS I mean, I’ve heard of—but I’ve never actually—

      PLAYER No.