Worms the philosopher?
ALEXANDER No, just worms.
VARVARA I mean Miss Chamberlain, qu'est-ce qu'ele a dit? [What did she say?]
RENNE Ah, the philosophy of worms.
VARENKA Elle l'a félicitée, Maman, c'est tout. [Good effort, Maman, that's all.]
ALEXANDER Not at all. Worms have no philosophy, as far as is known.
VARVARA How can you teach them anything if you can't talk to them?
ALEXANDER Exactly.
MISS CHAMBERLAIN I'm so sorry, what did your mother say?
ALEXANDRA (in English’) ‘No lessons tomorrow, she said, holiday.’
MISS CHAMBERLAIN I think not, see me afterwards.
ALEXANDER That's enough English for now. Anyway, a wife who knows English is not the first consideration for an officer in the Cavalry, otherwise you'd be better off with the governess—No, I only have one serious objection to this marriage, my dear Baron—
DAUGHTERS Oh, no!—What's he going to say next?!—Don't you listen, Liubov!—Father, don't—!
VARVARA (raps the table) Enough!
ALEXANDER Thank you. What was I saying? Oh, well, it's gone.
RENNE Actually, I have to be going myself while there's still light in the sky, if you forgive me, it's a good ride back to camp—
VARVARA Yes, you must, it wouldn't do to break your neck before the happy day, or after, of course.
Noises of arrival and greeting are heard.
ALEXANDER What's going on?
RENNE A thousand thanks—(for Liubov, gallantly)—a thousand and one—
VARENKA Someone's come.
SEMYON (entering) It's Michael, sir, large as life! He's come home!
MICHAEL BAKUNIN is nineteen, in uniform. His entry causes an excited and emotional reunion, as ‘the table’ breaks up.
FAMILY Michael!—Oh my, look at you!—Why didn't you let us know?—So grown up! Look at his uniform!—Let me kiss you!—You're not in trouble, are you? I prayed and prayed for you—How long are you staying?—
MICHAEL No, I'm on leave—I came straight from summer exercises!—
ALEXANDER It's my boy, he's an ensign in the Artillery.
RENNE Of course—the famous Michael.
LIUBOV (to Renne) Thank you for your visit, I'm sorry my family is …
RENNE Oh no, you're all so … wonderfully unrussian …
MICHAEL And congratulations are in order, I believe. Do I have the honour … ?
LIUBOV Baron Renne—I present my brother Michael—
RENNE You have been at the Artillery School in Peter?
ALEXANDRA For five years!
ALEXANDER (to Miss Chamberlain) Run and tell Semyon to bring champagne. ‘Command Semyon to provision—’
MISS CHAMBERLAIN (running out) Champagne, champagne, I understand—
TATIANA Our English governess, do you think she's pretty?
MICHAEL No, I think you're pretty.
RENNE (tapping his glass) Ladies and gentlemen! (addressing Michael) The Cavalry drinks to the Artillery. But a family reunion is a sacred affair, and I was just saying good night—regimental duties, who understands better than you? So farewell! I embrace you, and am proud to call you brother!
Applause from the family. Michael and Renne shake hands and embrace.
ALEXANDER Good! Come along, we'll give you a proper send-off. Semyon!—Pavel!—one of you—his horse—the Baron is leaving!—
A general exodus begins.
ALEXANDER (cont.) (remembering) Ah, yes. That was it. I have only one serious doubt about this marriage—
LIUBOV (tearfully) Father …
VARENKA (to Liubov) It's a joke.
ALEXANDER … and that is the difference in your ages.
RENNE But I'm only thirty-six!
ALEXANDER A good ten years too young for her! The husband should be at least twice the age of the wife.
VARVARA But you're not.
ALEXANDER Not now, of course. (to Renne) Beauty before brains.
ALEXANDRA Are you coming, Michael?
TATIANA (hanging back) Yes, he's coming.
MICHAEL (to Liubov) Do you want to see him off without everybody … ?
LIUBOV (hastily) No, no, let's all go.
ALEXANDER Family on parade! … Handkerchiefs for waving and weeping—(to Renne) My wife was eighteen and I was forty-two. See my point?—just when the wife starts getting a mind to kick over the traces, she realises she only has to show a little patience …
Michael, Varenka and Tatiana are left alone.
MICHAEL Well! He won't do! Liubov doesn't love him, that's obvious.
VARENKA We know that.
TATIANA She won't go against Papa, and the Baron is a good match, isn't he?
Semyon enters with a tray of champagne glasses, and Miss Chamberlain with a bottle. Voices outside: ‘Tatiana! Michael! And where's Varenka?’
MICHAEL Thank you, Semyon. Leave us be.
Semyon leaves deferentially. Miss Chamberlain, unwisely, approaches gushing.
MISS CHAMBERLAIN So you are Michael.
MICHAEL ‘Go away, please.’
Miss Chamberlain gasps. The girls are shocked and admiring. Miss Chamberlain runs out. From outside ‘Varenka!’ is called. Varenka runs out.
MICHAEL (cont.) I'm speaking of love and you are speaking of matchmaking. Tata, Tata, don't you know? Dawn has broken! In Germany the sun is already high in the sky! It's only us in poor behind-the-times Russia who are the last to learn about the great discovery of the age! The life of the Spirit is the only real life: our everyday existence stands between us and our transcendence to the Universal Idea where we become one with the Absolute! Do you see?
TATIANA (desperately) Tell it to me in German.
MICHAEL This marriage cannot take place. We must save Liubov. To give oneself without love is a sin against the inner life. The outer world of material existence