Love. Anne Marie Pahuus

this several centuries ago in the Pensées, a note-based volume of his thoughts published posthumously in 1670. Here, playing on the word raison, he famously phrases how choices of the heart have their own impenetrable reasoning. Like its English sister, raison has two basic meanings: cause, and common sense. Hence his famous quote, “The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know.”

      The inscrutability of love does not mean love is limited to an inner realm inaccessible to others. Even so, what typifies the choices we make on behalf of love is that we put ourselves at risk, at stake – we give ourselves over to someone else. This act of surrender expresses wishes and desires that often surprise us, and others.

      Wishful thinking in love is not always symmetrical. Far from it.

Love is not always returned in kind. Some give themselves over in a way the other person cannot reciprocate. We must sometimes ignore an appeal for mutual surrender if it is awkward, inconvenient, emotionally draining. Yes, we may be failing to appreciate a valuable thing, but had we embarked on a relationship without the warm feelings that requires, we would be making a personal sacrifice that was not in the best interest of the other. Acting out of pity or for the sake of convenience makes both parties unfree.

      With all this in mind, initially it is fair to define love as warm feelings that are cultivated through a certain amount of wilful exertion. We can also acknowledge that giving ourselves over to another person creates powerful ties that bind our choices and our will to that other person, making us responsible for them. Finally, we can establish that love can be mutual and reciprocal, although that is not always the case.