For fear my Husband should use Kerosene,
And, without warning, be transported Higher.
Ah, with the Coffee all my Years provide!
Its chemicals may turn me green Inside,
But all my Fears are Scattered to the Winds
When o’er the fragrant Pot I can Preside.
I blame our Mother Eve, who did mistake
Her Job, and flirted Somewhat with the Snake,
For all the Errors of the Flaky Roll,
For all the Terrors of the Buckwheat Cake.
A glass of Creamy Milk just from the Cow,
Or Buttermilk, drawn from the Goat, I trow,
And thou across the Festal Board from Me,
A Six-Room Flat were Paradise enow!
Some for a Patent Bread that will not Crumb,
And nary Bite of Cereal for Some—
Ah, take the Coffee! Let all else go by
Nor heed the Thick White Fur upon the Tongue.
Look to the Human Wrecks about us: lo,
About their Indigestion how they Blow,
And lay the Blame on Coffee, crystal Clear,
Or say the Crisp Hot Muffin is their Foe!
And those who chew and chew upon the Grain,
Have got so used to Chewing, they are Fain
To Dwell upon their Health Food in their Talk
And presently their Neighbors go Insane.
FOOT-NOTES
1. The author began with the intention of adapting the entire Rubaiyat to kitchen purposes, but thought better of it just in time to head off the Lyric Muse, who was coming at full gallop, with her trunk.
2. Those who do not like The Kitchen Rubaiyat will doubtless be glad there is no more of it.
3. Those who do like it can begin at the beginning and read it again. The rest of it would be about like this installment, anyway.
P. S. If the demand is great enough, the rest of it may appear in another book.
P. S. 2. The publisher of this book has an unalterable prejudice against printing poetry, but he allowed The Kitchen Rubaiyat to slip by without question.
P. S. 3. ?
FRUITS IN SEASON
| Apples | All the year. |
| Apricots | July 20 to August 20. |
| Bananas | All the year. |
| Blackberries | July 1 to August 15. |
| Cherries | June 1 to July 15. |
| Currants, Red and White | July 1 to August 15. |
| Figs, dried | All the year. |
| Figs, bag | October and November. |
| Gooseberries | July. |
| Grapes, Concord | August 20 to November 15. |
| “ Malaga | November to March. |
| “ California | December to March. |
| Grapefruit | October to July. |
| Green Gage Plums | August 1 to September 15. |
| Huckleberries | July and August. |
| Melons, Musk, Water, Cantaloupe | July 15 to October 15. |
| Oranges | December to May. |
| Peaches | August and September. |
| Pears | August and September. |
| Pineapples | June to September. |
| Plums, Blue | September. |
| Quinces | September, October, and November. |
| Rhubarb | April to September. |
| Raspberries, Black and Red | July and August. |
| Strawberries | May and June. |
| Tangerines | November to February. |
The above table, of course, is only a rough outline, as seasons and localities vary so much. The tendency, too, is to extend the season of every fruit indefinitely, as transporting and refrigerating methods improve. Fruit out of season is always expensive, and often unripe and unsatisfactory. Fortunately, when it is at its best it is always abundant and at the lowest price.
Among the dried fruits may be mentioned Prunelles, Apricots, Apples, Blackberries, Cherries, Nectarines, Peaches, peeled and unpeeled, Pears, Plums, Raspberries, Prunes, Figs, and Dates. Canned fruits which may be used for breakfast, with proper preparation, are Pears, Peaches, Apricots, Cherries, Plums, and Pineapples.
Dried fruits may be soaked over night in the water in which they are to be cooked, and simmered slowly, until they are tender, with little sugar or none at all. They may also be steamed, either with or without sugar, omitting the soaking, until tender enough for a straw to pierce. Combinations of dried fruits are often agreeable, and a few raisins will sometimes add a pleasant flavor.
Canned fruits intended for breakfast should be drained and very thoroughly rinsed in cold water, then allowed to stand for some hours in a cool place.
Many of the fruits, both dried and fresh, combine well with cereals. Care must be taken, however, to follow such acid fruits as Currants, Cherries, Oranges, and Grapefruit, with meat or egg dishes, omitting the cereal, as the starch and acid are very likely to fight with each other when once inside, to the inconvenience of the non-combatant. A fruit which for any reason tastes “flat” can be instantly improved in flavor and tonic quality by a sprinkle of lemon-juice.
Below are given different ways of preparing fruit for the breakfast table.
APPLES