Glass Montague

The Competitive Nephew


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got to wear it. If you are coming to compare clothing with toilet soap for a business, Meiselson, there ain't no more comparison as gold and putty."

      Meiselson remained silent.

      "Furthermore," Shimko continued, "if Zamp sees a young feller like you, which even your worst enemy must got to admit it, Meiselson, you are a swell dresser, and make a fine, up-to-date appearance, understand me, he would maybe reconsider his decision not to take a partner."

      "Did he say he wouldn't take a partner?" Meiselson asked hopefully.

      "He says to me so sure as you are sitting there: 'Mr. Shimko, my dear friend, if it would be for your sake, I would willingly go as partners together with some young feller,' he says; 'but when a business man is making money,' he says, 'why should he got to got a partner?' he says. So I says to him: 'Zamp,' I says, 'here is a young feller which he is going to get married to a young lady by the name Miss Babette Schick.'"

      "She ain't so young no longer," Meiselson broke in ungallantly.

      "'By the name Miss Babette Schick,'" Shimko continued, recognizing the interruption with a malevolent glare, "'which she got, anyhow, a couple thousand dollars,' I says; 'and for her sake and for my sake,' I says, 'if I would bring the young feller around here, would you consent to look him over?' And he says for my sake he would consent to do it, but we shouldn't go around there till next week."

      "All right," Meiselson said; "if you are so dead anxious I should do so, I would go around next week."

      "Say, lookyhere, Meiselson," Shimko burst out angrily, "don't do me no favours! Do you or do you not want to go into a good business? Because, if you don't, say so, and I wouldn't bother my head further."

      "Sure I do," Meiselson said.

      "Then I want to tell you something," Shimko continued. "We wouldn't wait till next week at all. With the business that feller does, delays is dangerous. If we would wait till next week, some one offers him a good price and buys him out, maybe. To-morrow afternoon, two o'clock, you and me goes over to his store, understand me, and we catches him unawares. Then you could see for yourself what a business that feller is doing."

      Meiselson shrugged.

      "I am agreeable," he said.

      "Because," Shimko went on, thoroughly aroused by Meiselson's apathy, "if you're such a fool that you don't know it, Meiselson, I must got to tell you. Wunst in a while, if a business man is going to get a feller for partner, when he knows the feller is coming around to look the business over, he plants phony customers round the store, and makes it show up like it was a fine business, when in reality he is going to bust up right away."

      "So?" Meiselson commented, and Shimko glared at him ferociously.

      "You don't appreciate what I am doing for you at all," Shimko cried. "I wouldn't telephone the feller or nothing that we are coming, understand me? We'll take him by surprise."

      Meiselson shrugged.

      "Go ahead and take him by surprise if you want to," he said wearily. "I am willing."

      In point of fact, Isaac Meiselson was quite content to remain in the soap and perfumery trade, and it was only by dint of much persuasion on Miss Babette Schick's part that he was prevailed upon to embark in a more lucrative business. It seemed a distinct step downward when he compared the well-nigh tender methods employed by him in disposing of soap and perfumery to the proprietresses of beauty parlours, with the more robust salesmanship in vogue in the retail clothing business; and he sighed heavily as he contemplated the immaculate ends of his finger-nails, so soon to be sullied by contact with the fast-black, all-wool garments in Zamp's clothing store.

      "Also, I would meet you right here," Shimko concluded, "at half-past one sharp to-morrow."

      After the conclusion of his interview with Isaac Meiselson, Shimko repaired immediately to Zamp's tailoring establishment, and together they proceeded to the office of Mr. Boris Klinkowitz, manager of the Olympic Gardens, on Rivington Street. Shimko explained the object of their business, and in less than half an hour the resourceful Klinkowitz had engaged a force of cutters, salesmen, and customers sufficient to throng Harry Zamp's store for the entire day.

      "You would see how smooth the whole thing goes," Klinkowitz declared, after he had concluded his arrangements. "The cutters is genu-ine cutters, members from a union already, and the salesmen works for years by a couple concerns on Park Row."

      "And the customers?" Zamp asked.

      "That depends on yourself," Klinkowitz replied. "If you got a couple real bargains in sample garments, I wouldn't be surprised if the customers could be genu-ine customers also. Two of 'em works here as waiters, evenings, and the other three ain't no bums, neither. I called a dress-rehearsal at your store to-morrow morning ten o'clock."

      On the following day, when Mr. Shimko visited his tenant's store, he rubbed his eyes.

      "Ain't it wonderful?" he exclaimed. "Natural like life!"

      "S-s-sh!" Zamp exclaimed.

      "What's the matter, Zamp?" Shimko whispered.

      Zamp winked.

      "Only the cutters and the salesmen showed up," he replied.

      "Well, who are them other fellows there?" Shimko asked.

      "How should I know?" Zamp said hoarsely. "A couple of suckers comes in from the street, and we sold 'em the same like anybody else."

      Here the door opened to admit a third stranger. As the two "property" salesmen were busy, Zamp turned to greet him.

      "Could you make me up maybe a dress suit mit a silk lining?" the newcomer asked.

      "What are you so late for?" Zamp retorted. "Klinkowitz was here schon an hour ago already."

      The stranger looked at Zamp in a puzzled fashion.

      "What are you talking about—Klinkowitz?" he said. "I don't know the feller at all."

      Zamp gazed hard at his visitor, and then his face broke into a broad, welcoming smile.

      "Excuse me," he said. "I am making a mistake. Do you want a French drape, oder an unfinished worsted?"

      For the next thirty minutes a succession of customers filled the store, and when at intervals during that period Klinkowitz's supernumeraries arrived, Zamp turned them all away.

      "What are you doing, Zamp?" Shimko exclaimed. "At two o'clock the store would be empty!"

      "Would it?" Zamp retorted, as he eyed a well-dressed youth who paused in front of the show-window. "Well, maybe it would and maybe it wouldn't; and, anyhow, Mr. Shimko, if there wouldn't be no customers here, we would anyhow got plenty of cutting to do. Besides, Shimko, customers is like sheep. If you get a run of 'em, one follows the other."

      For the remainder of the forenoon the two salesmen had all the customers they could manage; and as Shimko watched them work, his face grew increasingly gloomy.

      "Say, lookyhere, Zamp," he said; "you are doing here such a big business, where do I come in?"

      "What d'ye mean, where do you come in?" Zamp asked.

      "Why the idee is mine you should get in a couple salesmen and cutters," Shimko began, "and——"

      "What d'ye mean, the idee is yours?" Zamp rejoined. "Ain't I got a right to hire a couple salesmen and cutters if I want to?"

      "Yes, but you never would have done so if I ain't told it you," Shimko said. "I ought to get a rake-off here."

      "You should get a rake-off because my business is increasing so I got to hire a couple salesmen and cutters!" Zamp exclaimed. "What an idee!"

      Shimko paused. After all, he reflected, why should he quarrel with Zamp? At two o'clock, when he expected to return with Meiselson, if the copartnership were consummated, he would collect 10 per cent. of the copartnership funds as