sponsor explained that it was best for me to call him with my problems and not to use up the group’s time to vent all my feelings. He told me that it was OK to share about a problem no more than three times at a meeting. And I needed to try and share what kind of a solution I was going to be applying to the problem. He wanted me to get away from wallowing in my problem with its accompanying self-pity. Sometimes he would just ask, “What Step are you on?”
It does take some courage to interrupt someone when they wander off track, but in the long run it’s best for the group. In my case, it was best for me in the long run, too.
There are times, however, when interruptions in meetings are not necessarily for the good of AA. All too often I see a meeting interrupted with shouts of “Who are you?” when someone sharing inadvertently forgets to properly identify themselves. To me, this shows a lack of compassion and patience. Interruptions should be few and far between, such as when someone is disrupting the group. It’s actually best to talk to someone after the meeting, so that they are not made to feel less than.
If you’re ever in the Roseburg, Oregon area please stop in for a visit to my home group, the Brown Bag Group. It meets Monday through Friday at noon. You’ll be made to feel welcome and will probably be asked to share. Newcomers are always welcome.
Ken T.
Tenmile, Oregon
Unity Disrupted
January 1998
I will never forget the first time I really understood the meaning of Tradition One and how important our common welfare was to me personally. I was sitting in my home group meeting one morning a little after 7 A.M., not quite awake but aware that I was safe and among friends. These were the people who’d been there for me as I learned how to stay sober and live a life of love and service. Through the sharing of their own experience, I’ve learned the spiritual principles of the Steps and Traditions.
My home group is a large group that meets six days a week, has a lot of long-term sobriety and a very strong service structure. The monthly home group meetings (what we call business meetings) are often focused on what we can do to better carry the AA message to the newcomer. We celebrate birthdays by giving away AA literature and Grapevine. The minority is respected and encouraged to speak. As a result of this concerted effort to examine ourselves, our group continued to grow and prosper and attract newcomers.
That morning, a fellow (a new face) stood and began to hold forth, to preach really, about the Bible. Suddenly, I was no longer in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous but in a revival meeting. I was extremely uncomfortable and fearful. I wanted to say something, to interrupt him, but either I couldn’t figure out a way to do it so as not to embarrass him or myself or I didn’t have the courage. So I sat there looking at my feet, feeling miserable and hoping that any newcomers in the room would somehow know that this was not the message of AA.
After a few minutes, a member of the group interrupted the man—rather gruffly everyone later agreed—and told him that this was an AA meeting and that we really didn’t want to hear about the Bible, and he asked him to sit down. The room heaved a silent and collective sigh of relief. Thank goodness someone had thought more of the group, thought more of our common welfare than of his own ego, and had the courage to speak up. There were a few seconds of awkward silence before the chairperson quickly called on someone else and the meeting got back on its normal footing.
Naturally, this incident was a topic of much discussion at the next home group meeting. It provided the basis for a lengthy discussion about Tradition One and how we could deal with disruptive people in the future. We all worried that telling someone that their sharing wasn’t appropriate might jeopardize their sobriety. If embarrassed they might go out and drink. Others felt strongly that the welfare of the group as a whole was more important and that we had a responsibility to the newcomer to carry the message of AA. If our group failed in our primary purpose, newcomers would not be attracted to our meetings or worse yet, would not stay.
The result of this discussion was increased unity for the group. Everyone had their say and in the end we agreed that our common welfare as a group must come first. We would do our best to lovingly explain Tradition One to anyone who disrupted the group.
To participate in God’s will through the group conscience process was a tremendous spiritual experience to me. I understood that in being a member of AA and of my home group, I was a part of something much greater than I was. For this I am truly grateful. The principle of putting AA’s welfare above my own self-interest teaches me humility and self-sacrifice. These are principles that do not come naturally to a “me-first” alcoholic. But it’s a tremendous way to live.
Anonymous
Maui, Hawaii
It Only Takes Two
July 1997
(From Dear Grapevine)
I live in a remote town here in the Yukon Territories. Watson Lake boasts a population of about 1,700 residents. Our nearest city is Whitehorse, over 280 miles away, where two-thirds of the Yukon’s population lives.
My home group has one meeting a week. Attendance is minimal. Sometimes I feel that because the same few people show up, my spirituality becomes deadened. Not often is there any new input into the group. Living in a small town doesn’t readily lend itself to change, so it’s easy to become complacent. In addition, our active involvement in AA as a whole is very restricted. Yet because I’ve decided to go to any length to stay sober, I’m always grateful for our Monday night meeting. The scarcity of our members and the lack of more meetings just makes me more aware of the true meaning of Tradition One: “Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity.”
The Watson Lake group started with two dedicated members who faithfully attended each week for the first year and a half. These members set a fine example for me; they are living proof that it only takes two to have a meeting.
Living here in the Yukon, which is above the national average in alcohol consumption, I feel blessed to be a member of the Monday night meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous in Watson Lake. I want to thank each and every member for my sobriety.
Susan W.
Watson Lake, Yukon Territories
Growing Pains
January 1998
The principle that “our common welfare comes first but that individual welfare follows close afterward,” as expressed in the long form of Tradition One, was brought home to me in my early sobriety.
The Kihei Morning Serenity group (KMS) on Maui began in 1982 with a Friday morning meeting at 7 A.M. Originally held in an elementary school, KMS soon moved to a small public library in a group of community buildings consisting of an open hall, a cafeteria, an office and a tiny church across the common.
When KMS moved to the library, we met around one table in a corner, penned in by books. In Maui’s young AA Fellowship, meetings of four or five people were very common and six or eight chairs usually sufficed, with a couple more available from the librarian’s office if the meeting overflowed. In just a few months, however, an influx of newcomers and a few folks who had moved to Maui, brought KMS a bigger crowd. Some mornings it was as many as 20 people. Seeing a need, we expanded to Mondays as well. Eventually we had people sitting on the sills of the open windows and on the floor between the stacks on both days.
Soon, some long-timers joined with the new arrivals in calling for a change of meeting halls to accommodate the growing throng. A couple of enterprising members spoke with the pastor of the church across the common about the use of the hall behind the church. There was some concern on the congregation’s part about overuse since meetings already met there on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday evenings. However, they decided that renting their facilities to twelve-step groups was part of their mission, and they voted to allow us use of the hall.
When