Maxim Titovets

TWO PLAYS. MAIDEN FOREST. THE ADVENTURES OF YUMI


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quickly takes them off.] No. Ivan doesn’t know anything.

      Natalia. It’s for the best. You will tell him the good news when it’s all over.

      Khlora. He swears by God that he loves me. A funny little fellow.

      Natalia. Think about your future, Khlora.

      Khlora. No one ever loved me.

      Natalia. You’ve got a chance to hit the jackpot.

      Khlora. They all just used me.

      Natalia. Soon you will take everything you ever wanted from life and even more!

      Khlora. But Ivan loves me.

      Natalia. He does, he does. And he will love your baby too.

      Khlora. I will help Ivan. I’ll only do it for our baby. Not for the sake of money. But for the sake of our brighter future.

      Chopper and Slav enter.

      Chopper. [To Natalia.] So?

      Natalia. All good.

      Chopper. It’s time.

      Slav. [To Natalia.] Mind you don’t screw up.

      Natalia. Not my first rodeo.

      Chopper. [Taking out his phone and making a call.] Frost, the whores are ready.

      Everyone leaves.

      Scene 5

      Late evening. Fyodor Kolosov’s summer cottage. Solar-powered lanterns light up the paths. There is a light in the windows of the first floor covered by curtains. The summer terrace is illuminated by the warm light of a Chinese lantern.

      Venya is sitting at the table on the terrace. Khlora is standing next to him with a glass in her hands. There are shish-kebabs, snacks, and bottles with beverages on the table.

      Venya. I am so glad you came back to us, Khlora.

      Khlora. Pour me some more wine.

      Venya. [Pouring himself and Khlora more wine.] I already got pretty pickled though.

      Khlora. Your friend has a beautiful house.

      Venya. Fyodor always had a good taste in everything. You should see his beer mug collection!

      Khlora. Are you married?

      Venya. I’m playing the field.

      Khlora. Do you make a lot of money?

      Venya. It’s never too much money. All I want is to retire as soon as possible and go on a round-the-world trip.

      Khlora. So you are a romantic.

      Venya. A while back a desire sparked inside of me. And I am willing to change my life dramatically for the sake of it.

      Khlora snuggles up to Venya.

      Venya. Fyodor spared me a room on the second floor, shall we?

      Venya takes the bottle of wine and glasses and goes to the house together with Khlora. Fyodor comes out of the house with a bath cap on his head and a towel on his shoulder.

      Fyodor. You sure you don’t want to go?

      Khlora. We’ll do that some other time.

      Venya. I had enough bathing for today.

      Fyodor. Well, it’s up to you.

      Venya. [To Khlora.] These jokers doused me with the well water. I’ve still got a rasped throat.

      Fyodor. Cold training never hurt nobody, Venya. Bless you!

      Venya and Khlora go inside. A few minutes later, the light shines through a window of the second floor. Fyodor sits down at the table in the gazebo, pours beer into a big jug, and drinks it with relish. Alexey and Natalia are walking along the path from the direction of the banya. They are fresh-faced and wear bathrobes. Fyodor notices them, takes two mugs, and fills them with beer.

      Fyodor. I hope you enjoyed your bath!

      Alexey. Thanks, mate.

      Natalia. Your banya is wonderful.

      Alexey. I adore women who are fond of taking a steam-bath.

      Natalia. And I respect men who adore women.

      Fyodor. Let’s drink to friendship and understanding!

      The three of them clink their mugs and drink beer.

      Alexey. It’s so nice here!

      Fyodor. So nice here, so nice here, go and grab another beer.

      Alexey. I threw some more wood in the stove. The temperature there is just as you like it, Fyodor.

      Fyodor. Alright. I’ll go now. Remember me kindly.

      Natalia. See ya.

      Fyodor walks along the path towards the banya, humming an unsophisticated melody.

      Alexey. Let’s do it again in about an hour. [He wraps his arms around Natalia’s waist and holds her tight.]

      Natalia. You seem to be in a good shape, Alexey.

      Alexey. I remember! I remember now where I’ve seen you.

      Natalia pulls away from Alexey.

      Alexey. A few years ago, there was this Passion Empire massage parlor. It was the time when I was reelected and hit the bottle.

      Pause.

      Natalia. I recognized you at once this morning, Mister Deputy. Have I really changed so much?

      Alexey. But that was another life.

      Natalia. I don’t remember. I don’t.

      Alexey. «I sought my love in the maiden forest. With a mocking singer, I spent the night in a stack.»

      Natalia. Let it be our little secret. [She kisses Alexey on the mouth, stands up, and takes away the dishes from the table.]

      Alexey. [He finishes his beer, yawns, and stretches.] Now that’s some good beer. The beer we drank in the banya smacked somehow badly.

      The light in the window of the second floor flickers and then goes out.

      Natalia. Beer is still beer. Here, have a bite. [She gives him a snack from the table.] Let’s dim the lights down. They attract mosquitos. [She steps up to the light switch at the entrance to the gazebo and dims the lights.]

      Alexey. Uh-huh… [Yawning again.] Darkness is a teenagers’ friend. [His head droops down, he lays it on the table and falls asleep.]

      Natalia. That’s it. [She takes the bottle of vodka from the table, pours some into her glass, drinks it in one draught without having a snack.] The Rubicon is crossed.

      Khlora comes out of the house, bringing Natalia’s clothes with her. Natalia takes her clothes, slips out of the bathrobe, and changes quickly.

      Khlora. Veniamin. Old coot. [She