Mark Twain

The Complete Works of Mark Twain


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money, and no employment, and can’t earn a living, comes besieging you for help, do you say, “Come, my friend, if your services were valuable you could get employment elsewhere — don’t want you here?” Oh, no: You take him to a Department and say, “Here, give this person something to pass away the time at — and a salary” — and the thing is done. You throw him on his country. He is his country’s child, let his country support him. There is something good and motherly about Washington, the grand old benevolent National Asylum for the Helpless.

      The wages received by this great hive of employees are placed at the liberal figure meet and just for skilled and competent labor. Such of them as are immediately employed about the two Houses of Congress, are not only liberally paid also, but are remembered in the customary Extra Compensation bill which slides neatly through, annually, with the general grab that signalizes the last night of a session, and thus twenty per cent. is added to their wages, for — for fun, no doubt.

      Washington Hawkins’ new life was an unceasing delight to him. Senator Dilworthy lived sumptuously, and Washington’s quarters were charming — gas; running water, hot and cold; bathroom, coal-fires, rich carpets, beautiful pictures on the walls; books on religion, temperance, public charities and financial schemes; trim colored servants, dainty food — everything a body could wish for. And as for stationery, there was no end to it; the government furnished it; postage stamps were not needed — the Senator’s frank could convey a horse through the mails, if necessary.

      And then he saw such dazzling company. Renowned generals and admirals who had seemed but colossal myths when he was in the far west, went in and out before him or sat at the Senator’s table, solidified into palpable flesh and blood; famous statesmen crossed his path daily; that once rare and aweinspiring being, a Congressman, was become a common spectacle — a spectacle so common, indeed, that he could contemplate it without excitement, even without embarrassment; foreign ministers were visible to the naked eye at happy intervals; he had looked upon the President himself, and lived. And more; this world of enchantment teemed with speculation — the whole atmosphere was thick with it — and that indeed was Washington Hawkins’ native air; none other refreshed his lungs so gratefully. He had found paradise at last.

      The more he saw of his chief the Senator, the more he honored him, and the more conspicuously the moral grandeur of his character appeared to stand out. To possess the friendship and the kindly interest of such a man, Washington said in a letter to Louise, was a happy fortune for a young man whose career had been so impeded and so clouded as his.

      The weeks drifted by; — Harry Brierly flirted, danced, added lustre to the brilliant Senatorial receptions, and diligently “buzzed” and “buttonholed” Congressmen in the interest of the Columbus River scheme; meantime Senator Dilworthy labored hard in the same interest — and in others of equal national importance. Harry wrote frequently to Sellers, and always encouragingly; and from these letters it was easy to see that Harry was a pet with all Washington, and was likely to carry the thing through; that the assistance rendered him by “old Dilworthy” was pretty fair — pretty fair; “and every little helps, you know,” said Harry.

      Washington wrote Sellers officially, now and then. In one of his letters it appeared that whereas no member of the House committee favored the scheme at first, there was now needed but one more vote to compass a majority report. Closing sentence:

      “Providence seems to further our efforts.”

       (Signed,) “ABNER DILWORTHY, U. S. S.,

      per WASHINGTON HAWKINS, P. S.”

      At the end of a week, Washington was able to send the happy news, officially, as usual, — that the needed vote had been added and the bill favorably reported from the Committee. Other letters recorded its perils in Committee of the whole, and by and by its victory, by just the skin of its teeth, on third reading and final passage. Then came letters telling of Mr. Dilworthy’s struggles with a stubborn majority in his own Committee in the Senate; of how these gentlemen succumbed, one by one, till a majority was secured.

      Then there was a hiatus. Washington watched every move on the board, and he was in a good position to do this, for he was clerk of this committee, and also one other. He received no salary as private secretary, but these two clerkships, procured by his benefactor, paid him an aggregate of twelve dollars a day, without counting the twenty percent extra compensation which would of course be voted to him on the last night of the session.

      He saw the bill go into Committee of the whole and struggle for its life again, and finally worry through. In the fullness of time he noted its second reading, and by and by the day arrived when the grand ordeal came, and it was put upon its final passage. Washington listened with bated breath to the “Aye!” “No!” “No!” “Aye!” of the voters, for a few dread minutes, and then could bear the suspense no longer. He ran down from the gallery and hurried home to wait.

      At the end of two or three hours the Senator arrived in the bosom of his family, and dinner was waiting. Washington sprang forward, with the eager question on his lips, and the Senator said:

      “We may rejoice freely, now, my son — Providence has crowned our efforts with success.”

      CHAPTER XXV.

      Table of Contents

      Washington sent grand good news to Col. Sellers that night. To Louise he wrote:

      “It is beautiful to hear him talk when his heart is full of thankfulness for some manifestation of the Divine favor. You shall know him, some day my Louise, and knowing him you will honor him, as I do.”

      Harry wrote:

      “I pulled it through, Colonel, but it was a tough job, there is no question about that. There was not a friend to the measure in the House committee when I began, and not a friend in the Senate committee except old Dil himself, but they were all fixed for a majority report when I hauled off my forces. Everybody here says you can’t get a thing like this through Congress without buying committees for straight-out cash on delivery, but I think I’ve taught them a thing or two — if I could only make them believe it. When I tell the old residenters that this thing went through without buying a vote or making a promise, they say, ‘That’s rather too thin.’ And when I say thin or not thin it’s a fact, anyway, they say, ‘Come, now, but do you really believe that?’ and when I say I don’t believe anything about it, I know it, they smile and say, ‘Well, you are pretty innocent, or pretty blind, one or the other — there’s no getting around that.’ Why they really do believe that votes have been bought — they do indeed. But let them keep on thinking so. I have found out that if a man knows how to talk to women, and has a little gift in the way of argument with men, he can afford to play for an appropriation against a money bag and give the money bag odds in the game. We’ve raked in $200,000 of Uncle Sam’s money, say what they will — and there is more where this came from, when we want it, and I rather fancy I am the person that can go in and occupy it, too, if I do say it myself, that shouldn’t, perhaps. I’ll be with you within a week. Scare up all the men you can, and put them to work at once. When I get there I propose to make things hum.”

      The great news lifted Sellers into the clouds. He went to work on the instant. He flew hither and thither making contracts, engaging men, and steeping his soul in the ecstasies of business. He was the happiest man in Missouri. And Louise was the happiest woman; for presently came a letter from Washington which said:

      “Rejoice with me, for the long agony is over! We have waited patiently and faithfully, all these years, and now at last the reward is at hand. A man is to pay our family $40,000 for the Tennessee Land! It is but a little sum compared to what we could get by waiting, but I do so long to see the day when I can call you my own, that I have said to myself, better take this and enjoy life in a humble way than wear out our best days in this miserable separation. Besides, I can put this money into operations here that will increase it a hundred fold, yes, a thousand fold, in a few months. The air is