Mark Twain

The Complete Works of Mark Twain


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taken out in the back yard for an airing, every afternoon, with nothing at all on.”

      Mrs. O. and Mrs. G. — ”What!”

      Mrs. H. — ”As true as I’m sitting here. And it actually helped him for two or three days; it did indeed. But after that the doctor said it seemed to be too severe and so he has fell back on hot foot-baths at night and cold showers in the morning. But I don’t think there can be any good sound help for him in such a climate as this. I believe we are going to lose him if we don’t make a change.”

      Mrs. O. “I suppose you heard of the fright we had two weeks ago last Saturday? No? Why that is strange — but come to remember, you’ve all been away to Richmond. Francois tumbled from the sky light — in the second-story hall clean down to the first floor — ”

      Everybody — ”Mercy!”

      Mrs. O. — ”Yes indeed — and broke two of his ribs — ”

      Everybody — ”What!”

      Mrs. O. “Just as true as you live. First we thought he must be injured internally. It was fifteen minutes past 8 in the evening. Of course we were all distracted in a moment — everybody was flying everywhere, and nobody doing anything worth anything. By and by I flung out next door and dragged in Dr. Sprague; President of the Medical University no time to go for our own doctor of course — and the minute he saw Francois he said, ‘Send for your own physician, madam;’ said it as cross as a bear, too, and turned right on his heel, and cleared out without doing a thing!”

      Everybody — ”The mean, contemptible brute!”

      Mrs. O — ”Well you may say it. I was nearly out of my wits by this time. But we hurried off the servants after our own doctor and telegraphed mother — she was in New York and rushed down on the first train; and when the doctor got there, lo and behold you he found Francois had broke one of his legs, too!”

      Everybody — ”Goodness!”

      Mrs. O. — ”Yes. So he set his leg and bandaged it up, and fixed his ribs and gave him a dose of something to quiet down his excitement and put him to sleep — poor thing he was trembling and frightened to death and it was pitiful to see him. We had him in my bed — Mr. Oreille slept in the guest room and I laid down beside Francois — but not to sleep bless you no. Bridget and I set up all night, and the doctor staid till two in the morning, bless his old heart. — When mother got there she was so used up with anxiety, that she had to go to bed and have the doctor; but when she found that Francois was not in immediate danger she rallied, and by night she was able to take a watch herself. Well for three days and nights we three never left that bedside only to take an hour’s nap at a time. And then the doctor said Francois was out of danger and if ever there was a thankful set, in this world, it was us.”

      Laura’s respect for these women had augmented during this conversation, naturally enough; affection and devotion are qualities that are able to adorn and render beautiful a character that is otherwise unattractive, and even repulsive.

      Mrs. Gashly — ”I do believe I should a died if I had been in your place, Mrs. Oreille. The time Hildebrand was so low with the pneumonia Emmeline and me were all alone with him most of the time and we never took a minute’s sleep for as much as two days and nights. It was at Newport and we wouldn’t trust hired nurses. One afternoon he had a fit, and jumped up and run out on the portico of the hotel with nothing in the world on and the wind a blowing like ice and we after him scared to death; and when the ladies and gentlemen saw that he had a fit, every lady scattered for her room and not a gentleman lifted his hand to help, the wretches! Well after that his life hung by a thread for as much as ten days, and the minute he was out of danger Emmeline and me just went to bed sick and worn out. I never want to pass through such a time again. Poor dear Francois — which leg did he break, Mrs. Oreille!”

      Mrs. O. — ”It was his right hand hind leg. Jump down, Francois dear, and show the ladies what a cruel limp you’ve got yet.”

      Francois demurred, but being coaxed and delivered gently upon the floor, he performed very satisfactorily, with his “right hand hind leg” in the air. All were affected — even Laura — but hers was an affection of the stomach. The country-bred girl had not suspected that the little whining ten-ounce black and tan reptile, clad in a red embroidered pigmy blanket and reposing in Mrs. Oreille’s lap all through the visit was the individual whose sufferings had been stirring the dormant generosities of her nature. She said:

      “Poor little creature! You might have lost him!”

      Mrs. O. — ”O pray don’t mention it, Miss Hawkins — it gives me such a turn!”

      Laura — ”And Hildebrand and Percy — are they — are they like this one?”

      Mrs. G. — ”No, Hilly has considerable Skye blood in him, I believe.”

      Mrs. H. — ”Percy’s the same, only he is two months and ten days older and has his ears cropped. His father, Martin Farquhar Tupper, was sickly, and died young, but he was the sweetest disposition. — His mother had heart disease but was very gentle and resigned, and a wonderful ratter.”

      As impossible and exasperating as this conversation may sound to a person who is not an idiot, it is scarcely in any respect an exaggeration of one which one of us actually listened to in an American drawing room — otherwise we could not venture to put such a chapter into a book which, professes to deal with social possibilities. — THE AUTHORS.]

      So carried away had the visitors become by their interest attaching to this discussion of family matters, that their stay had been prolonged to a very improper and unfashionable length; but they suddenly recollected themselves now and took their departure.

      Laura’s scorn was boundless. The more she thought of these people and their extraordinary talk, the more offensive they seemed to her; and yet she confessed that if one must choose between the two extreme aristocracies it might be best, on the whole, looking at things from a strictly business point of view, to herd with the Parvenus; she was in Washington solely to compass a certain matter and to do it at any cost, and these people might be useful to her, while it was plain that her purposes and her schemes for pushing them would not find favor in the eyes of the Antiques. If it came to choice — and it might come to that, sooner or later — she believed she could come to a decision without much difficulty or many pangs.

      But the best aristocracy of the three Washington castes, and really the most powerful, by far, was that of the Middle Ground: It was made up of the families of public men from nearly every state in the Union — men who held positions in both the executive and legislative branches of the government, and whose characters had been for years blemishless, both at home and at the capital. These gentlemen and their households were unostentatious people; they were educated and refined; they troubled themselves but little about the two other orders of nobility, but moved serenely in their wide orbit, confident in their own strength and well aware of the potency of their influence. They had no troublesome appearances to keep up, no rivalries which they cared to distress themselves about, no jealousies to fret over. They could afford to mind their own affairs and leave other combinations to do the same or do otherwise, just as they chose. They were people who were beyond reproach, and that was sufficient.

      Senator Dilworthy never came into collision with any of these factions. He labored for them all and with them all. He said that all men were brethren and all were entitled to the honest unselfish help and countenance of a Christian laborer in the public vineyard.

      Laura concluded, after reflection, to let circumstances determine the course it might be best for her to pursue as regarded the several aristocracies.

      Now it might occur to the reader that perhaps Laura had been somewhat rudely suggestive in her remarks to Mrs. Oreille when the subject of corals was under discussion, but it did not occur to Laura herself. She was not a person of exaggerated refinement; indeed, the society and the influences that had formed her character had not been of a nature calculated to make her so; she thought that “give and take was fair play,” and that to parry