that way didn’t prove a thing and somehow James had the idea that the things Tyler needed proved to him were profound and deep. “What I need from you is some co-operation. I know you don’t like being here, that none of this was your idea, but right now we’ve got to make the best of it. Figure out what’s going to make you happy…” He glanced out to the road in time to see Fallon drive by. She was headed in the direction of home, and as he watched her car wind its way down the road, the longing hit hard.
He wondered again whether he could have handled things differently after her accident. She’d needed him and he’d clearly been divided. Her needs, Tyler’s needs, adjusting to fatherhood…yet he’d always thought that he could get through it and give everybody what they required. Clearly, he’d been wrong and even now, while he didn’t know what it was, he was convinced Fallon had needed something he hadn’t been able to give her. The hell of it was, he hadn’t even realized it at the time. It was all afterthought, and filled with so many unanswered questions. But he’d been desperate back then, doing his best. Yet Fallon had insisted she understood his absences, his distractions, his moods—in short, that she was OK without him. He’d believed her, too. Trusted her. After all, Fallon was a strong woman, even with her injuries. She was a fighter, and that was something else he trusted.
But maybe he’d taken that strength too for granted, the way people in White Elk had taken her competence for granted. Maybe the brave face she’d always put on for him hadn’t been so brave. And he’d never realized it. Never once questioned it.
Then the morning Shelly had taken Tyler away from him, he’d gone to Fallon’s hospital room to apologize for not being there for her as much as he’d wanted. But the room had been empty, the bed stripped of its linens. There had been nothing to suggest she’d ever been there. The nurses had told him she’d gone to a rehabilitation hospital, without telling anyone which one. Or, if they knew, their loyalty to Fallon had kept them from revealing it.
Could he have done things differently? Probably. Would it have made a difference to his relationship with Fallon? That, he didn’t know.
“There’s someone I want you to meet,” he said, glancing down at Tyler then back at Fallon’s car, which was turning onto a side street. He loved Fallon, and he loved Tyler. It was time to set at least one of his mistakes right. “Look, Tyler, we’re going to make a quick stop before we go to the hospital, and I need you to be on your very best behavior. Do you think you can do that for me?”
Naturally, Tyler didn’t respond. All he did was follow James to the car, and crawl into the back seat after James opened the door for him. Dutifully, the little boy fastened his seat belt then he sat there like a perfect little gentleman, hands folded in his lap, staring out the window.
For a moment James studied Tyler in the rear-view mirror once he’d settled himself into the driver’s seat, wondering what went on in the child’s mind. Wondering what he could do to find out.
Wondering what he could do to make Tyler accept him as his father.
Chapter Three
“I WANTED to see how you’re doing,” James said, brushing the snowflakes from his hair.
She hadn’t even had time to take off her scarf. “I’m keeping busy,” Fallon said, being careful to keep her back to him lest any expression of excitement or expectation accidentally crossed her face. After all, he hadn’t come back to walk with her after that first time, although she’d half expected him to. Maybe even subconsciously wanted him to. He hadn’t called either, and she’d half expected that. But it was probably for the best. She was working now. Not so many hours, but the progress was steady and Fallon was pleased that they were moving in the right direction to get the Three Sisters Women’s Clinic and Hospital set up and staffed. It felt good to be busy again, she had to admit.
“The hospital is coming along nicely. I’m in the process of ordering room equipment right now…beds, tables, those sorts of things. And I’m beginning to go through job applications, trying to figure out what kind of staffing we’ll need.”
“I’d intended on stopping by sooner, maybe taking another morning walk with you. But things have gotten pretty hectic, and—”
“And that’s fine. I prefer my walks in solitude.” Once though, she hadn’t. “It keeps life less complicated that way.”
“Maybe it does,” he said, almost under his breath. “Anyway, I saw you drive by, and as I was in the area I thought I’d stop by for a minute to see how you’re doing.”
Finally, she turned to face him. Not that she wanted to, but she had the feeling that if she didn’t, he might linger there in the doorway indefinitely…standing there, waiting for something, anything, from her. This was so awkward. She’d made love to this man. Spent nights in his arms, laughing, talking, pouring out hopes and dreams, being happier than she’d ever been in her life. Had had his baby. And now the only thing between them was cold, white awkwardness. It hurt, and she couldn’t be anything but unapproachable. Because being anything more only encouraged him, and he deserved better than make-believe encouragement. “Look, I appreciate you coming by,” she said, fixing her stare on the floor for she knew what fixing her stare on his beautiful eyes would do. “But I’ve got catalogs to go through, and some phone calls to—”
“Bathroom. Now!”
The tiny voice came from behind James, and Fallon immediately stepped sideways to take a look. Gasped when she saw the child. Felt her heart start to race when she noticed his startling resemblance to James.
“Now!” the little boy said. His face was deadly serious. Full of anger. An expression much too old for someone so young.
“Down the hall,” she said, pointing to it. “First door.”
Without a word, the child scampered out from behind James and ran down the hall, leaving a trail of slushy water and dirty snow in his wake.
“Sorry about that,” James said. “I told him to stay in the car.”
“When nature calls…” Fallon said, her voice not quite steady. This little boy was so much like the one she’d dreamt her own little boy would be that all the emotion she’d been fighting to hold back for so long was now fighting against her. This moment of realization unnerved her so badly that she had to back up to the wall to steady herself. This wasn’t her son, she knew that. But she felt the instant connection as this was her son’s brother. “I assume…assume that’s Tyler?”
“Shelly dropped him off again a few days ago.”
She swallowed back her emotion. She had to. There was no other way to do this with James. “A-and are you happy?” She knew he was. Happy, worried. Relieved.
“More than you can imagine. Although being his dad scares me because it’s a lot of responsibility I never expected to have…at least, not right away. Not without you.”
“Give it time,” she said, ignoring his last comment. “The adjustment for Tyler is just as big as yours. But you’ll both do fine once you’re used to each other.” Thinking about James and Tyler getting to know each other, working out their lives together, caused a lump to form in her throat when she thought about their child, their little boy…how they’d never have the chance to work out their lives with him. But seeing Tyler made the loss so acute again, like those first days after she’d lost her own baby. Suddenly she had to spin away from James lest he see the tears welling in her eyes. “He’s cute, James,” she said, walking away from the door. “I’m guessing he’s, what? Five or six? You may have told me, but I don’t remember.”
“Five.”
“And still so active?” That was a polite way of describing what James had told her early on about Tyler’s behavior.
In answer to her question, a loud crash coming from the bathroom sent them both running down the hall to the open door where Tyler was standing, totally unaffected by the mess he’d made pulling a shelf of lotions and cosmetics