high school.”
“I’m a guy…” I mocked.
He let my arm go. “Whatever, Lind. You can look at it or not. I’m going down to the gym. Then I’ll have a shower and knock for you, okay?” As he turned away, his fingers ran through his hair, then immediately ruffled it to re-spike it. That stupid leather bracelet I’d made at high school shifted on his wrist.
Was he implying I did it now?
“I’ll see you later.” He said from the door, glancing back.
This was too weird.
The door shut.
I got up, running away from his cell, that lay on the bed.
Why did he think I’d do that?
When I faced the bathroom mirror, it wasn’t me I looked at. My makeup had smeared around my eyes.
I shut them.
What the frick must Billy think? In 24 hours he’d seen me soaked in salt and sand, throwing up and then like this…
I turned away from the image, stripped off and got in the shower.
The water was warm and it teemed down over my head, washing all my pain away for a few moments.
Truth hurt.
What Jason had told Rachel was true.
I’d never had any pleasure from sex. We’d just done it. Or rather I’d let Jason do it. Boys wanted to do that stuff. It had always just felt uncomfortable to me. Lying there and trying to feel things that I really didn’t. I’d thought it was like that for everyone––until I’d seen him with Rachel.
The guy who was supposed to be mine… my support… my defender… my hero… Had humiliated me and told his new girl I was bad in bed.
But since I’d talked to the counselor I’d realized I’d been piling all my anger on Jason, when most of it was nothing to do with him. It was only fate and I’d pushed him away, probably, because I’d been too busy fighting all the insecurity and pain I was at war with. I knew that––when I was honest with myself.
I’d been relying on him for everything, and not let him rely on me.
I toppled back against the tiles. Tears came again and anger gripped at me. I’d spent so many months wrapped up in anger. I wanted to smash the room up; smash the world up. Because the world was cruel.
I switched the shower off and wrapped myself in the towels. Then went back into the bedroom and threw myself down on the bed.
Billy’s cell stared at me.
I ignored it for ages. But it started shouting at me to just pick it up.
I did.
When I tapped the screen, it opened on the website he’d looked up.
Trying not to think, or judge, or fear this, I scrolled through what it said.
The demonstrations made my skin crawl; that was why teenage boys looked this shit up. Heat burned in my skin as I watched, trying not to overthink.
Oh my God.
Billy
Lindy’s eyes sparkled in the white light when she walked into the gym.
I pressed the weights back up, the bite gripping in my arms and chest. I’d taken my tee off because I’d got hot. I’d turned the air con up too.
Her eyes dropped to my tattoo. She’d never seen my leopard.
“I didn’t know you had that.”
I set the bar back onto the brackets, then slid out from underneath it and sat up, breathing hard. I picked up my tee and wiped the sweat off my brow, then my chest. Lindy’s gaze followed the movement of the cloth.
“I had it done here, last summer, when we left college.”
“It’s beautiful. I like it.”
My lips twisted in a bitter smile. I’d had the thing done out of anger. It was a little like self-harm. The leopard looked like it climbed one side of my chest, scratching my shoulder, leaving scores of blood. Another claw cut into my belly and the other on my side, while its tail flicked up and curled around to my back. It was in memory of a girl, without having her name as a giveaway mark. The girl was Lindy.
I’d been angry with her. No, that was a lie. I’d been angry with myself for not being able to stop wanting her.
Her gaze followed the path of the leopard, dropping down to my abs. Then she looked up at my face.
“Your cell rang.” She held it out.
“Who?”
“Jason.”
Shit. Well she looked like she’d been playing with herself and that must have brought her down to earth with a bump.
I took it from her hand, then pulled up the missed calls. Sure enough Jason’s number was there. I called the messages.
“Hey, Billy. You’ve disappeared, I was gonna ask you to go out for a drink again but your mom said you’d gone out of town. Everything okay?” I deleted the message. I didn’t call back. I’d catch up with him when Lindy and I got back.
“How are you?” I asked her.
“Okay. Have you finished?”
“If you want me to be finished?”
She’d showered, blow-dried her hair and put her makeup straight. The white sleeveless tee she had on was a little sheer. I could see the green halter-neck bikini top she had on underneath it through the cotton and she was wearing shorts that showed every curve of her legs off. I did like her legs.
“What do you want to do?”
Her arms had crossed since she’d handed me the cell, and now she shrugged.
“We can go down to the beach and lie in the sun, or go down to the pool and swim…”
“I liked the beach yesterday. Let’s go back down to the beach.”
“Well, you’re gonna have to give me time to shower.”
“Are you going back up to your room?”
“Yeah, I need clean clothes as well as a shower, unless you want a companion who stinks.”
She smiled with a sudden look of warmth catching in her eyes, the Lindy of happiness and high school shining through; the one who had somehow got lost in the last couple of years.
I stood up, wiping my face with my tee again. Then met her gaze.
“So did you?”
That question had been tumbling around in my head for an hour and more. Asking it kicked me in the belly and sent a jolt of lust to my cock.
I’d been exercising with an uncomfortable condition, thinking about her––up in her room… Imagining. I shook my head, I probably shouldn’t have asked.
She didn’t answer anyway.
She turned away, acting like I hadn’t asked the question, but as she did, her skin turned red.
I’d lay a bet she had. And that made my condition worse; blood pulsed into my cock.
But she could just be embarrassed I’d mentioned it. That would be like Lindy too.
My fingers combed through my hair. Then I caught my image in the mirror and ruffled my hair so it spiked again.
A part of me wondered