friend’s door and as it opened, I found her husband staring at me curiously. Frozen on the spot, awaiting his reaction, I had no idea what was going through his mind on its way to his mouth. Seconds later he asked: “Who put the cauliflower on your head?” and we all burst out laughing. At that moment, I realised that I hadn’t laughed for a long, long time. With all my friends together, I soon recognised that they had no problem at all with me wearing a wig. Yes, I was the butt of many jokes, which I welcomed because it meant they weren’t feeling sorry for me. They even called it a wig-warming party. That evening was a very welcome lift and I remember it fondly.
CHANGING ROOM TIP
Look For Laughter
Sometimes laughter really is the best medicine. Laughter relieves stress, forces anxiety to go take a hike, and is a very powerful drug. Unlike medication, it becomes effective within seconds, and immediately lowers stress hormones. As laughter moves in, stress and anxiety move out!
A deep belly laugh is an instant endorphin hit which will allow you to see your situation in a more optimistic and less challenging light. It will immediately disassociate you from negative feelings, giving you relief from emotional hurt and pain. Getting re-dressed with happiness involves gradually replacing the negative thoughts resulting in negative behaviours with positive thoughts and behaviours. Laughter can help break the cycle of negative feelings so it is a welcome interruption. It creates space in which positive thoughts can grow.
I relied on laughter on many occasions during my 16 years of wig wearing. I had to. There were several incidents when my wig suddenly flew or fell off. Once, whilst disassembling a large marquee at a public event surrounded by lots of people, a large bar fell down onto my head and dragged off the wig in front of my daughter’s nine-year-old friend, who was totally unaware of my medical condition or my wig. He looked first at my head in disbelief then down at what looked like a cat that had been hit by a car lying on the grass. Completely flummoxed, as if he’d just been astounded by a magician, he finally spoke: “How the hell did that happen?” I faced a split-second choice: cry and run, or laugh. I picked up the wig, threw it back on my head, laughed, and then laughed some more. At least I was entertaining.
The most dramatic incident, which required the most laughter, was at Center Parcs with my two oldest children, who were about seven and five years old at the time. Whilst in the swimming pool, I watched my children whoop in delight as they belly skimmed down the rapids. Feeling compelled to join them in their fun, I first discreetly tightened the elastic on my wig. I then launched myself down the first flow of water, accompanied by my son and daughter. We sped around a bend, screaming and laughing, and having a whale of a time. My whale of a time soon turned into a wail from my lips as, leaving another bend, a wave of water engulfed me. Coughing and spluttering, all three of us landed in a whirlpool, circling each other at the centre of the rapids. And around us my wig was circling, a spike of hair sticking out of the water like a fin. Knowing that I didn’t like to be seen without my wig, my children looked at my head horrified then proceeded to jump on my shoulders and push me under the water so that no one else would see me. I pushed up through and gasped for air, laughing hysterically, trying to convince my offspring that it was okay. My words fell on deaf ears, because together they jumped on me again, shouting to each other, hatching a plan to try to catch the wig, arms and legs flailing in all directions. One of them eventually caught it, let me up for air and tried desperately to position it back onto my head. Barely able to breathe as I had just nearly drowned, but with tears of laughter pouring down my face, we made it as a team down to the end pool. My wig and I arrived as one, which spared the lifeguard the embarrassment of having to fish it out.
In times of despair or uncertainty, it can be challenging to find moments in which we can laugh. The great news, though, is that even forced laughter can bring benefits. Laughter Yoga for example (developed by an Indian doctor, Dr Madan Kataria) utilises this knowledge and is backed by scientific research that proves that the body cannot differentiate between real or fake laughter. Even fake laughter lowers the levels of stress hormones within the blood. Try it now. Laugh out loud for a few seconds. Notice how it makes you feel.
It can sometimes be initially difficult to consider a smile (let alone laughter) when we feel overwhelmed by circumstances, but I’m going to share with you a little secret. It’s your next changing room tip. I’m going to ask you to Mind The Gap.
CHANGING ROOM TIP
Mind The Gap
In any given situation, you have a choice with regards to your reaction. Between an event occurring and your reaction there is a ‘gap’.
Situation
The gap may only be a second or two, but it’s a gap and it’s the space where you get to choose the outcome. In that moment, you can choose to seek blame and crawl back despondently to the home of misery and stagnate. Or you can choose to face the challenge and smile or laugh to override negative emotions and allow yourself a far more productive perspective of the situation.
Your changing room tip is to use your MIND to spot the GAP, or:
Genuine
Alternative
Perspective
There will be a Genuine Alternative Perspective in most situations, and there will be smiles and laughter waiting to be discovered. You can either moan about the weather or dance and laugh in the rain. It’s a choice.
When you recognise the G.A.P, use it. Rather than reacting instantly, give yourself a little more time to think and make the right decision.
(I’ve had to find and use my G.A.P quite recently. I was recently diagnosed with the beginnings of a macular hole in my left eye, and reading, writing and typing have become more of a challenge. After throwing a spectacular hissy fit and a few tantrums and after insulting the universe for donating this to me, it came to my attention that I was missing my G.A.P. I decided to go back and look for it, and I found it. I apologised to the universe and decided that it was trying to challenge my sight to make me finish this book. Time is of the essence. (Hence I’ve booked myself into a local hotel for the night to write, write and write. Thank you, universe.)
I invite you to join me as a G.A.P spotter. Use your mind to find genuine alternative perspectives and find space for smiles and laughter. Laughter will light up your life, your spirit and every part of your soul. Turn the volume up on your smiles until they become laughter escaping from your lips.
“I have not seen anyone dying of laughter, but I know millions who are dying because they are not laughing.”
Dr Madan Kataria
DON’T OPEN YOUR
MOUTH TO PUT
MEDICINE IN. OPEN
YOUR MOUTH TO LET
LAUGHTER OUT.
GRATITUDE IS YOUR GATEWAY
With a little practice Minding The Gaps, I learned to make better choices. As a result, laughter helped deflect much embarrassment and the upset that it would have caused. However, still struggling with confidence and my identity, I also cried a lot. Not because I was bald, but because I was lost. I spent a lot of time thinking about what was wrong with my life. I had frustration, anger, sadness, hopelessness, and self-pity on speed dial and was very self-indulgent with my thought choices. On the surface I could now fit into society with the help of my new false hair, but inside I still felt hopelessly disorientated.
“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is Maria amongst them all?”
No answer.
Until one day.
Early one morning, I was standing in the kitchen at our home, gazing through the serving hatch into the dining room. I noticed my daughter Jadine playing with her brother Brook. She was gently pinging the baby bouncer, making him bounce up and down. This was making him laugh – deep contagious